Affairs of the heart…

[Coronita]

Damn,

I miss all the fun. Why am I always the busiest when something like this is posted?

Anyway, your date seems to have been through a relationship that ended badly. He is probably in the "all women are bitches" phase. No offense. Actually, the fact that he's seeing you should be a complement because it means he probably thinks your attractive and interesting, and under normal circumstances would actually treat you pretty well. Unfortunately, he's probably not looking for a commitment in the short term and in fact probably will treat you like sh!t not so much because anything you say or do. But because you're just in the wrong time. What he probably needs in the long run is someone caring and considerate, but he doesn't seem ready to deal right now.

Regarding prenups. Prior to my wife and i getting married, I thought about prenups. In my experience, prenups are something a guy says firmly before hitched, but when it really comes down to it, it's easier said than done. In my particular case, it wasn't an issue because like i said before my wife and I were pretty much even financially and careerwise. In fact, in some point in time, she probably had more assets than me. If she had asked for a prenup herself, I wouldn't have really mind, because frankly I think what is mine before marriage is really mine and what is hers before marriage is really hers. In the long run, if things work out it doesn't really matter. And neither of us were really cheap to the other person.

 

Things do get interesting though. It's not about the money. It's about respect… For example, for awhile we argued about whether to let her parents move here permanently. I wasn't a big fan of it because they can't drive, get around, and felt it would be a huge burden in addition to a kid. She obviously wanted to be closer to her parents. Financially, there were times that I could tell she wanted to say "I can afford to buy my parents their own place damnit, so leave me alone". But I have to say she took the high road and understood that would leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth….that would lead to both of us saying to each other "the hell with you, I'm deciding whatever I want and I don't give a damn". For that reason, it's the same reason why I won't go spend money on a new car even if I could without running it by her, or she wouldn't make big purchases without running it by me. It's not the money alone, it's the acknowledgement of respect that you would listen and consider the others feelings.

Here lies your problem. Longer term…You need to figure out if the guy is doing what he's doing because he was burned and just trying to be careful, or is it just an excuse for him to treat you like sh!t. I mean money aside, there is a degree of respect, and there shouldn't be a price on that one way of the other. I wouldn't necessarily be taking dates out to 5 star restaurants, but I wouldn't exactly take her to mcdonald's either. And there are some people that are broken and aren't going to come around no matter how accomodating you try to be.

 

That said, 4 dates is hardly something to be falling for someone over right away. Personally, I was always impressed by girls that asked me out on a date and took me to a reasonable place. Or in the case of my wife, inviting herself over to my place after I relocated to the bay area after just meeting me 2 weeks prior at my going away party. Poor girl didn't realize then what a pain in the ass i can be at times .

Some advice, next time you date someone new, ask him how HE would feel about signing a prenup. That will get him interested, and don't tell him the details of what you do. That will be interesting.

 

 

[Anonymous]

dave: “I find this rich in irony considering your initial post. Consider this: Would any man – I repeat, any man – even consider posting anything in even the same galaxy as what you wrote in your initial post here? That’s a rhetorical question. ”

Where is the irony?? Ok, so me wanting him to take me on a nice date to gauge his true interest equates to me being after his money? Puleeze, dude!

It isn’t what this thread is about, so I won’t even argue your view of kids except to say that someone that doesn’t want to see kids running around is scary to me. No judgement of you, it’s just plain cold and scary. Kids are the best part of this world. Ok, done with that.

[Anonymous]

dave: “I find this rich in irony considering your initial post. Consider this: Would any man – I repeat, any man – even consider posting anything in even the same galaxy as what you wrote in your initial post here? That’s a rhetorical question. ”

Where is the irony?? Ok, so me wanting him to take me on a nice date to gauge his true interest equates to me being after his money? Puleeze, dude!

It isn’t what this thread is about, so I won’t even argue your view of kids except to say that someone that doesn’t want to see kids running around is scary to me. No judgement of you, it’s just plain cold and scary. Kids are the best part of this world. Ok, done with that.

[Anonymous]

dave: “I find this rich in irony considering your initial post. Consider this: Would any man – I repeat, any man – even consider posting anything in even the same galaxy as what you wrote in your initial post here? That’s a rhetorical question. ”

Where is the irony?? Ok, so me wanting him to take me on a nice date to gauge his true interest equates to me being after his money? Puleeze, dude!

