Affairs of the heart…

[CBad]

Just because he wants a pre-nup, doesn’t mean he’s loaded. He just wants to keep whatever he has. Sounds like he’s pretty stingy all around is my initial take. Also sounds like he’s has some history with women using him.

I haven’t dated in 12 years so I’m hardly an expert with being ‘out there’. When I was younger, I was more impressed with a ‘nice’ date or even what car I was picked up in. Now, I wouldn’t care because it’s all superficial. As long as I was enjoying myself on the date and connecting with the man, I wouldn’t care how much $$ was being thrown around.

I think you should have been more specific with your request since it doesn’t seem like you wanted anything unreasonable. He might have been put off by you saying ‘really nice date’ which could have meant to him that so far your dates have been ‘really NOT nice’. Why not just say, ‘I’d love it if we could go to XYZ’?

I guess I’m old-fashioned because I never paid $$ on a date. Well that’s not true, I did one time. I went to the movies with this guy and he wanted to go dutch. So I paid for my ticket and saw the movie I wanted to see without him, LOL!!

[davelj]

In my opinion, marriage is a bad idea in general. Kids are a worse idea. Marriage without a pre-nup is a horrific idea if you’re the party with the greater amount of assets. In general, marriage is a triumph of hope over observable experience. Having said that…

A man or woman that brings up a pre-nup out of nowhere prior to a serious discussion regarding marriage is extremely odd unless the subject of pre-nups came up independently on its own (like, “I read recently that so-and-so didn’t have a pre-nup…”). A guy that says “he doesn’t want someone hanging around for the money” is also odd, in my opinion. On the other hand, your comment that you “don’t give a blank about whatever money he has” is a lie (conscious or subconscious) 90% of the time it’s uttered.

I’ll spare you a long diatribe on evolutionary psychology but, put simply, a man’s ability to make money is a signal, albeit a somewhat flawed one, of his ability to protect and provide for a woman and (their future?) children. (The biggest problem here is that there is a difference between “ability” and “willingness.”) Twenty thousand years ago agility and brute strength were a man’s primary evolutionary advantage in attracting females. Today brute strength, looks, etc. definitely help, but IN GENERAL TERMS the most important trait in attracting females is, quite obviously, the ability to make money. (THIS IS NOT A GOOD OR BAD THING HOWEVER. It’s merely an evolutionary adaptation – it’s morally neutral.) The vast majority of women over the age of 25 subconsciously know this to be true whether or not they are willing to admit it to themselves.

So, to sum things up, in my opinion it seems like you two are made for each other. He’s pretending that he has enough wealth for it to matter whether or not a pre-nup is necessary, and you’re pretending to not care about the money he probably doesn’t have. But I’ve been wrong before.

[davelj]

In my opinion, marriage is a bad idea in general. Kids are a worse idea. Marriage without a pre-nup is a horrific idea if you’re the party with the greater amount of assets. In general, marriage is a triumph of hope over observable experience. Having said that…

A man or woman that brings up a pre-nup out of nowhere prior to a serious discussion regarding marriage is extremely odd unless the subject of pre-nups came up independently on its own (like, “I read recently that so-and-so didn’t have a pre-nup…”). A guy that says “he doesn’t want someone hanging around for the money” is also odd, in my opinion. On the other hand, your comment that you “don’t give a blank about whatever money he has” is a lie (conscious or subconscious) 90% of the time it’s uttered.

I’ll spare you a long diatribe on evolutionary psychology but, put simply, a man’s ability to make money is a signal, albeit a somewhat flawed one, of his ability to protect and provide for a woman and (their future?) children. (The biggest problem here is that there is a difference between “ability” and “willingness.”) Twenty thousand years ago agility and brute strength were a man’s primary evolutionary advantage in attracting females. Today brute strength, looks, etc. definitely help, but IN GENERAL TERMS the most important trait in attracting females is, quite obviously, the ability to make money. (THIS IS NOT A GOOD OR BAD THING HOWEVER. It’s merely an evolutionary adaptation – it’s morally neutral.) The vast majority of women over the age of 25 subconsciously know this to be true whether or not they are willing to admit it to themselves.

So, to sum things up, in my opinion it seems like you two are made for each other. He’s pretending that he has enough wealth for it to matter whether or not a pre-nup is necessary, and you’re pretending to not care about the money he probably doesn’t have. But I’ve been wrong before.

