The new smart financial move is walking away

[Anonymous]

I’ve started reading that book that scaredy recommended, and one of the couples has been in therapy for 10 years. So therapy is not always a good indicator that a marriage is near the end.

[scaredyclassic]

that’s a good book. i wish we could have a book club. hey have any of you guys tried testemax?

http://www.natebloch.com

[scaredyclassic]

that’s a good book. i wish we could have a book club. hey have any of you guys tried testemax?

http://www.natebloch.com

[scaredyclassic]

that’s a good book. i wish we could have a book club. hey have any of you guys tried testemax?

http://www.natebloch.com

[scaredyclassic]

that’s a good book. i wish we could have a book club. hey have any of you guys tried testemax?

http://www.natebloch.com

[scaredyclassic]

that’s a good book. i wish we could have a book club. hey have any of you guys tried testemax?

http://www.natebloch.com

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.[/quote]

That’s very well put, davelj.

Also some people “think” they are happy but upon move probing find out that they’re actually unhappy.

I believe that it’s like buying a house. When you’re young and get the first house, you think that it’s great. Over time, you get used to it then you develop “pride of ownership”. You’re proud of your neighborhood and grateful the schools your kids attend. That’s the only world you know so you’re happy.

A lot of other folks outgrow their houses and neighborhoods and they want to move up if they can afford it. They find happiness in a more desirable house.

Or, to tie it to the subject of this thread, they say that enough is enough and they walk away from the obligations.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.[/quote]

That’s very well put, davelj.

Also some people “think” they are happy but upon move probing find out that they’re actually unhappy.

I believe that it’s like buying a house. When you’re young and get the first house, you think that it’s great. Over time, you get used to it then you develop “pride of ownership”. You’re proud of your neighborhood and grateful the schools your kids attend. That’s the only world you know so you’re happy.

A lot of other folks outgrow their houses and neighborhoods and they want to move up if they can afford it. They find happiness in a more desirable house.

Or, to tie it to the subject of this thread, they say that enough is enough and they walk away from the obligations.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.[/quote]

That’s very well put, davelj.

Also some people “think” they are happy but upon move probing find out that they’re actually unhappy.

I believe that it’s like buying a house. When you’re young and get the first house, you think that it’s great. Over time, you get used to it then you develop “pride of ownership”. You’re proud of your neighborhood and grateful the schools your kids attend. That’s the only world you know so you’re happy.

A lot of other folks outgrow their houses and neighborhoods and they want to move up if they can afford it. They find happiness in a more desirable house.

Or, to tie it to the subject of this thread, they say that enough is enough and they walk away from the obligations.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.[/quote]

That’s very well put, davelj.

Also some people “think” they are happy but upon move probing find out that they’re actually unhappy.

I believe that it’s like buying a house. When you’re young and get the first house, you think that it’s great. Over time, you get used to it then you develop “pride of ownership”. You’re proud of your neighborhood and grateful the schools your kids attend. That’s the only world you know so you’re happy.

A lot of other folks outgrow their houses and neighborhoods and they want to move up if they can afford it. They find happiness in a more desirable house.

Or, to tie it to the subject of this thread, they say that enough is enough and they walk away from the obligations.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.[/quote]

That’s very well put, davelj.

Also some people “think” they are happy but upon move probing find out that they’re actually unhappy.

I believe that it’s like buying a house. When you’re young and get the first house, you think that it’s great. Over time, you get used to it then you develop “pride of ownership”. You’re proud of your neighborhood and grateful the schools your kids attend. That’s the only world you know so you’re happy.

A lot of other folks outgrow their houses and neighborhoods and they want to move up if they can afford it. They find happiness in a more desirable house.

Or, to tie it to the subject of this thread, they say that enough is enough and they walk away from the obligations.

[UCGal]

Not to sound all pessimistic and gloomy like Scaredy – but is anyone happy 100% of the time?

Are single people happy 100% of the time?

Marriage will not solve your problems – but it can make life richer and more enjoyable. It can also make life more miserable if you’re in a bad marriage.

Even if you have a job you love – do you love it every day of the week and never dream of chucking it all and retiring early?

Marriage is like that – you hope for and work for a marriage that adds more to your life than subtracts.

My parents were married for 47 years when my mom died. They were close to divorce a few times. But they worked it out. They were absolutely miserable during those rough spots. But they had good times AFTER the bad times – they’d managed to put things back together and enjoy life with each other again. It’s given me a clear view that marriage does not make you happy you have to work on your own happiness – and marriage doesn’t solve all your problems.

