The new smart financial move is walking away

[davelj]

[quote=Arraya][quote=davelj] And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.[/quote]

Now scratch out married and couples replace it with single and people. Same thing.[/quote]

Agreed. Humans are not good at (1) figuring out what’s going to make them content, and then (2) executing a plan based on the results. I *think* it’s largely because humans too often look to others for answers to (1), instead of within themselves, thus rendering (2) highly unlikely except through accident.

[LesBaer45]

[quote=paramount][quote=IForget][quote=jpinpb]
…it’s just that my current life situation doesn’t match up to the expectations I had when I was 15. What are you gonna’ do?[/quote]

Who’s does? For the most part teenagers are idealistic with high expectations, then at some point those expectations meet reality.[/quote]

You mean I’m not really going to kick Lyle Waggoners’ ass, and run off with Wonder Woman?

Damn. Thanks for the downer man. :-

[LesBaer45]

[quote=paramount][quote=IForget][quote=jpinpb]
…it’s just that my current life situation doesn’t match up to the expectations I had when I was 15. What are you gonna’ do?[/quote]

Who’s does? For the most part teenagers are idealistic with high expectations, then at some point those expectations meet reality.[/quote]

You mean I’m not really going to kick Lyle Waggoners’ ass, and run off with Wonder Woman?

Damn. Thanks for the downer man. :-

[LesBaer45]

[quote=paramount][quote=IForget][quote=jpinpb]
…it’s just that my current life situation doesn’t match up to the expectations I had when I was 15. What are you gonna’ do?[/quote]

Who’s does? For the most part teenagers are idealistic with high expectations, then at some point those expectations meet reality.[/quote]

You mean I’m not really going to kick Lyle Waggoners’ ass, and run off with Wonder Woman?

Damn. Thanks for the downer man. :-

[LesBaer45]

[quote=paramount][quote=IForget][quote=jpinpb]
…it’s just that my current life situation doesn’t match up to the expectations I had when I was 15. What are you gonna’ do?[/quote]

Who’s does? For the most part teenagers are idealistic with high expectations, then at some point those expectations meet reality.[/quote]

You mean I’m not really going to kick Lyle Waggoners’ ass, and run off with Wonder Woman?

Damn. Thanks for the downer man. :-

[LesBaer45]

[quote=paramount][quote=IForget][quote=jpinpb]
…it’s just that my current life situation doesn’t match up to the expectations I had when I was 15. What are you gonna’ do?[/quote]

Who’s does? For the most part teenagers are idealistic with high expectations, then at some point those expectations meet reality.[/quote]

You mean I’m not really going to kick Lyle Waggoners’ ass, and run off with Wonder Woman?

Damn. Thanks for the downer man. :-

[CA renter]

[quote=AN][quote=jpinpb]AN – That would be a good one to read. Something like “The secrets and success of a happy long-term marriage.”[/quote]
Not a book, but here’s a good short article:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/%5B/quote%5D

Great article, and very much agree with what it said.

I’ve also been a student of happily married couples who’ve been married for many decades. The #1 “secret” to a happy marriage that ALL of them mentioned was that they were best friends.

BTW, did you notice how most of the couples spoke very highly of the couples’ retreats? Basically, that’s counseling, without the stigma. 😉

[CA renter]

[quote=AN][quote=jpinpb]AN – That would be a good one to read. Something like “The secrets and success of a happy long-term marriage.”[/quote]
Not a book, but here’s a good short article:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/%5B/quote%5D

Great article, and very much agree with what it said.

I’ve also been a student of happily married couples who’ve been married for many decades. The #1 “secret” to a happy marriage that ALL of them mentioned was that they were best friends.

BTW, did you notice how most of the couples spoke very highly of the couples’ retreats? Basically, that’s counseling, without the stigma. 😉

[CA renter]

[quote=AN][quote=jpinpb]AN – That would be a good one to read. Something like “The secrets and success of a happy long-term marriage.”[/quote]
Not a book, but here’s a good short article:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/%5B/quote%5D

Great article, and very much agree with what it said.

I’ve also been a student of happily married couples who’ve been married for many decades. The #1 “secret” to a happy marriage that ALL of them mentioned was that they were best friends.