[davelj]

In my opinion, marriage is a bad idea in general. Kids are a worse idea. Marriage without a pre-nup is a horrific idea if you’re the party with the greater amount of assets. In general, marriage is a triumph of hope over observable experience. Having said that…

A man or woman that brings up a pre-nup out of nowhere prior to a serious discussion regarding marriage is extremely odd unless the subject of pre-nups came up independently on its own (like, “I read recently that so-and-so didn’t have a pre-nup…”). A guy that says “he doesn’t want someone hanging around for the money” is also odd, in my opinion. On the other hand, your comment that you “don’t give a blank about whatever money he has” is a lie (conscious or subconscious) 90% of the time it’s uttered.

I’ll spare you a long diatribe on evolutionary psychology but, put simply, a man’s ability to make money is a signal, albeit a somewhat flawed one, of his ability to protect and provide for a woman and (their future?) children. (The biggest problem here is that there is a difference between “ability” and “willingness.”) Twenty thousand years ago agility and brute strength were a man’s primary evolutionary advantage in attracting females. Today brute strength, looks, etc. definitely help, but IN GENERAL TERMS the most important trait in attracting females is, quite obviously, the ability to make money. (THIS IS NOT A GOOD OR BAD THING HOWEVER. It’s merely an evolutionary adaptation – it’s morally neutral.) The vast majority of women over the age of 25 subconsciously know this to be true whether or not they are willing to admit it to themselves.

So, to sum things up, in my opinion it seems like you two are made for each other. He’s pretending that he has enough wealth for it to matter whether or not a pre-nup is necessary, and you’re pretending to not care about the money he probably doesn’t have. But I’ve been wrong before.

[davelj]

In my opinion, marriage is a bad idea in general. Kids are a worse idea. Marriage without a pre-nup is a horrific idea if you’re the party with the greater amount of assets. In general, marriage is a triumph of hope over observable experience. Having said that…

A man or woman that brings up a pre-nup out of nowhere prior to a serious discussion regarding marriage is extremely odd unless the subject of pre-nups came up independently on its own (like, “I read recently that so-and-so didn’t have a pre-nup…”). A guy that says “he doesn’t want someone hanging around for the money” is also odd, in my opinion. On the other hand, your comment that you “don’t give a blank about whatever money he has” is a lie (conscious or subconscious) 90% of the time it’s uttered.

I’ll spare you a long diatribe on evolutionary psychology but, put simply, a man’s ability to make money is a signal, albeit a somewhat flawed one, of his ability to protect and provide for a woman and (their future?) children. (The biggest problem here is that there is a difference between “ability” and “willingness.”) Twenty thousand years ago agility and brute strength were a man’s primary evolutionary advantage in attracting females. Today brute strength, looks, etc. definitely help, but IN GENERAL TERMS the most important trait in attracting females is, quite obviously, the ability to make money. (THIS IS NOT A GOOD OR BAD THING HOWEVER. It’s merely an evolutionary adaptation – it’s morally neutral.) The vast majority of women over the age of 25 subconsciously know this to be true whether or not they are willing to admit it to themselves.

So, to sum things up, in my opinion it seems like you two are made for each other. He’s pretending that he has enough wealth for it to matter whether or not a pre-nup is necessary, and you’re pretending to not care about the money he probably doesn’t have. But I’ve been wrong before.

[davelj]

In my opinion, marriage is a bad idea in general. Kids are a worse idea. Marriage without a pre-nup is a horrific idea if you’re the party with the greater amount of assets. In general, marriage is a triumph of hope over observable experience. Having said that…

A man or woman that brings up a pre-nup out of nowhere prior to a serious discussion regarding marriage is extremely odd unless the subject of pre-nups came up independently on its own (like, “I read recently that so-and-so didn’t have a pre-nup…”). A guy that says “he doesn’t want someone hanging around for the money” is also odd, in my opinion. On the other hand, your comment that you “don’t give a blank about whatever money he has” is a lie (conscious or subconscious) 90% of the time it’s uttered.

I’ll spare you a long diatribe on evolutionary psychology but, put simply, a man’s ability to make money is a signal, albeit a somewhat flawed one, of his ability to protect and provide for a woman and (their future?) children. (The biggest problem here is that there is a difference between “ability” and “willingness.”) Twenty thousand years ago agility and brute strength were a man’s primary evolutionary advantage in attracting females. Today brute strength, looks, etc. definitely help, but IN GENERAL TERMS the most important trait in attracting females is, quite obviously, the ability to make money. (THIS IS NOT A GOOD OR BAD THING HOWEVER. It’s merely an evolutionary adaptation – it’s morally neutral.) The vast majority of women over the age of 25 subconsciously know this to be true whether or not they are willing to admit it to themselves.

