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  • This topic has 180 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 16 years ago by CBad.
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  • January 30, 2009 at 11:27 AM #339273
    Eugene
    Participant

    [quote=Username]Why not give him a tent and make him camp out in the yard? It’s not that cold at night. Let him come inside to take a shower and eat and hopefully you have wireless so he can use internet from a laptop and an extention cord.[/quote]

    Why let him come inside to take a shower? Just give him a garden hose. And if he wants to use his laptop, give him a pedal generator.

    Geez.

    January 30, 2009 at 11:32 AM #338733
    Enorah
    Participant

    CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

    You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

    January 30, 2009 at 11:32 AM #339064
    Enorah
    Participant

    CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

    You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

    January 30, 2009 at 11:32 AM #339159
    Enorah
    Participant

    CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

    You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

    January 30, 2009 at 11:32 AM #339186
    Enorah
    Participant

    CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

    You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

    January 30, 2009 at 11:32 AM #339278
    Enorah
    Participant

    CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

    You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

    January 30, 2009 at 11:59 AM #338753
    ibjames
    Participant

    Your rules seem fair, would change the time frame though, if they are going to school, and doing better, maybe help them with that? Evaluate their financial condition and if they need help let them stay and you get to access their bills to make sure they are paying themselves off etc.

    If you don’t set some sort of deadline though, it becomes easy to get taken advantage of if the person is just lagging around..

    but if they are truly turning their life around due to you helping them, why not make their life changing a little bit easier if they are actually doing it and let them stay on the cheap?

    You can also go out a little bit more and have fun with your significant other because you have a babysitter whenever you want

    January 30, 2009 at 11:59 AM #339084
    ibjames
    Participant

    Your rules seem fair, would change the time frame though, if they are going to school, and doing better, maybe help them with that? Evaluate their financial condition and if they need help let them stay and you get to access their bills to make sure they are paying themselves off etc.

    If you don’t set some sort of deadline though, it becomes easy to get taken advantage of if the person is just lagging around..

    but if they are truly turning their life around due to you helping them, why not make their life changing a little bit easier if they are actually doing it and let them stay on the cheap?

    You can also go out a little bit more and have fun with your significant other because you have a babysitter whenever you want

    January 30, 2009 at 11:59 AM #339179
    ibjames
    Participant

    Your rules seem fair, would change the time frame though, if they are going to school, and doing better, maybe help them with that? Evaluate their financial condition and if they need help let them stay and you get to access their bills to make sure they are paying themselves off etc.

    If you don’t set some sort of deadline though, it becomes easy to get taken advantage of if the person is just lagging around..

    but if they are truly turning their life around due to you helping them, why not make their life changing a little bit easier if they are actually doing it and let them stay on the cheap?

    You can also go out a little bit more and have fun with your significant other because you have a babysitter whenever you want

    January 30, 2009 at 11:59 AM #339206
    ibjames
    Participant

    Your rules seem fair, would change the time frame though, if they are going to school, and doing better, maybe help them with that? Evaluate their financial condition and if they need help let them stay and you get to access their bills to make sure they are paying themselves off etc.

    If you don’t set some sort of deadline though, it becomes easy to get taken advantage of if the person is just lagging around..

    but if they are truly turning their life around due to you helping them, why not make their life changing a little bit easier if they are actually doing it and let them stay on the cheap?

    You can also go out a little bit more and have fun with your significant other because you have a babysitter whenever you want

    January 30, 2009 at 11:59 AM #339298
    ibjames
    Participant

    Your rules seem fair, would change the time frame though, if they are going to school, and doing better, maybe help them with that? Evaluate their financial condition and if they need help let them stay and you get to access their bills to make sure they are paying themselves off etc.

    If you don’t set some sort of deadline though, it becomes easy to get taken advantage of if the person is just lagging around..

    but if they are truly turning their life around due to you helping them, why not make their life changing a little bit easier if they are actually doing it and let them stay on the cheap?

    You can also go out a little bit more and have fun with your significant other because you have a babysitter whenever you want

    January 30, 2009 at 12:14 PM #338762
    CBad
    Participant

    I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.

    And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.

    The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.

    lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.

    January 30, 2009 at 12:14 PM #339094
    CBad
    Participant

    I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.

    And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.

    The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.

    lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.

    January 30, 2009 at 12:14 PM #339189
    CBad
    Participant

    I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.

    And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.

    The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.

    lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.

    January 30, 2009 at 12:14 PM #339216
    CBad
    Participant

    I realize if you don’t have the details and the history on the situation, that my conditions may seem harsh. Trust me, there is a reason for every one of them. Don’t talk in metaphors though, just come out and say it. I’m a big girl and can take what I dish out.

    And I agree he probably needs healing. And I know I cannot force anyone to do anything.

    The easiest thing in the world would be for me to throw money at him and this has been done several times only to end up in the same situation. My form of help this time is teaching him to fish.

    lbjames, thanks for your comments. It will make ALL the difference in the world if I see progress. The time frame is a compromise between my husband and I. I would go longer but I put my husband and kids first and I do everything with my husband through compromise. I do not trust this person to babysit my kids though that would be a nice advantage. And if my house were larger and he was doing great in school/work/life, I would let him rent a room cheap after the time frame. We just do not have the room which is why this is a sacrifice.

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