It isn’t what this thread is about, so I won’t even argue your view of kids except to say that someone that doesn’t want to see kids running around is scary to me. No judgement of you, it’s just plain cold and scary. Kids are the best part of this world. Ok, done with that.

[Anonymous]

dave: “I find this rich in irony considering your initial post. Consider this: Would any man – I repeat, any man – even consider posting anything in even the same galaxy as what you wrote in your initial post here? That’s a rhetorical question. ”

Where is the irony?? Ok, so me wanting him to take me on a nice date to gauge his true interest equates to me being after his money? Puleeze, dude!

It isn’t what this thread is about, so I won’t even argue your view of kids except to say that someone that doesn’t want to see kids running around is scary to me. No judgement of you, it’s just plain cold and scary. Kids are the best part of this world. Ok, done with that.

[Anonymous]

dave: “I find this rich in irony considering your initial post. Consider this: Would any man – I repeat, any man – even consider posting anything in even the same galaxy as what you wrote in your initial post here? That’s a rhetorical question. ”

Where is the irony?? Ok, so me wanting him to take me on a nice date to gauge his true interest equates to me being after his money? Puleeze, dude!

It isn’t what this thread is about, so I won’t even argue your view of kids except to say that someone that doesn’t want to see kids running around is scary to me. No judgement of you, it’s just plain cold and scary. Kids are the best part of this world. Ok, done with that.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

marion: A sincere thanks for a very enjoyable posting! I know that sounds somewhat patronizing and condescending, and I do apologize as that is not my intent. Rather I have enjoyed the back and forth trememdously, as well as being able to watch some of the intellectual horsepower that this board boasts on full display.

It also makes me realize that “The Battle of the Sexes” remains as fiercely contested as ever with no end in sight.

I also find myself in the unenviable position of wanting to say something, but it appears that everyone else has already beaten me to the punch.

Arty: As an aside, if you owned the house on entering the marriage, it is yours. The State of California makes a very clear delineation between assets derived during the course of a marriage and those owned by the respective parties when they came in.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

marion: A sincere thanks for a very enjoyable posting! I know that sounds somewhat patronizing and condescending, and I do apologize as that is not my intent. Rather I have enjoyed the back and forth trememdously, as well as being able to watch some of the intellectual horsepower that this board boasts on full display.

It also makes me realize that “The Battle of the Sexes” remains as fiercely contested as ever with no end in sight.

I also find myself in the unenviable position of wanting to say something, but it appears that everyone else has already beaten me to the punch.

Arty: As an aside, if you owned the house on entering the marriage, it is yours. The State of California makes a very clear delineation between assets derived during the course of a marriage and those owned by the respective parties when they came in.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

marion: A sincere thanks for a very enjoyable posting! I know that sounds somewhat patronizing and condescending, and I do apologize as that is not my intent. Rather I have enjoyed the back and forth trememdously, as well as being able to watch some of the intellectual horsepower that this board boasts on full display.

It also makes me realize that “The Battle of the Sexes” remains as fiercely contested as ever with no end in sight.

I also find myself in the unenviable position of wanting to say something, but it appears that everyone else has already beaten me to the punch.

Arty: As an aside, if you owned the house on entering the marriage, it is yours. The State of California makes a very clear delineation between assets derived during the course of a marriage and those owned by the respective parties when they came in.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

marion: A sincere thanks for a very enjoyable posting! I know that sounds somewhat patronizing and condescending, and I do apologize as that is not my intent. Rather I have enjoyed the back and forth trememdously, as well as being able to watch some of the intellectual horsepower that this board boasts on full display.

It also makes me realize that “The Battle of the Sexes” remains as fiercely contested as ever with no end in sight.

I also find myself in the unenviable position of wanting to say something, but it appears that everyone else has already beaten me to the punch.

Arty: As an aside, if you owned the house on entering the marriage, it is yours. The State of California makes a very clear delineation between assets derived during the course of a marriage and those owned by the respective parties when they came in.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

marion: A sincere thanks for a very enjoyable posting! I know that sounds somewhat patronizing and condescending, and I do apologize as that is not my intent. Rather I have enjoyed the back and forth trememdously, as well as being able to watch some of the intellectual horsepower that this board boasts on full display.

It also makes me realize that “The Battle of the Sexes” remains as fiercely contested as ever with no end in sight.

