OT – Feelings of Melancholy, Life Plans Going Forward

[temeculaguy]

Life is a process, a journey, pain and doubt are good because they remind us that we are alive.

I have little advice other than what you are experiencing are blessings as opposed to curses, you need not act on them just acknowledge them.

Mid life crisis gives way to apathy and acceptance, resist both but reasonable at the same time. We share some doubts but are miles apart on others, neither means anything, it’s just the journey, they are all different yet all the same.

Here’s how I dealt with my mid life crisis, perhaps my experience can help. A few months ago I allowed myself to fall in love, tonight I had some friends over over and I uncorked a decade old margeaux, tomorrow I take on a few work related demons. That’s it, no big secret, no huge changes, just run at it with a full head of steam and whatever happens, happens. Don;t worry about changing the world, just worry about your world, and never fret about your children pulling away from you, they are supposed to do that at some point, it is the way of things.

I found my Tao Te Chi that I had misplaced during my move a year and a half ago, go buy one yourself, it helps to feel happy about the disorder of things, even if you are catholic, a little Taosim never hurts.

[bearishgurl]

I can identify with your feelings, Cabal. I, too, was raised Catholic and can no longer find any useful meaning in practicing it.

I guess I went thru most of what you’re going thru a decade ago when I decided to shed a possession-oriented spouse, who “acquired” faster than I could earn. I feel fortunate to be on the other side of this “crisis” now, in every way.

Don’t worry about your kids. They will find their way. When they do, you can make your OWN life, in the way YOU desire.

Like you, I am not interested in “striving” anymore after watching three members of my immediate (original) family work themselves into an early grave, ignoring signs of trouble to stay “productive” and “working.”

I think most of the suggestions here are good, except I’d just like to add yoga and Pilates. And the ability to say “no,” when the request does not suit you. I’ve also studied the Tao te Ching which has opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at events and situations.

[bearishgurl]

I can identify with your feelings, Cabal. I, too, was raised Catholic and can no longer find any useful meaning in practicing it.

I guess I went thru most of what you’re going thru a decade ago when I decided to shed a possession-oriented spouse, who “acquired” faster than I could earn. I feel fortunate to be on the other side of this “crisis” now, in every way.

Don’t worry about your kids. They will find their way. When they do, you can make your OWN life, in the way YOU desire.

Like you, I am not interested in “striving” anymore after watching three members of my immediate (original) family work themselves into an early grave, ignoring signs of trouble to stay “productive” and “working.”

I think most of the suggestions here are good, except I’d just like to add yoga and Pilates. And the ability to say “no,” when the request does not suit you. I’ve also studied the Tao te Ching which has opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at events and situations.

[bearishgurl]

I can identify with your feelings, Cabal. I, too, was raised Catholic and can no longer find any useful meaning in practicing it.

I guess I went thru most of what you’re going thru a decade ago when I decided to shed a possession-oriented spouse, who “acquired” faster than I could earn. I feel fortunate to be on the other side of this “crisis” now, in every way.

Don’t worry about your kids. They will find their way. When they do, you can make your OWN life, in the way YOU desire.

Like you, I am not interested in “striving” anymore after watching three members of my immediate (original) family work themselves into an early grave, ignoring signs of trouble to stay “productive” and “working.”

I think most of the suggestions here are good, except I’d just like to add yoga and Pilates. And the ability to say “no,” when the request does not suit you. I’ve also studied the Tao te Ching which has opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at events and situations.

[bearishgurl]

I can identify with your feelings, Cabal. I, too, was raised Catholic and can no longer find any useful meaning in practicing it.

I guess I went thru most of what you’re going thru a decade ago when I decided to shed a possession-oriented spouse, who “acquired” faster than I could earn. I feel fortunate to be on the other side of this “crisis” now, in every way.

Don’t worry about your kids. They will find their way. When they do, you can make your OWN life, in the way YOU desire.

Like you, I am not interested in “striving” anymore after watching three members of my immediate (original) family work themselves into an early grave, ignoring signs of trouble to stay “productive” and “working.”

I think most of the suggestions here are good, except I’d just like to add yoga and Pilates. And the ability to say “no,” when the request does not suit you. I’ve also studied the Tao te Ching which has opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at events and situations.

[bearishgurl]

I can identify with your feelings, Cabal. I, too, was raised Catholic and can no longer find any useful meaning in practicing it.

I guess I went thru most of what you’re going thru a decade ago when I decided to shed a possession-oriented spouse, who “acquired” faster than I could earn. I feel fortunate to be on the other side of this “crisis” now, in every way.

Don’t worry about your kids. They will find their way. When they do, you can make your OWN life, in the way YOU desire.

Like you, I am not interested in “striving” anymore after watching three members of my immediate (original) family work themselves into an early grave, ignoring signs of trouble to stay “productive” and “working.”

I think most of the suggestions here are good, except I’d just like to add yoga and Pilates. And the ability to say “no,” when the request does not suit you. I’ve also studied the Tao te Ching which has opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at events and situations.

[citydweller]

I went through something very similar myself. I turned 50 last year and found that I was waking up every morning full of anxiety and fear. I began exploring spirituality and in the past 6 months have made great progress in achieving peace of mind.

