Divorce corp

[NotCranky]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=FlyerInHi][quote=Blogstar] May as well not get married and instead carry on like a relationship/ opposite sex know-it-all on the Internet.[/quote]

Technology is changing things. Most people now meet on the Net so the social institutions such as church and even parents have less say in how young people interact.

Whereas porn was only playboy magazine before, it’s widely available online now. Not seen as “perverted” anymore. There is 3D porn so virtual sex could be the next tech advancement.

Marijuana is being legalized. Why not prostitution like in holland?[/quote]

I would prefer it was all legal. Not to say I recommend use, or especially dependency on any of it…but legal. Dependency might even be ok for some people. A healthy individual or social body will be healthy and sick one will be sick…kind of like a plant…a healthy plant in a healthy environment is less vulnerable to pests and disease. This stuff is self regulating here as it is in the Netherlands and crippling excess should be nothing more than a signal that something is wrong…making these things illegal hasn’t really done anything good.[/quote]

…or maybe the idea is to be dependent on porn and prostitutes AND be an Internet expert on relationships and the opposite sex?

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=spdrun]

The thought of being a stay at home dad makes me feel ill.
…
I would prefer to work though.

But why work 9-5 or 8-6? One couple I knew (actually my doctor back in the 80s) — wife was a pediatrician, husband was an architect by training, fixed houses, rented them, but mainly did his thing during the kids’ school hours and on weekends so he could also take care of the kids after they were done with school.[/quote]

Not a bad setup.

But I’m sure the architect makes enough money for his own spending. I doubt the wife would accept a husband who earns $0 while expecting a lifestyle that includes country club, spas and luxury cars.

I know only of one couple where the wife permanently provides all the income for the family. I can see a wife supporting her husband through school or during a period of unemployment. But I’ve yet to meet many women who work while the husbands stay home with the nanny.

If there were true sex equality, the stay at house spouse situation should be 50/50 male/female.

A fair question is if women don’t want househusbands, then why should men want housewives?

Also, would the doctor wife have married a high-school only grad?

[northparkbuyer]

My wife and I saw this in Poway on Monday January 13th. We were the only two people in the theater. In fact, they fired up the projector just for us — the only time I’ve ever gotten to watch a projectionist configure the DVD player’s settings on the big screen!

Great documentary. I lived through Family Court hell — my daughter and I barely came out the other side emotioanlly and financially intact.

BEWARE San Diego Supervising Judge Lorna Alksne. Shudder.

[spdrun]

Also, would the doctor wife have married a high-school only grad?

D/k about the doctor, but…

I know two couples: one of which is school administrator with a Ph. D. who married a carpenter who only finished HS. The other is an architect (hah, know quite a few of those) who married a roofer on one of her jobs. He didn’t even finish HS to the best of my knowledge. They’ve been together for at least 20 years.

[kev374]

I saw this documentary on the opening day and there were only 8 people in the theater which leads me to believe that most people do not want to face this uncomfortable topic…

people pre-marriage and in love don’t want to hear the possible realities of what could happen, of course they think they are the exception that will always be together so it’s irrelevant to them…

people currently married do not want to watch such things and attract bad karma to their situation

people who are divorced, well they have already gone through all of this and lived it so why bother rehashing all of it over again and remind them of all the terrible things

[scaredyclassic]

i shall watch it.

although i wasnt a SAHD, i was the primary goto guy for several years while my wife was a resident/intern for 2 boys, little ones, in day care. it was not so bad really, working and taking care of them, but then again, I am told I was a very casual, not great provider. I let diapers sag longer than the wife wouldve, fed them spaghetti by the tv as we all watched, rocked one to sleep witha toe on a rocky car set while he had a bottle in his mouth while the other was crashed out on my chest. I was lame. but it all turned out ok.

[kev374]

I think these days it would be wise to co-habitate but not marry. One can still have kids and live together without marriage.

Infact a friend of mine is doing just that, he has been with his partner for 8 years, has 2 children and they are not married.

They both maintain their finances separately and pitch in jointly for shared expenses… I guess it works out great for both of them as they seem very happy.

I think when people get married then expectations get very high and one side is always disappointed that they are not getting enough.

[CA renter]

[quote=6packscaredy]The psychic rewards to the SaHP seem like a form of some compensation. The worker may have paid with her soul to stay with her work while the “sacrificer” experienced numerous moments of transcendent bliss.[/quote]

The psychic reward to the income-earning spouse seem like a form of compensation, too. Some people really enjoy what they do for a living, and have had many moments of transcendent bliss. They get all the platitudes and social rewards (status, recognition for a job well done, etc.) that a SAHP does not. Does that mean the income-earning spouse should work for free?