So, to sum things up, in my opinion it seems like you two are made for each other. He’s pretending that he has enough wealth for it to matter whether or not a pre-nup is necessary, and you’re pretending to not care about the money he probably doesn’t have. But I’ve been wrong before.

[kev374]

I would not sign prenups and I do have assets of my own. But then again I wouldn’t marry anyone I couldn’t absolutely trust my life with so….

If you feel the need to sign a prenup then you’re not ready to get married to that person, just my $0.02.

Additionally, I don’t try to impress ANY woman. My regular self should be enough for her to like me otherwise it’s not worth it!

[kev374]

I would not sign prenups and I do have assets of my own. But then again I wouldn’t marry anyone I couldn’t absolutely trust my life with so….

If you feel the need to sign a prenup then you’re not ready to get married to that person, just my $0.02.

Additionally, I don’t try to impress ANY woman. My regular self should be enough for her to like me otherwise it’s not worth it!

[kev374]

I would not sign prenups and I do have assets of my own. But then again I wouldn’t marry anyone I couldn’t absolutely trust my life with so….

If you feel the need to sign a prenup then you’re not ready to get married to that person, just my $0.02.

Additionally, I don’t try to impress ANY woman. My regular self should be enough for her to like me otherwise it’s not worth it!

[kev374]

I would not sign prenups and I do have assets of my own. But then again I wouldn’t marry anyone I couldn’t absolutely trust my life with so….

If you feel the need to sign a prenup then you’re not ready to get married to that person, just my $0.02.

Additionally, I don’t try to impress ANY woman. My regular self should be enough for her to like me otherwise it’s not worth it!

[kev374]

I would not sign prenups and I do have assets of my own. But then again I wouldn’t marry anyone I couldn’t absolutely trust my life with so….

If you feel the need to sign a prenup then you’re not ready to get married to that person, just my $0.02.

Additionally, I don’t try to impress ANY woman. My regular self should be enough for her to like me otherwise it’s not worth it!

[XBoxBoy]

Marion,

Can I make a simple suggestion? Don’t worry about it at this stage. Don’t worry about the prenup, and don’t worry about a fancy date. But also don’t let yourself get too caught up with falling in love with him either. If you pressure him to take you on a nice date, then you won’t see the real him. Let him show what kind of guy he is on his own. Only after he’s done that, should you even start to think about stuff like prenups. 4 dates is way too soon to start wondering about finances and prenups.

XBoxBoy (Not one of the financially saavy, but oh well.)

[XBoxBoy]

Marion,

Can I make a simple suggestion? Don’t worry about it at this stage. Don’t worry about the prenup, and don’t worry about a fancy date. But also don’t let yourself get too caught up with falling in love with him either. If you pressure him to take you on a nice date, then you won’t see the real him. Let him show what kind of guy he is on his own. Only after he’s done that, should you even start to think about stuff like prenups. 4 dates is way too soon to start wondering about finances and prenups.

XBoxBoy (Not one of the financially saavy, but oh well.)

[XBoxBoy]

Marion,

Can I make a simple suggestion? Don’t worry about it at this stage. Don’t worry about the prenup, and don’t worry about a fancy date. But also don’t let yourself get too caught up with falling in love with him either. If you pressure him to take you on a nice date, then you won’t see the real him. Let him show what kind of guy he is on his own. Only after he’s done that, should you even start to think about stuff like prenups. 4 dates is way too soon to start wondering about finances and prenups.

XBoxBoy (Not one of the financially saavy, but oh well.)

[XBoxBoy]

Marion,

Can I make a simple suggestion? Don’t worry about it at this stage. Don’t worry about the prenup, and don’t worry about a fancy date. But also don’t let yourself get too caught up with falling in love with him either. If you pressure him to take you on a nice date, then you won’t see the real him. Let him show what kind of guy he is on his own. Only after he’s done that, should you even start to think about stuff like prenups. 4 dates is way too soon to start wondering about finances and prenups.

XBoxBoy (Not one of the financially saavy, but oh well.)

[Author]

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