OT – Having family live with you temporarily.

[ibjames]

[quote=CBad]I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.

And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.

The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.

lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.[/quote]

well.. after your replies, it seems like this person has maybe burned a few bridges before, so I think your rules are fair also. Open for negotiation if the person isn’t looking for a place to shack up for 2 months..

[CBad]

Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly!

[CBad]

Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly!

[CBad]

Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly!

[CBad]

Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly!

[CBad]

Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly!

[sdduuuude]

1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.

[sdduuuude]

1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.

[sdduuuude]

1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.

[sdduuuude]

1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.

[sdduuuude]

1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.

[Coronita]

[quote=CBad]Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly![/quote]

Regardless of how much he wants to be financially prudent(which may be another issue), if this person is emotionally distraught right now, the last thing he will be thinking about is money and managing it well. In fact, normal people would spend money out of a depression on booze, movies, flings, you name it.

People tend not to penny pinch at
1) Weddings
2) Babies
3) Divorces
4) Funerals

because these are typically emotional events.

That said, if you really want to help him/her financially, charge him as much as you can, and tuck it away for him until he’s out of his emotional state. He’ll thank you for it and if he doesn’t, it’s the last time you deal with him.

Let your husband play “bad guy” figuratively. If you get into a spot, just say “because you’re all a guest of hubby, so you better follow the rules”

[Coronita]

[quote=CBad]Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly![/quote]

Regardless of how much he wants to be financially prudent(which may be another issue), if this person is emotionally distraught right now, the last thing he will be thinking about is money and managing it well. In fact, normal people would spend money out of a depression on booze, movies, flings, you name it.

People tend not to penny pinch at
1) Weddings
2) Babies
3) Divorces
4) Funerals

because these are typically emotional events.

That said, if you really want to help him/her financially, charge him as much as you can, and tuck it away for him until he’s out of his emotional state. He’ll thank you for it and if he doesn’t, it’s the last time you deal with him.

Let your husband play “bad guy” figuratively. If you get into a spot, just say “because you’re all a guest of hubby, so you better follow the rules”

[Coronita]

[quote=CBad]Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly![/quote]

Regardless of how much he wants to be financially prudent(which may be another issue), if this person is emotionally distraught right now, the last thing he will be thinking about is money and managing it well. In fact, normal people would spend money out of a depression on booze, movies, flings, you name it.

People tend not to penny pinch at
1) Weddings
2) Babies
3) Divorces
4) Funerals

because these are typically emotional events.

That said, if you really want to help him/her financially, charge him as much as you can, and tuck it away for him until he’s out of his emotional state. He’ll thank you for it and if he doesn’t, it’s the last time you deal with him.

Let your husband play “bad guy” figuratively. If you get into a spot, just say “because you’re all a guest of hubby, so you better follow the rules”

[Coronita]

[quote=CBad]Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly![/quote]

Regardless of how much he wants to be financially prudent(which may be another issue), if this person is emotionally distraught right now, the last thing he will be thinking about is money and managing it well. In fact, normal people would spend money out of a depression on booze, movies, flings, you name it.

People tend not to penny pinch at
1) Weddings
2) Babies
3) Divorces
4) Funerals

because these are typically emotional events.

That said, if you really want to help him/her financially, charge him as much as you can, and tuck it away for him until he’s out of his emotional state. He’ll thank you for it and if he doesn’t, it’s the last time you deal with him.

Let your husband play “bad guy” figuratively. If you get into a spot, just say “because you’re all a guest of hubby, so you better follow the rules”

[Author]

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