[NotCranky]

I don’t want to go to any movies or read any books about divorce. I am too smart for all of that.

[joec]

I think one point that should be kept in mind is that there isn’t an answer for everyone. It really depends on the 2 people to see what will work out for them. Most of this is dependent on what they grew up with or what they “see” as good/acceptable, etc…Like some people split all bills, some people share, etc…

One thing I have sorta noticed is for both men and women who want to, but aren’t married after 40+, usually there is some issue with them and they may not even realize it. I saw it with guy co-workers who were too “greedy” or was too “worried” about their finances to not lose it all. Maybe they just haven’t met the one they are willing to take the chance on, but pretty common in guys I think if they make decent money…It’s certainly a concern, but it’s to the point of too worried to leap I see.

I could understand if you’re Zuckerberg and you’re a billionaire, but most people aren’t that well off.

All the generalizations of someone should ask for this, do that just doesn’t really make any sense for each individual couple since everyone views things with different importance.

Here’s an interesting read on women making more than men.
http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/features/n_9495/index1.html

Read the comments too. The problem with that situation is that society isn’t too kind towards this type of setup. Growing up, I think most guys never expected to be a SAHD or taken care of, but if that happens, society is extremely mean to the guy. Also, you rarely hear of guys telling a wife that she’s a “loser” for not making more money…Just not done really since that’s ingrained in our historical traditional view of the sexes.

Over the long term, I think more men will be sahd since it’s slowly getting more common and women, already make up the majority of college graduates and medical and many other graduate studies. Women will continue to advance in education since girls are generally better able to study/sit still, are less hyper, etc…than boys

In the old days, it was expected that you had to get married to get the sex…Now, that’s totally not the case so more men AND women will probably prefer to be single. There is still the thought of some that marriage is good for the kids and I agree with that too, but you already have people not married and together with kids.

To the parent who stayed together for the kids, I think you didn’t do what’s best for you (clearly), but you did what was best for your kids so that was a sacrifice you did to try to have a stable environment at home.

As strangely as it sounds, I want to watch some old episodes of Married with Children since I think a lot of it is actually relevant to married men. With kids, unless you plan to screw your family over, all the women out there are sorta a waste of time since there’s no point when you are a parent no matter how bad a marriage is.

That said, for divorced parents, other kids are mean and boys, especially without a dad (wife could get re-married and move) are in extremely high risk to end up in jail.

Girls, just guessing, will end up being porn stars…

I think if someone did a poll here, also a lot more people are divorced than people realize. I think at one of my old jobs, nearly ALL (maybe 75%) the other managers in my group were divorced in the past.

That was a long ramble…

[scaredyclassic]

I’m glad I was young and broke when I met my wife.

[scaredyclassic]

When I look at an attractive woman not my wife all I can think is good Lord what a pain in the ass she’d be or as Charles bukowski put it I’d rather drive from Los Angeles to Manhattan in reverse than start over with another woman.

[FlyerInHi]

[quote=6packscaredy]When I look at an attractive woman not my wife all I can think is good Lord what a pain in the ass she’d be or as Charles bukowski put it I’d rather drive from Los Angeles to Manhattan in reverse than start over with another woman.[/quote]

And you know that it is a pain in the ass because the first time was pain enough? You got the kinks worked out already that you don’t want to start over from the beginning.

Is this a process where the beginning is a pain and it gets better afterwards?

[FlyerInHi]

Joec, overall good commentary.

Me personally, I’m not worried about losing money in divorce because I could live on less., but I’m like why add another mouth to feed on my income?

Rationally thinking, if I get married, my lifestyle should be enhanced, not suffer. That’s generally what women expect so what’s good that goose is good for that gander.

You’re right that men who stay at home are easily labeled losers by friends and family. Seems unfair.

And I think yes, society is changing. Boys are smoking weed and are lazier these days. So future women will have to adapt. I’m all for equality. Let women have at it and hold more power and make money.

I think, eventually, we will be more like Europe and Japan where the fertility rate is low. Boys and girls will stay at home into their 30s and not be so interested in forming households of their own.

Also, seems like people who are not quite happy with their choices want affirmation and flattery in the form of imitation. Or it could be that misery loves company.

[CA renter]

[quote=6packscaredy]Short term alimony not so bad. Longterm Or lifetime alimony feels like it motivates ineptitude and victimhood.

Basically when you get Married you need a real heavy duty partner.

Anything less, skip it.[/quote]

Lots of SAHPs are real heavy duty partners. They do EVERYTHING around the house, and take care of all the family members’ needs in addition to raising well-behaved, responsible, successful children. Many times, they end up taking care of the children, grandchildren, and parents/in-laws over many years.

This is in no way equivalent to “not working,” and it should never be treated or referred to as such.

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