I have started practicing meditation, 15 minutes every morning. I ordered CD’s from Amazon, Pema Chodron “How to Meditate”. I also ordered some of her other CD’s (Getting Unstuck) and listen to them as I fall asleep at night.

Other CD’s that have helped are Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”. Her basic message is, instead of striving to achieve what you think will make you happy, just be happy with what is.

One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.

[citydweller]

I went through something very similar myself. I turned 50 last year and found that I was waking up every morning full of anxiety and fear. I began exploring spirituality and in the past 6 months have made great progress in achieving peace of mind.

I have started practicing meditation, 15 minutes every morning. I ordered CD’s from Amazon, Pema Chodron “How to Meditate”. I also ordered some of her other CD’s (Getting Unstuck) and listen to them as I fall asleep at night.

Other CD’s that have helped are Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”. Her basic message is, instead of striving to achieve what you think will make you happy, just be happy with what is.

One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.

[citydweller]

I went through something very similar myself. I turned 50 last year and found that I was waking up every morning full of anxiety and fear. I began exploring spirituality and in the past 6 months have made great progress in achieving peace of mind.

I have started practicing meditation, 15 minutes every morning. I ordered CD’s from Amazon, Pema Chodron “How to Meditate”. I also ordered some of her other CD’s (Getting Unstuck) and listen to them as I fall asleep at night.

Other CD’s that have helped are Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”. Her basic message is, instead of striving to achieve what you think will make you happy, just be happy with what is.

One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.

[citydweller]

I went through something very similar myself. I turned 50 last year and found that I was waking up every morning full of anxiety and fear. I began exploring spirituality and in the past 6 months have made great progress in achieving peace of mind.

I have started practicing meditation, 15 minutes every morning. I ordered CD’s from Amazon, Pema Chodron “How to Meditate”. I also ordered some of her other CD’s (Getting Unstuck) and listen to them as I fall asleep at night.

Other CD’s that have helped are Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”. Her basic message is, instead of striving to achieve what you think will make you happy, just be happy with what is.

One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.

[citydweller]

I went through something very similar myself. I turned 50 last year and found that I was waking up every morning full of anxiety and fear. I began exploring spirituality and in the past 6 months have made great progress in achieving peace of mind.

I have started practicing meditation, 15 minutes every morning. I ordered CD’s from Amazon, Pema Chodron “How to Meditate”. I also ordered some of her other CD’s (Getting Unstuck) and listen to them as I fall asleep at night.

Other CD’s that have helped are Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”. Her basic message is, instead of striving to achieve what you think will make you happy, just be happy with what is.

One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.

[mydogsarelazy]

Hi Cabal,

Pema Chodron, mentioned by citydweller in the preceding post, is a fantastically wise writer. A great suggestion.

I am 52, and from your original post the comment that I really connected with was the one you made about friends:

“Most have drifted away due to life circumstances.”

There is something about the way we all live that really corrodes friendships. I have thought about it often.

Because there is such an emphasis on independence in our culture I find that many of my friends and I have ended up competing with each other rather than supporting each other. To be brief about it, many of my best friendships have just sort of dwindled down to almost nothing.

So here we are on the net being “friendly.” At least that is something…

Hope you are feeling better soon.

JS

[mydogsarelazy]

Hi Cabal,

Pema Chodron, mentioned by citydweller in the preceding post, is a fantastically wise writer. A great suggestion.

I am 52, and from your original post the comment that I really connected with was the one you made about friends:

“Most have drifted away due to life circumstances.”

There is something about the way we all live that really corrodes friendships. I have thought about it often.

Because there is such an emphasis on independence in our culture I find that many of my friends and I have ended up competing with each other rather than supporting each other. To be brief about it, many of my best friendships have just sort of dwindled down to almost nothing.

So here we are on the net being “friendly.” At least that is something…

Hope you are feeling better soon.

JS

[mydogsarelazy]

Hi Cabal,

Pema Chodron, mentioned by citydweller in the preceding post, is a fantastically wise writer. A great suggestion.

I am 52, and from your original post the comment that I really connected with was the one you made about friends:

“Most have drifted away due to life circumstances.”

There is something about the way we all live that really corrodes friendships. I have thought about it often.

Because there is such an emphasis on independence in our culture I find that many of my friends and I have ended up competing with each other rather than supporting each other. To be brief about it, many of my best friendships have just sort of dwindled down to almost nothing.

So here we are on the net being “friendly.” At least that is something…

Hope you are feeling better soon.

JS

[mydogsarelazy]

Hi Cabal,

Pema Chodron, mentioned by citydweller in the preceding post, is a fantastically wise writer. A great suggestion.

I am 52, and from your original post the comment that I really connected with was the one you made about friends:

“Most have drifted away due to life circumstances.”

There is something about the way we all live that really corrodes friendships. I have thought about it often.

Because there is such an emphasis on independence in our culture I find that many of my friends and I have ended up competing with each other rather than supporting each other. To be brief about it, many of my best friendships have just sort of dwindled down to almost nothing.

So here we are on the net being “friendly.” At least that is something…

Hope you are feeling better soon.

JS

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