BTW, did you notice how most of the couples spoke very highly of the couples’ retreats? Basically, that’s counseling, without the stigma. 😉

[CA renter]

[quote=AN][quote=jpinpb]AN – That would be a good one to read. Something like “The secrets and success of a happy long-term marriage.”[/quote]
Not a book, but here’s a good short article:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/%5B/quote%5D

Great article, and very much agree with what it said.

I’ve also been a student of happily married couples who’ve been married for many decades. The #1 “secret” to a happy marriage that ALL of them mentioned was that they were best friends.

BTW, did you notice how most of the couples spoke very highly of the couples’ retreats? Basically, that’s counseling, without the stigma. 😉

[CA renter]

[quote=AN][quote=jpinpb]AN – That would be a good one to read. Something like “The secrets and success of a happy long-term marriage.”[/quote]
Not a book, but here’s a good short article:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/%5B/quote%5D

Great article, and very much agree with what it said.

I’ve also been a student of happily married couples who’ve been married for many decades. The #1 “secret” to a happy marriage that ALL of them mentioned was that they were best friends.

BTW, did you notice how most of the couples spoke very highly of the couples’ retreats? Basically, that’s counseling, without the stigma. 😉

[CA renter]

[quote=davelj][quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.[/quote]

Um, dave…

Has it ever occurred to you that happily married men don’t generally hang around with guys who have such an obvious disdain for marriage, monogamy, and women?

Also, why do you think they are honest with you (when telling you they’d prefer to be divorced) when they are dishonest with their wives (assuming they tell their wives they like being married)?

Happy people tend to hang around other happy people, and happily married couples tend to hang around with other happily married couples because we don’t like to hear or see other couples tearing each other apart and hurting one another.

Some of us (yes, even men!) really enjoy being married and being a part of something bigger and better than ourselves. Is it always easy? No way. Does it require personal sacrife? Yes! Is it worth it? For many of us, HELL YES!!! 🙂

[CA renter]

[quote=davelj][quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.[/quote]

Um, dave…

Has it ever occurred to you that happily married men don’t generally hang around with guys who have such an obvious disdain for marriage, monogamy, and women?

Also, why do you think they are honest with you (when telling you they’d prefer to be divorced) when they are dishonest with their wives (assuming they tell their wives they like being married)?

Happy people tend to hang around other happy people, and happily married couples tend to hang around with other happily married couples because we don’t like to hear or see other couples tearing each other apart and hurting one another.

Some of us (yes, even men!) really enjoy being married and being a part of something bigger and better than ourselves. Is it always easy? No way. Does it require personal sacrife? Yes! Is it worth it? For many of us, HELL YES!!! 🙂

[CA renter]

[quote=davelj][quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.[/quote]

Um, dave…

Has it ever occurred to you that happily married men don’t generally hang around with guys who have such an obvious disdain for marriage, monogamy, and women?

Also, why do you think they are honest with you (when telling you they’d prefer to be divorced) when they are dishonest with their wives (assuming they tell their wives they like being married)?

Happy people tend to hang around other happy people, and happily married couples tend to hang around with other happily married couples because we don’t like to hear or see other couples tearing each other apart and hurting one another.

Some of us (yes, even men!) really enjoy being married and being a part of something bigger and better than ourselves. Is it always easy? No way. Does it require personal sacrife? Yes! Is it worth it? For many of us, HELL YES!!! 🙂

[CA renter]

[quote=davelj][quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.[/quote]

Um, dave…

Has it ever occurred to you that happily married men don’t generally hang around with guys who have such an obvious disdain for marriage, monogamy, and women?

Also, why do you think they are honest with you (when telling you they’d prefer to be divorced) when they are dishonest with their wives (assuming they tell their wives they like being married)?

Happy people tend to hang around other happy people, and happily married couples tend to hang around with other happily married couples because we don’t like to hear or see other couples tearing each other apart and hurting one another.

Some of us (yes, even men!) really enjoy being married and being a part of something bigger and better than ourselves. Is it always easy? No way. Does it require personal sacrife? Yes! Is it worth it? For many of us, HELL YES!!! 🙂

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