Affairs of the heart…

[Anonymous]

Since most of the comments have been men, I’ll chime in with my two cents as a woman.

I think you have two separate issues: one – while you seem to enjoy his company, you haven’t been “impressed” by his choices of where and how to spend time with you. This could be as simple as a difference in styles. If this is important to you then I would suggest that you take the reins and plan the next date and pay for it. It will solidfy your claims that you are an independent woman and capable of paying for yourself and making your own decisions. Whatever his reaction to the choice of the date and your outlay of cash will tell you a lot about him, more than i think you are currently finding out wondering out loud on this board.

The other issue seems to be his seemingly abrupt, almost non-sequitur mentioning of a pre-nup. At some point you may want to discuss it with him, should you feel like the direction of relationship warrants it. After 4 dates, it is more likely a way to tell you has “money” And whether that is actually true or a sham only time will tell. I personally would ignore it….its a red herring right now.
In my experience the earlier a pre-nup is mentioned the less money there is.
You seem to be a very smart, capable and independent woman, time to take charge if you want to test the waters and see what he’s made of…
If you have lived at all you have suffered the damage of relational collisions – what you do with it defines your future. If I remember your story a little, then you are likely to be a little sensitive to a “stingy” guy and while he may be “stingy”, he could just be clueless.

[Anonymous]

FLU: “Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he’s doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn’t be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn’t necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn’t exactly take her to mcdonald’s either. And there are some people that are broken and aren’t going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.”

Yes, if you know what to look for and watch someone long enough, study the signs, let them talk, sooner or later it all comes out. Sooner or later in pieces. As to my part, I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. When he opens his mouth again, I’ll know more.

“Things do get interesting though. It’s not about the money. It’s about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn’t a big fan of it because they can’t drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say “I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone”. But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other “the hell with you, I’m deciding whatever I want and I don’t give a damn”. For that reason, it’s the same reason why I won’t go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn’t make big purchases without running it by me. It’s not the money alone, it’s the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.”

Just to comment on this, marriage is hard work,no doubt. Most times, it takes a lot more than love. Part of that is two people being more alike than different in fundamental ways. With that there’s a good chance of needs being met. I believe there has to be something about the person you’re with that “speaks” to you. If not, you end up with a roommate with a contract, a sex partner, and sometimes friend.

P.S. Allan, I do what I can.

🙂

[Anonymous]

FLU: “Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he’s doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn’t be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn’t necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn’t exactly take her to mcdonald’s either. And there are some people that are broken and aren’t going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.”

Yes, if you know what to look for and watch someone long enough, study the signs, let them talk, sooner or later it all comes out. Sooner or later in pieces. As to my part, I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. When he opens his mouth again, I’ll know more.

“Things do get interesting though. It’s not about the money. It’s about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn’t a big fan of it because they can’t drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say “I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone”. But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other “the hell with you, I’m deciding whatever I want and I don’t give a damn”. For that reason, it’s the same reason why I won’t go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn’t make big purchases without running it by me. It’s not the money alone, it’s the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.”

Just to comment on this, marriage is hard work,no doubt. Most times, it takes a lot more than love. Part of that is two people being more alike than different in fundamental ways. With that there’s a good chance of needs being met. I believe there has to be something about the person you’re with that “speaks” to you. If not, you end up with a roommate with a contract, a sex partner, and sometimes friend.

P.S. Allan, I do what I can.

🙂

[Anonymous]

FLU: “Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he’s doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn’t be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn’t necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn’t exactly take her to mcdonald’s either. And there are some people that are broken and aren’t going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.”

Yes, if you know what to look for and watch someone long enough, study the signs, let them talk, sooner or later it all comes out. Sooner or later in pieces. As to my part, I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. When he opens his mouth again, I’ll know more.

“Things do get interesting though. It’s not about the money. It’s about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn’t a big fan of it because they can’t drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say “I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone”. But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other “the hell with you, I’m deciding whatever I want and I don’t give a damn”. For that reason, it’s the same reason why I won’t go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn’t make big purchases without running it by me. It’s not the money alone, it’s the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.”

Just to comment on this, marriage is hard work,no doubt. Most times, it takes a lot more than love. Part of that is two people being more alike than different in fundamental ways. With that there’s a good chance of needs being met. I believe there has to be something about the person you’re with that “speaks” to you. If not, you end up with a roommate with a contract, a sex partner, and sometimes friend.

P.S. Allan, I do what I can.

🙂

[Anonymous]

FLU: “Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he’s doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn’t be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn’t necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn’t exactly take her to mcdonald’s either. And there are some people that are broken and aren’t going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.”

Yes, if you know what to look for and watch someone long enough, study the signs, let them talk, sooner or later it all comes out. Sooner or later in pieces. As to my part, I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. When he opens his mouth again, I’ll know more.

“Things do get interesting though. It’s not about the money. It’s about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn’t a big fan of it because they can’t drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say “I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone”. But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other “the hell with you, I’m deciding whatever I want and I don’t give a damn”. For that reason, it’s the same reason why I won’t go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn’t make big purchases without running it by me. It’s not the money alone, it’s the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.”

