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fredo4
Participant[quote=temeculaguy]
I have a soloution for the growing old part, I’ll just die young, if that fails, I have fantastic long term care insurance coverage, so I’m getting sponge baths from a pro, we will just have to work something out with the tipping. Plus those high end country club type places for oldsters, that is a good time to be single, that’s where I’ll be, 3 to 1 odds, viagra, good times. I’m a little concerned how lower back tattoos and implants will fare after 40 years once I am in my 80’s working the bingo circuit, but that’s the thing about life, embrace the little suprises.[/quote]
Temeculaguy, it’s hard to argue with the idyllic portrait you’ve painted here. Man… why did I ever get married anyway?
As far as the clandestine sleepovers go, I’m sure that would be fine, but then the sleeping arrangements get complicated if you ever go on vacation together. You’ve got to expect that everyone will find out about the it eventually. You can always do what my mom did and be completely open about your sleepover dates.
Just be prepared when your kids (or grandkids) want to know why it’s ok for you to have sleepover dates but not for them.Participant[quote=temeculaguy]
I have a soloution for the growing old part, I’ll just die young, if that fails, I have fantastic long term care insurance coverage, so I’m getting sponge baths from a pro, we will just have to work something out with the tipping. Plus those high end country club type places for oldsters, that is a good time to be single, that’s where I’ll be, 3 to 1 odds, viagra, good times. I’m a little concerned how lower back tattoos and implants will fare after 40 years once I am in my 80’s working the bingo circuit, but that’s the thing about life, embrace the little suprises.[/quote]
Temeculaguy, it’s hard to argue with the idyllic portrait you’ve painted here. Man… why did I ever get married anyway?
As far as the clandestine sleepovers go, I’m sure that would be fine, but then the sleeping arrangements get complicated if you ever go on vacation together. You’ve got to expect that everyone will find out about the it eventually. You can always do what my mom did and be completely open about your sleepover dates.
Just be prepared when your kids (or grandkids) want to know why it’s ok for you to have sleepover dates but not for them.Participant[quote=temeculaguy]
I have a soloution for the growing old part, I’ll just die young, if that fails, I have fantastic long term care insurance coverage, so I’m getting sponge baths from a pro, we will just have to work something out with the tipping. Plus those high end country club type places for oldsters, that is a good time to be single, that’s where I’ll be, 3 to 1 odds, viagra, good times. I’m a little concerned how lower back tattoos and implants will fare after 40 years once I am in my 80’s working the bingo circuit, but that’s the thing about life, embrace the little suprises.[/quote]
Temeculaguy, it’s hard to argue with the idyllic portrait you’ve painted here. Man… why did I ever get married anyway?
As far as the clandestine sleepovers go, I’m sure that would be fine, but then the sleeping arrangements get complicated if you ever go on vacation together. You’ve got to expect that everyone will find out about the it eventually. You can always do what my mom did and be completely open about your sleepover dates.
Just be prepared when your kids (or grandkids) want to know why it’s ok for you to have sleepover dates but not for them.Participant[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.
My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?Participant[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.
My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?Participant[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.
My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?Participant[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.
My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?Participant[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.
My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?Participant[quote=scaredycat]why is it socially acceptable for women to bitterly and endlessly complain about their husbands? If guys try that, I think generally they are accused of being ingrates (she raised your children! suck it up!). Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and easier to get rid of her and pay a nanny? Except for the alimony of course.[/quote]
I absolutely agree, however, I think that the types of women that tend to complain are the ones who marry a certain type of man (Tom Lykis, e.g.). They are matched sets. These types, both the men and the women are out for what THEY can get and only that.
There’s no sense of trying to do what will make the other person happy.
Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment. It’s especially bad for children if you do it that way because there is no sense of security. Plus it teaches the kids that it’s ok to flit from person to person (usually scattering illegitimate children along the way).
I think the answer is in choosing a quality person whose values match yours and then both working really hard to make the OTHER person’s life better. If people went into marriage with that philosophy every marriage would be great.Participant[quote=scaredycat]why is it socially acceptable for women to bitterly and endlessly complain about their husbands? If guys try that, I think generally they are accused of being ingrates (she raised your children! suck it up!). Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and easier to get rid of her and pay a nanny? Except for the alimony of course.[/quote]
I absolutely agree, however, I think that the types of women that tend to complain are the ones who marry a certain type of man (Tom Lykis, e.g.). They are matched sets. These types, both the men and the women are out for what THEY can get and only that.
