- This topic has 180 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 10 months ago by
CBad.
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January 30, 2009 at 12:14 PM #339308January 30, 2009 at 12:23 PM #338772
CoronitaParticipantCharge them “rent”.
Like make them pay for groceries or 1 utility bill or something. Not that you need the money…Make sure that they know this isn’t a “free” ride. Also, this makes him go out a find a job and at least do something then just sit at home all day.
You better make sure things are ok with your hubby before doing this. It’s one of those things that would tick me off frankly if someone was going to just come and stay and have no plans of moving on.
Personally, I admire a woman who think of their own family first before any extended families.January 30, 2009 at 12:23 PM #339104CoronitaParticipantCharge them “rent”.
Like make them pay for groceries or 1 utility bill or something. Not that you need the money…Make sure that they know this isn’t a “free” ride. Also, this makes him go out a find a job and at least do something then just sit at home all day.
You better make sure things are ok with your hubby before doing this. It’s one of those things that would tick me off frankly if someone was going to just come and stay and have no plans of moving on.
Personally, I admire a woman who think of their own family first before any extended families.January 30, 2009 at 12:23 PM #339199CoronitaParticipantCharge them “rent”.
Like make them pay for groceries or 1 utility bill or something. Not that you need the money…Make sure that they know this isn’t a “free” ride. Also, this makes him go out a find a job and at least do something then just sit at home all day.
You better make sure things are ok with your hubby before doing this. It’s one of those things that would tick me off frankly if someone was going to just come and stay and have no plans of moving on.
Personally, I admire a woman who think of their own family first before any extended families.January 30, 2009 at 12:23 PM #339226CoronitaParticipantCharge them “rent”.
Like make them pay for groceries or 1 utility bill or something. Not that you need the money…Make sure that they know this isn’t a “free” ride. Also, this makes him go out a find a job and at least do something then just sit at home all day.
You better make sure things are ok with your hubby before doing this. It’s one of those things that would tick me off frankly if someone was going to just come and stay and have no plans of moving on.
Personally, I admire a woman who think of their own family first before any extended families.January 30, 2009 at 12:23 PM #339318CoronitaParticipantCharge them “rent”.
Like make them pay for groceries or 1 utility bill or something. Not that you need the money…Make sure that they know this isn’t a “free” ride. Also, this makes him go out a find a job and at least do something then just sit at home all day.
You better make sure things are ok with your hubby before doing this. It’s one of those things that would tick me off frankly if someone was going to just come and stay and have no plans of moving on.
Personally, I admire a woman who think of their own family first before any extended families.January 30, 2009 at 12:28 PM #338777Anonymous
GuestHaving family stay with you is ALWAYS a potential recipe for disaster. I think your rules are more than fair.
The suggestion he might have some emotional issues and needs to be TLC’d…well, even if he does- a grown up needs to work on those issues & still be a grown up. Good boundaries are especially important in that situation.
Good luck! Compassion is wonderful, but hold true to your rules…
January 30, 2009 at 12:28 PM #339109GuestHaving family stay with you is ALWAYS a potential recipe for disaster. I think your rules are more than fair.
The suggestion he might have some emotional issues and needs to be TLC’d…well, even if he does- a grown up needs to work on those issues & still be a grown up. Good boundaries are especially important in that situation.
Good luck! Compassion is wonderful, but hold true to your rules…
January 30, 2009 at 12:28 PM #339204GuestHaving family stay with you is ALWAYS a potential recipe for disaster. I think your rules are more than fair.
The suggestion he might have some emotional issues and needs to be TLC’d…well, even if he does- a grown up needs to work on those issues & still be a grown up. Good boundaries are especially important in that situation.
Good luck! Compassion is wonderful, but hold true to your rules…
January 30, 2009 at 12:28 PM #339231GuestHaving family stay with you is ALWAYS a potential recipe for disaster. I think your rules are more than fair.
The suggestion he might have some emotional issues and needs to be TLC’d…well, even if he does- a grown up needs to work on those issues & still be a grown up. Good boundaries are especially important in that situation.
Good luck! Compassion is wonderful, but hold true to your rules…
January 30, 2009 at 12:28 PM #339323GuestHaving family stay with you is ALWAYS a potential recipe for disaster. I think your rules are more than fair.
The suggestion he might have some emotional issues and needs to be TLC’d…well, even if he does- a grown up needs to work on those issues & still be a grown up. Good boundaries are especially important in that situation.
Good luck! Compassion is wonderful, but hold true to your rules…
January 30, 2009 at 12:43 PM #338797ibjames
Participant[quote=CBad]I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.
And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.
The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.
lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.[/quote]
well.. after your replies, it seems like this person has maybe burned a few bridges before, so I think your rules are fair also. Open for negotiation if the person isn’t looking for a place to shack up for 2 months..
January 30, 2009 at 12:43 PM #339129Participant[quote=CBad]I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.
And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.
The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.
lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.[/quote]
well.. after your replies, it seems like this person has maybe burned a few bridges before, so I think your rules are fair also. Open for negotiation if the person isn’t looking for a place to shack up for 2 months..
January 30, 2009 at 12:43 PM #339224Participant[quote=CBad]I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.
And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.
The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.
lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.[/quote]
well.. after your replies, it seems like this person has maybe burned a few bridges before, so I think your rules are fair also. Open for negotiation if the person isn’t looking for a place to shack up for 2 months..
January 30, 2009 at 12:43 PM #339251Participant[quote=CBad]I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.
And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.
The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.
lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.[/quote]
well.. after your replies, it seems like this person has maybe burned a few bridges before, so I think your rules are fair also. Open for negotiation if the person isn’t looking for a place to shack up for 2 months..
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