OT: “Bob Rubin Just Wants to be Cuddled”

[UCGal]

[quote=davelj]
To expand on one of my favorite topics, my very crude breakdown of married men is as follows:

40% cheat (to greatly varying degrees)
50% want to cheat but can’t (unattractive, too busy, etc.)
3% gay
2% swingers
5% other – don’t cheat and don’t have any interest in cheating

What I’ve found is that the 93% in the top three groups spend much of their married lives trying to convince their families that they’re in the 5% “other” category.
[/quote]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.

The key is – as someone else in this thread pointed out – most married people do a cost benefit analysis – and some percentage choose to ‘tap that’ (cheaters) while others figure, that for their situation, the cost is too high. They like their marriage/lifestyle and don’t want to risk it for sex outside the marriage. I don’t think that’s the same as them wishing they could cheat but not being attractive enough or being too busy… it’s just sticking with the commitment they made because they like their married life.

It’s kind of like desert – some people will NEVER say no to desert. Even when they’re full. Even when they’re on a diet. Others decide it’s not worth the calories or that they’re full – even though the desert looks really yummy. And a small percentage really have no interest in desert ever – no sweet tooth. The folks who turn it down do not necessarily live with regret over turning down the desert.

[davelj]

[quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…

[davelj]

[quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…

[davelj]

[quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…

[davelj]

[quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…

[davelj]

[quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…

[briansd1]

[quote=DWCAP]
(please dont take this as a ‘blame the wife’ post, it most certainly isnt. its a ‘You dumbass, you married the wrong woman post.)[/quote]

That’s actually a very good observation.

But even if you marry the right woman, each person in the relationship needs to evolve at the same rate and in the same direction. Otherwise, the right spouse will become the wrong one as time goes by.

Great life-long relationships can happen but they’re not the rule. Not based on my own observations.

If you believe that comfort, security, building a nest, and leaving behind a progeny, are most important then marriage is the answer.

[briansd1]

[quote=DWCAP]
(please dont take this as a ‘blame the wife’ post, it most certainly isnt. its a ‘You dumbass, you married the wrong woman post.)[/quote]

That’s actually a very good observation.

But even if you marry the right woman, each person in the relationship needs to evolve at the same rate and in the same direction. Otherwise, the right spouse will become the wrong one as time goes by.

Great life-long relationships can happen but they’re not the rule. Not based on my own observations.

If you believe that comfort, security, building a nest, and leaving behind a progeny, are most important then marriage is the answer.

[briansd1]

[quote=DWCAP]
(please dont take this as a ‘blame the wife’ post, it most certainly isnt. its a ‘You dumbass, you married the wrong woman post.)[/quote]

That’s actually a very good observation.

But even if you marry the right woman, each person in the relationship needs to evolve at the same rate and in the same direction. Otherwise, the right spouse will become the wrong one as time goes by.

Great life-long relationships can happen but they’re not the rule. Not based on my own observations.

If you believe that comfort, security, building a nest, and leaving behind a progeny, are most important then marriage is the answer.

[briansd1]

[quote=DWCAP]
(please dont take this as a ‘blame the wife’ post, it most certainly isnt. its a ‘You dumbass, you married the wrong woman post.)[/quote]

That’s actually a very good observation.

But even if you marry the right woman, each person in the relationship needs to evolve at the same rate and in the same direction. Otherwise, the right spouse will become the wrong one as time goes by.

Great life-long relationships can happen but they’re not the rule. Not based on my own observations.

If you believe that comfort, security, building a nest, and leaving behind a progeny, are most important then marriage is the answer.

[briansd1]

[quote=DWCAP]
(please dont take this as a ‘blame the wife’ post, it most certainly isnt. its a ‘You dumbass, you married the wrong woman post.)[/quote]

That’s actually a very good observation.

But even if you marry the right woman, each person in the relationship needs to evolve at the same rate and in the same direction. Otherwise, the right spouse will become the wrong one as time goes by.