There’s no sense of trying to do what will make the other person happy.
Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment. It’s especially bad for children if you do it that way because there is no sense of security. Plus it teaches the kids that it’s ok to flit from person to person (usually scattering illegitimate children along the way).
I think the answer is in choosing a quality person whose values match yours and then both working really hard to make the OTHER person’s life better. If people went into marriage with that philosophy every marriage would be great.Participant[quote=scaredycat]why is it socially acceptable for women to bitterly and endlessly complain about their husbands? If guys try that, I think generally they are accused of being ingrates (she raised your children! suck it up!). Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and easier to get rid of her and pay a nanny? Except for the alimony of course.[/quote]
I absolutely agree, however, I think that the types of women that tend to complain are the ones who marry a certain type of man (Tom Lykis, e.g.). They are matched sets. These types, both the men and the women are out for what THEY can get and only that.
There’s no sense of trying to do what will make the other person happy.
Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment. It’s especially bad for children if you do it that way because there is no sense of security. Plus it teaches the kids that it’s ok to flit from person to person (usually scattering illegitimate children along the way).
I think the answer is in choosing a quality person whose values match yours and then both working really hard to make the OTHER person’s life better. If people went into marriage with that philosophy every marriage would be great.Participant[quote=scaredycat]why is it socially acceptable for women to bitterly and endlessly complain about their husbands? If guys try that, I think generally they are accused of being ingrates (she raised your children! suck it up!). Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and easier to get rid of her and pay a nanny? Except for the alimony of course.[/quote]
I absolutely agree, however, I think that the types of women that tend to complain are the ones who marry a certain type of man (Tom Lykis, e.g.). They are matched sets. These types, both the men and the women are out for what THEY can get and only that.
There’s no sense of trying to do what will make the other person happy.
Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment. It’s especially bad for children if you do it that way because there is no sense of security. Plus it teaches the kids that it’s ok to flit from person to person (usually scattering illegitimate children along the way).
I think the answer is in choosing a quality person whose values match yours and then both working really hard to make the OTHER person’s life better. If people went into marriage with that philosophy every marriage would be great.Participant[quote=scaredycat]why is it socially acceptable for women to bitterly and endlessly complain about their husbands? If guys try that, I think generally they are accused of being ingrates (she raised your children! suck it up!). Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and easier to get rid of her and pay a nanny? Except for the alimony of course.[/quote]
I absolutely agree, however, I think that the types of women that tend to complain are the ones who marry a certain type of man (Tom Lykis, e.g.). They are matched sets. These types, both the men and the women are out for what THEY can get and only that.
There’s no sense of trying to do what will make the other person happy.
Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment. It’s especially bad for children if you do it that way because there is no sense of security. Plus it teaches the kids that it’s ok to flit from person to person (usually scattering illegitimate children along the way).
I think the answer is in choosing a quality person whose values match yours and then both working really hard to make the OTHER person’s life better. If people went into marriage with that philosophy every marriage would be great.Participant[quote=Allan from Fallbrook][quote=Cabal] Believe it or not, they live check to check supporting the McMansion and lifestyle. Not long ago, he ask her to consider getting a job or cut back on discretionary spending. Her answer was “No, if I have to get a job what do I need you for?” The arrogance and sense of entitlement is just unbelievable. This may be an extreme example, but in my experience, there are many women with similar attitudes, especially in mid-upper class north county society. The keeping up with Joneses mentality and competitive nature of these women is truly frightening. I can only conclude that irrational fear of losing everything can drive women to be this way.
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Cabal: If anything, the situation you describe above has only grown worse during the downturn. The parents of one of my players were hammered over the last few years (he was a mortgage broker and she was a Realtor) and their standard of living has plummeted. They seemed to tolerate each other before, but now it’s turned vile and she openly berates him publicly, which is painful and embarrassing to watch. He is a decent enough sort, and he almost acts like he deserves this treatment from her.
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That is just SO wrong. As if these poor guys don’t feel bad enough, being as that men place so much of their self-worth on being good bread winners. To kick someone with they’re down like that is terrible.
I’m often in groups of women where all they do is bitch about their husbands- then they look at me like.. well, what do you have to add to the conversation?
I always say- “I dunno..I like MY husband” which usually doesn’t go over so well.
It’s too bad that husbands and wives are so often more like adversaries than teammates. These people don’t know how nice it is to have someone whose support you can always count on and vice versa. -
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