I’ve only been married 10 years – but it’s long enough that the “bloom is gone” – but we have a solid foundation and we still enjoy each others company. I’d rather be going through life with my husband than without him. Do we fight – sure. Am I 100% happy with everything he does… Hell no.

I’ve got a lot of friends just like me.

I also have friends who are divorced. Many of them should never have gotten married in the first place. But they didn’t have very realistic views of what a marriage is before they got married. I’m not surprised they’re divorced.

To make blanket statements that all marriage is good or all marriage is bad, that marriage is unnatural for everyone… that misses the fact there ARE good solid marriages out there.

[UCGal]

Not to sound all pessimistic and gloomy like Scaredy – but is anyone happy 100% of the time?

Are single people happy 100% of the time?

Marriage will not solve your problems – but it can make life richer and more enjoyable. It can also make life more miserable if you’re in a bad marriage.

Even if you have a job you love – do you love it every day of the week and never dream of chucking it all and retiring early?

Marriage is like that – you hope for and work for a marriage that adds more to your life than subtracts.

My parents were married for 47 years when my mom died. They were close to divorce a few times. But they worked it out. They were absolutely miserable during those rough spots. But they had good times AFTER the bad times – they’d managed to put things back together and enjoy life with each other again. It’s given me a clear view that marriage does not make you happy you have to work on your own happiness – and marriage doesn’t solve all your problems.

I’ve only been married 10 years – but it’s long enough that the “bloom is gone” – but we have a solid foundation and we still enjoy each others company. I’d rather be going through life with my husband than without him. Do we fight – sure. Am I 100% happy with everything he does… Hell no.

I’ve got a lot of friends just like me.

I also have friends who are divorced. Many of them should never have gotten married in the first place. But they didn’t have very realistic views of what a marriage is before they got married. I’m not surprised they’re divorced.

To make blanket statements that all marriage is good or all marriage is bad, that marriage is unnatural for everyone… that misses the fact there ARE good solid marriages out there.

[UCGal]

Not to sound all pessimistic and gloomy like Scaredy – but is anyone happy 100% of the time?

Are single people happy 100% of the time?

Marriage will not solve your problems – but it can make life richer and more enjoyable. It can also make life more miserable if you’re in a bad marriage.

Even if you have a job you love – do you love it every day of the week and never dream of chucking it all and retiring early?

Marriage is like that – you hope for and work for a marriage that adds more to your life than subtracts.

My parents were married for 47 years when my mom died. They were close to divorce a few times. But they worked it out. They were absolutely miserable during those rough spots. But they had good times AFTER the bad times – they’d managed to put things back together and enjoy life with each other again. It’s given me a clear view that marriage does not make you happy you have to work on your own happiness – and marriage doesn’t solve all your problems.

I’ve only been married 10 years – but it’s long enough that the “bloom is gone” – but we have a solid foundation and we still enjoy each others company. I’d rather be going through life with my husband than without him. Do we fight – sure. Am I 100% happy with everything he does… Hell no.

I’ve got a lot of friends just like me.

I also have friends who are divorced. Many of them should never have gotten married in the first place. But they didn’t have very realistic views of what a marriage is before they got married. I’m not surprised they’re divorced.

To make blanket statements that all marriage is good or all marriage is bad, that marriage is unnatural for everyone… that misses the fact there ARE good solid marriages out there.

[UCGal]

Not to sound all pessimistic and gloomy like Scaredy – but is anyone happy 100% of the time?

Are single people happy 100% of the time?

Marriage will not solve your problems – but it can make life richer and more enjoyable. It can also make life more miserable if you’re in a bad marriage.

Even if you have a job you love – do you love it every day of the week and never dream of chucking it all and retiring early?

Marriage is like that – you hope for and work for a marriage that adds more to your life than subtracts.

My parents were married for 47 years when my mom died. They were close to divorce a few times. But they worked it out. They were absolutely miserable during those rough spots. But they had good times AFTER the bad times – they’d managed to put things back together and enjoy life with each other again. It’s given me a clear view that marriage does not make you happy you have to work on your own happiness – and marriage doesn’t solve all your problems.

I’ve only been married 10 years – but it’s long enough that the “bloom is gone” – but we have a solid foundation and we still enjoy each others company. I’d rather be going through life with my husband than without him. Do we fight – sure. Am I 100% happy with everything he does… Hell no.

I’ve got a lot of friends just like me.

I also have friends who are divorced. Many of them should never have gotten married in the first place. But they didn’t have very realistic views of what a marriage is before they got married. I’m not surprised they’re divorced.

To make blanket statements that all marriage is good or all marriage is bad, that marriage is unnatural for everyone… that misses the fact there ARE good solid marriages out there.

[Author]

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