Great life-long relationships can happen but they’re not the rule. Not based on my own observations.

If you believe that comfort, security, building a nest, and leaving behind a progeny, are most important then marriage is the answer.

[NotCranky]

[quote=davelj][quote=Russell]
The people I hang out with and have watched over the years value keeping their word. I have always avoided anything more than incidental contact with people who lie to their partners. This is not to say I think everyone honest can, or will, succeed at monogamy, just that some will be 100% truthful about it. I understand if you can’t imagine that scenario. Maybe it is rare.
[/quote]

I think you should rephrase that as, “The people I hang out with and have watched over the years have been successful at convincing me that they value keeping their word.” Some of them actually do value keeping their word. In my experience, however, for many it’s just an act. I know plenty of married dudes who convince their friends who are like you that they don’t lie to their partners because you aren’t the sort of guy they’re going to be truthful with about such things. Under the MAD (mutually-assured destruction) principal, most guys who cheat only discuss such things with single guys who empathize with their plight and married guys who are also out hound dogging around.

I can imagine the scenario you’re talking about and I accounted for it in my original post. But, yes, I think it’s rare.

As a thought experiment ask yourself this: How many guys in this group that you think don’t cheat and are 100% truthful, etc… if they were on business in NYC – far from home – and met a very hot woman that comes onto them hard and heavy and asks for one night of sex, absolutely no strings attached whatsoever (no exchange of business cards, money or anything), would turn it down? Would you? Maybe… but I doubt it. This has nothing to do with you, personally (I don’t know you, after all), but rather that the number is so low that if I generalize about 100 men, I’ll be wrong so rarely that’s it’s not worth contemplating.[/quote]

Good idea not to make it TOO personal. I think my friends would not be impressed by the New York scenario. Nothing I can do about your doubts, Dave. I would turn it down because although I have the “pegue” to merit such a situation and it has happend to me,I would have serious concerns about the intentions, and state of health, mental and otherwise of such a woman.It wouldn’t be my style. One rule I had even when I was single was not to do one night stands.Similar to not playing russian roulette.
You would be surprised at the effect this has on women. Maybe you would like a mentor Dave?

[NotCranky]

[quote=davelj][quote=Russell]
The people I hang out with and have watched over the years value keeping their word. I have always avoided anything more than incidental contact with people who lie to their partners. This is not to say I think everyone honest can, or will, succeed at monogamy, just that some will be 100% truthful about it. I understand if you can’t imagine that scenario. Maybe it is rare.
[/quote]

I think you should rephrase that as, “The people I hang out with and have watched over the years have been successful at convincing me that they value keeping their word.” Some of them actually do value keeping their word. In my experience, however, for many it’s just an act. I know plenty of married dudes who convince their friends who are like you that they don’t lie to their partners because you aren’t the sort of guy they’re going to be truthful with about such things. Under the MAD (mutually-assured destruction) principal, most guys who cheat only discuss such things with single guys who empathize with their plight and married guys who are also out hound dogging around.

I can imagine the scenario you’re talking about and I accounted for it in my original post. But, yes, I think it’s rare.

As a thought experiment ask yourself this: How many guys in this group that you think don’t cheat and are 100% truthful, etc… if they were on business in NYC – far from home – and met a very hot woman that comes onto them hard and heavy and asks for one night of sex, absolutely no strings attached whatsoever (no exchange of business cards, money or anything), would turn it down? Would you? Maybe… but I doubt it. This has nothing to do with you, personally (I don’t know you, after all), but rather that the number is so low that if I generalize about 100 men, I’ll be wrong so rarely that’s it’s not worth contemplating.[/quote]

Good idea not to make it TOO personal. I think my friends would not be impressed by the New York scenario. Nothing I can do about your doubts, Dave. I would turn it down because although I have the “pegue” to merit such a situation and it has happend to me,I would have serious concerns about the intentions, and state of health, mental and otherwise of such a woman.It wouldn’t be my style. One rule I had even when I was single was not to do one night stands.Similar to not playing russian roulette.
You would be surprised at the effect this has on women. Maybe you would like a mentor Dave?