Just to comment on this, marriage is hard work,no doubt. Most times, it takes a lot more than love. Part of that is two people being more alike than different in fundamental ways. With that there’s a good chance of needs being met. I believe there has to be something about the person you’re with that “speaks” to you. If not, you end up with a roommate with a contract, a sex partner, and sometimes friend.

P.S. Allan, I do what I can.

🙂

[Anonymous]

FLU: “Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he’s doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn’t be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn’t necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn’t exactly take her to mcdonald’s either. And there are some people that are broken and aren’t going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.”

Yes, if you know what to look for and watch someone long enough, study the signs, let them talk, sooner or later it all comes out. Sooner or later in pieces. As to my part, I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. When he opens his mouth again, I’ll know more.

“Things do get interesting though. It’s not about the money. It’s about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn’t a big fan of it because they can’t drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say “I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone”. But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other “the hell with you, I’m deciding whatever I want and I don’t give a damn”. For that reason, it’s the same reason why I won’t go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn’t make big purchases without running it by me. It’s not the money alone, it’s the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.”

Just to comment on this, marriage is hard work,no doubt. Most times, it takes a lot more than love. Part of that is two people being more alike than different in fundamental ways. With that there’s a good chance of needs being met. I believe there has to be something about the person you’re with that “speaks” to you. If not, you end up with a roommate with a contract, a sex partner, and sometimes friend.

P.S. Allan, I do what I can.

🙂

[Anonymous]

If you have gone on four dates and still no sex, then your friend is clearly not a student of Leykis 101.

Regarding the pre-nup, the guy mentioning it after four dates is weird, pointless, bizarre, don’t know what else to say.

In general I am in favor of pre-nups but in reality they may not always be necessary unless you are very wealthy or have complex financial situations. California is a communinity property state and legally all assets accumulated prior to marriage are not community property. However, one sticky point for my is if you have significant wealth (from before marriage) earning significant capital gains during marriage. These gains could potentially be considered community property if you are actively managing these investments. This is one situation that I can think of where a pre-nup may be advisable.

[Anonymous]

If you have gone on four dates and still no sex, then your friend is clearly not a student of Leykis 101.

Regarding the pre-nup, the guy mentioning it after four dates is weird, pointless, bizarre, don’t know what else to say.

In general I am in favor of pre-nups but in reality they may not always be necessary unless you are very wealthy or have complex financial situations. California is a communinity property state and legally all assets accumulated prior to marriage are not community property. However, one sticky point for my is if you have significant wealth (from before marriage) earning significant capital gains during marriage. These gains could potentially be considered community property if you are actively managing these investments. This is one situation that I can think of where a pre-nup may be advisable.

[Anonymous]

If you have gone on four dates and still no sex, then your friend is clearly not a student of Leykis 101.

Regarding the pre-nup, the guy mentioning it after four dates is weird, pointless, bizarre, don’t know what else to say.

In general I am in favor of pre-nups but in reality they may not always be necessary unless you are very wealthy or have complex financial situations. California is a communinity property state and legally all assets accumulated prior to marriage are not community property. However, one sticky point for my is if you have significant wealth (from before marriage) earning significant capital gains during marriage. These gains could potentially be considered community property if you are actively managing these investments. This is one situation that I can think of where a pre-nup may be advisable.

[Anonymous]

If you have gone on four dates and still no sex, then your friend is clearly not a student of Leykis 101.

Regarding the pre-nup, the guy mentioning it after four dates is weird, pointless, bizarre, don’t know what else to say.

In general I am in favor of pre-nups but in reality they may not always be necessary unless you are very wealthy or have complex financial situations. California is a communinity property state and legally all assets accumulated prior to marriage are not community property. However, one sticky point for my is if you have significant wealth (from before marriage) earning significant capital gains during marriage. These gains could potentially be considered community property if you are actively managing these investments. This is one situation that I can think of where a pre-nup may be advisable.

[Anonymous]

If you have gone on four dates and still no sex, then your friend is clearly not a student of Leykis 101.

Regarding the pre-nup, the guy mentioning it after four dates is weird, pointless, bizarre, don’t know what else to say.

In general I am in favor of pre-nups but in reality they may not always be necessary unless you are very wealthy or have complex financial situations. California is a communinity property state and legally all assets accumulated prior to marriage are not community property. However, one sticky point for my is if you have significant wealth (from before marriage) earning significant capital gains during marriage. These gains could potentially be considered community property if you are actively managing these investments. This is one situation that I can think of where a pre-nup may be advisable.

[VoZangre]

Marion…

your argument is superficial and reveals far more about you than you would ever want to admit…

you and your man deserve each other…

[VoZangre]

Marion…

your argument is superficial and reveals far more about you than you would ever want to admit…

you and your man deserve each other…

[VoZangre]

Marion…

your argument is superficial and reveals far more about you than you would ever want to admit…

you and your man deserve each other…

[VoZangre]

Marion…

your argument is superficial and reveals far more about you than you would ever want to admit…

you and your man deserve each other…

[Author]

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