OT: “Bob Rubin Just Wants to be Cuddled”

[NotCranky]

[quote=davelj][quote=Russell]
The people I hang out with and have watched over the years value keeping their word. I have always avoided anything more than incidental contact with people who lie to their partners. This is not to say I think everyone honest can, or will, succeed at monogamy, just that some will be 100% truthful about it. I understand if you can’t imagine that scenario. Maybe it is rare.
[/quote]

I think you should rephrase that as, “The people I hang out with and have watched over the years have been successful at convincing me that they value keeping their word.” Some of them actually do value keeping their word. In my experience, however, for many it’s just an act. I know plenty of married dudes who convince their friends who are like you that they don’t lie to their partners because you aren’t the sort of guy they’re going to be truthful with about such things. Under the MAD (mutually-assured destruction) principal, most guys who cheat only discuss such things with single guys who empathize with their plight and married guys who are also out hound dogging around.

I can imagine the scenario you’re talking about and I accounted for it in my original post. But, yes, I think it’s rare.

As a thought experiment ask yourself this: How many guys in this group that you think don’t cheat and are 100% truthful, etc… if they were on business in NYC – far from home – and met a very hot woman that comes onto them hard and heavy and asks for one night of sex, absolutely no strings attached whatsoever (no exchange of business cards, money or anything), would turn it down? Would you? Maybe… but I doubt it. This has nothing to do with you, personally (I don’t know you, after all), but rather that the number is so low that if I generalize about 100 men, I’ll be wrong so rarely that’s it’s not worth contemplating.[/quote]

Good idea not to make it TOO personal. I think my friends would not be impressed by the New York scenario. Nothing I can do about your doubts, Dave. I would turn it down because although I have the “pegue” to merit such a situation and it has happend to me,I would have serious concerns about the intentions, and state of health, mental and otherwise of such a woman.It wouldn’t be my style. One rule I had even when I was single was not to do one night stands.Similar to not playing russian roulette.
You would be surprised at the effect this has on women. Maybe you would like a mentor Dave?

[UCGal]

[quote=davelj][quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

I’m married. Hubby hasn’t asked. Hubby doesn’t seem unhappy. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? If he were miserable, and or if he asked… I’d take your suggestion.

I don’t know that the risk/reward is worth it. What we have works. For both of us (not just me.)

[UCGal]

[quote=davelj][quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

I’m married. Hubby hasn’t asked. Hubby doesn’t seem unhappy. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? If he were miserable, and or if he asked… I’d take your suggestion.

I don’t know that the risk/reward is worth it. What we have works. For both of us (not just me.)

[UCGal]

[quote=davelj][quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

I’m married. Hubby hasn’t asked. Hubby doesn’t seem unhappy. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? If he were miserable, and or if he asked… I’d take your suggestion.

I don’t know that the risk/reward is worth it. What we have works. For both of us (not just me.)

[UCGal]

[quote=davelj][quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

I’m married. Hubby hasn’t asked. Hubby doesn’t seem unhappy. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? If he were miserable, and or if he asked… I’d take your suggestion.

I don’t know that the risk/reward is worth it. What we have works. For both of us (not just me.)

[UCGal]

[quote=davelj][quote=UCGal]

I will agree that 50% of married men who DON’T step outside the marriage probably face temptation at one point or another – probably even multiple times a day.

Lets face it – the thought “I’d tap that if given a chance” probably goes through men’s brains every time they see an attractive person. But the key is – they don’t all act on it.

Does this correlate to them “trying to convince their family they’re in the 5%”…

I don’t think so. I think most wives know their husbands DO look at other women and sometimes think “Hmmm, I’d like to sleep with her”.
[/quote]

Perhaps. I could give you the benefit of the doubt here in a lot of cases.

Let me ask you this, because I’m curious – I’m assuming you’re married, right? I can’t recall from the threads, but I think so – assuming your husband occasionally wants to sleep with some other woman, but doesn’t want to leave the marriage, why not just let him? If you care about his happiness – which I assume you do – why not let him screw around occasionally if he’s discreet about it? Likewise, why not ask him to let you do the same (again, using discretion)?

I’ve never understood what the big deal was about sex. As long as no one brings a disease back to the house or ends up with another child… it’s just another physical activity at the end of the day. Not unlike playing tennis. I’m not saying folks should join “the Lifestyle” (as folks I know who are in call it), but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

I’m married. Hubby hasn’t asked. Hubby doesn’t seem unhappy. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? If he were miserable, and or if he asked… I’d take your suggestion.

I don’t know that the risk/reward is worth it. What we have works. For both of us (not just me.)

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

That’s why I say that the French are better adjusted.

In America, well-off folks have more freedom because they have the means to go away discreetly for short time without drama.

There’s a lot of drama when poor folks are involved because there’s not enough money to go around.

Wives don’t want to give their husbands freedom because with freedom comes uncertainty.

Before romantic love as a reason for marriage, people would marry for convenience and estate planning (parents would arrange and approve marriage). They were just as happy as we are now.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

That’s why I say that the French are better adjusted.

In America, well-off folks have more freedom because they have the means to go away discreetly for short time without drama.

There’s a lot of drama when poor folks are involved because there’s not enough money to go around.

Wives don’t want to give their husbands freedom because with freedom comes uncertainty.

Before romantic love as a reason for marriage, people would marry for convenience and estate planning (parents would arrange and approve marriage). They were just as happy as we are now.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

That’s why I say that the French are better adjusted.

In America, well-off folks have more freedom because they have the means to go away discreetly for short time without drama.

There’s a lot of drama when poor folks are involved because there’s not enough money to go around.

Wives don’t want to give their husbands freedom because with freedom comes uncertainty.

Before romantic love as a reason for marriage, people would marry for convenience and estate planning (parents would arrange and approve marriage). They were just as happy as we are now.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

That’s why I say that the French are better adjusted.

In America, well-off folks have more freedom because they have the means to go away discreetly for short time without drama.

There’s a lot of drama when poor folks are involved because there’s not enough money to go around.

Wives don’t want to give their husbands freedom because with freedom comes uncertainty.

Before romantic love as a reason for marriage, people would marry for convenience and estate planning (parents would arrange and approve marriage). They were just as happy as we are now.

[briansd1]

[quote=davelj] but discreet, safe sex outside a marriage… why is it such a big deal? Well, but for the fact that our culture has deemed it so…[/quote]

That’s why I say that the French are better adjusted.

In America, well-off folks have more freedom because they have the means to go away discreetly for short time without drama.

There’s a lot of drama when poor folks are involved because there’s not enough money to go around.

Wives don’t want to give their husbands freedom because with freedom comes uncertainty.

Before romantic love as a reason for marriage, people would marry for convenience and estate planning (parents would arrange and approve marriage). They were just as happy as we are now.

[briansd1]

UCGal, you seem like a good person who’s willing to accept and consider reality.

Your husband is lucky he met you, rather than some other woman. 😉

[briansd1]

UCGal, you seem like a good person who’s willing to accept and consider reality.

Your husband is lucky he met you, rather than some other woman. 😉

[briansd1]

UCGal, you seem like a good person who’s willing to accept and consider reality.

Your husband is lucky he met you, rather than some other woman. 😉

[briansd1]

UCGal, you seem like a good person who’s willing to accept and consider reality.

Your husband is lucky he met you, rather than some other woman. 😉

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