[NotCranky]

[quote=davelj][quote=Russell]
The people I hang out with and have watched over the years value keeping their word. I have always avoided anything more than incidental contact with people who lie to their partners. This is not to say I think everyone honest can, or will, succeed at monogamy, just that some will be 100% truthful about it. I understand if you can’t imagine that scenario. Maybe it is rare.
[/quote]

I think you should rephrase that as, “The people I hang out with and have watched over the years have been successful at convincing me that they value keeping their word.” Some of them actually do value keeping their word. In my experience, however, for many it’s just an act. I know plenty of married dudes who convince their friends who are like you that they don’t lie to their partners because you aren’t the sort of guy they’re going to be truthful with about such things. Under the MAD (mutually-assured destruction) principal, most guys who cheat only discuss such things with single guys who empathize with their plight and married guys who are also out hound dogging around.

I can imagine the scenario you’re talking about and I accounted for it in my original post. But, yes, I think it’s rare.

As a thought experiment ask yourself this: How many guys in this group that you think don’t cheat and are 100% truthful, etc… if they were on business in NYC – far from home – and met a very hot woman that comes onto them hard and heavy and asks for one night of sex, absolutely no strings attached whatsoever (no exchange of business cards, money or anything), would turn it down? Would you? Maybe… but I doubt it. This has nothing to do with you, personally (I don’t know you, after all), but rather that the number is so low that if I generalize about 100 men, I’ll be wrong so rarely that’s it’s not worth contemplating.[/quote]

Good idea not to make it TOO personal. I think my friends would not be impressed by the New York scenario. Nothing I can do about your doubts, Dave. I would turn it down because although I have the “pegue” to merit such a situation and it has happend to me,I would have serious concerns about the intentions, and state of health, mental and otherwise of such a woman.It wouldn’t be my style. One rule I had even when I was single was not to do one night stands.Similar to not playing russian roulette.
You would be surprised at the effect this has on women. Maybe you would like a mentor Dave?

[NotCranky]

[quote=davelj][quote=Russell]
The people I hang out with and have watched over the years value keeping their word. I have always avoided anything more than incidental contact with people who lie to their partners. This is not to say I think everyone honest can, or will, succeed at monogamy, just that some will be 100% truthful about it. I understand if you can’t imagine that scenario. Maybe it is rare.
[/quote]

I think you should rephrase that as, “The people I hang out with and have watched over the years have been successful at convincing me that they value keeping their word.” Some of them actually do value keeping their word. In my experience, however, for many it’s just an act. I know plenty of married dudes who convince their friends who are like you that they don’t lie to their partners because you aren’t the sort of guy they’re going to be truthful with about such things. Under the MAD (mutually-assured destruction) principal, most guys who cheat only discuss such things with single guys who empathize with their plight and married guys who are also out hound dogging around.

I can imagine the scenario you’re talking about and I accounted for it in my original post. But, yes, I think it’s rare.

As a thought experiment ask yourself this: How many guys in this group that you think don’t cheat and are 100% truthful, etc… if they were on business in NYC – far from home – and met a very hot woman that comes onto them hard and heavy and asks for one night of sex, absolutely no strings attached whatsoever (no exchange of business cards, money or anything), would turn it down? Would you? Maybe… but I doubt it. This has nothing to do with you, personally (I don’t know you, after all), but rather that the number is so low that if I generalize about 100 men, I’ll be wrong so rarely that’s it’s not worth contemplating.[/quote]

Good idea not to make it TOO personal. I think my friends would not be impressed by the New York scenario. Nothing I can do about your doubts, Dave. I would turn it down because although I have the “pegue” to merit such a situation and it has happend to me,I would have serious concerns about the intentions, and state of health, mental and otherwise of such a woman.It wouldn’t be my style. One rule I had even when I was single was not to do one night stands.Similar to not playing russian roulette.
You would be surprised at the effect this has on women. Maybe you would like a mentor Dave?

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