I also find myself in the unenviable position of wanting to say something, but it appears that everyone else has already beaten me to the punch.

Arty: As an aside, if you owned the house on entering the marriage, it is yours. The State of California makes a very clear delineation between assets derived during the course of a marriage and those owned by the respective parties when they came in.

[Anonymous]

Since most of the comments have been men, I’ll chime in with my two cents as a woman.

I think you have two separate issues: one – while you seem to enjoy his company, you haven’t been “impressed” by his choices of where and how to spend time with you. This could be as simple as a difference in styles. If this is important to you then I would suggest that you take the reins and plan the next date and pay for it. It will solidfy your claims that you are an independent woman and capable of paying for yourself and making your own decisions. Whatever his reaction to the choice of the date and your outlay of cash will tell you a lot about him, more than i think you are currently finding out wondering out loud on this board.

The other issue seems to be his seemingly abrupt, almost non-sequitur mentioning of a pre-nup. At some point you may want to discuss it with him, should you feel like the direction of relationship warrants it. After 4 dates, it is more likely a way to tell you has “money” And whether that is actually true or a sham only time will tell. I personally would ignore it….its a red herring right now.
In my experience the earlier a pre-nup is mentioned the less money there is.
You seem to be a very smart, capable and independent woman, time to take charge if you want to test the waters and see what he’s made of…
If you have lived at all you have suffered the damage of relational collisions – what you do with it defines your future. If I remember your story a little, then you are likely to be a little sensitive to a “stingy” guy and while he may be “stingy”, he could just be clueless.

[Anonymous]

Since most of the comments have been men, I’ll chime in with my two cents as a woman.

I think you have two separate issues: one – while you seem to enjoy his company, you haven’t been “impressed” by his choices of where and how to spend time with you. This could be as simple as a difference in styles. If this is important to you then I would suggest that you take the reins and plan the next date and pay for it. It will solidfy your claims that you are an independent woman and capable of paying for yourself and making your own decisions. Whatever his reaction to the choice of the date and your outlay of cash will tell you a lot about him, more than i think you are currently finding out wondering out loud on this board.

The other issue seems to be his seemingly abrupt, almost non-sequitur mentioning of a pre-nup. At some point you may want to discuss it with him, should you feel like the direction of relationship warrants it. After 4 dates, it is more likely a way to tell you has “money” And whether that is actually true or a sham only time will tell. I personally would ignore it….its a red herring right now.
In my experience the earlier a pre-nup is mentioned the less money there is.
You seem to be a very smart, capable and independent woman, time to take charge if you want to test the waters and see what he’s made of…
If you have lived at all you have suffered the damage of relational collisions – what you do with it defines your future. If I remember your story a little, then you are likely to be a little sensitive to a “stingy” guy and while he may be “stingy”, he could just be clueless.

[Anonymous]

Since most of the comments have been men, I’ll chime in with my two cents as a woman.

I think you have two separate issues: one – while you seem to enjoy his company, you haven’t been “impressed” by his choices of where and how to spend time with you. This could be as simple as a difference in styles. If this is important to you then I would suggest that you take the reins and plan the next date and pay for it. It will solidfy your claims that you are an independent woman and capable of paying for yourself and making your own decisions. Whatever his reaction to the choice of the date and your outlay of cash will tell you a lot about him, more than i think you are currently finding out wondering out loud on this board.

The other issue seems to be his seemingly abrupt, almost non-sequitur mentioning of a pre-nup. At some point you may want to discuss it with him, should you feel like the direction of relationship warrants it. After 4 dates, it is more likely a way to tell you has “money” And whether that is actually true or a sham only time will tell. I personally would ignore it….its a red herring right now.
In my experience the earlier a pre-nup is mentioned the less money there is.
You seem to be a very smart, capable and independent woman, time to take charge if you want to test the waters and see what he’s made of…
If you have lived at all you have suffered the damage of relational collisions – what you do with it defines your future. If I remember your story a little, then you are likely to be a little sensitive to a “stingy” guy and while he may be “stingy”, he could just be clueless.

[Anonymous]

Since most of the comments have been men, I’ll chime in with my two cents as a woman.

I think you have two separate issues: one – while you seem to enjoy his company, you haven’t been “impressed” by his choices of where and how to spend time with you. This could be as simple as a difference in styles. If this is important to you then I would suggest that you take the reins and plan the next date and pay for it. It will solidfy your claims that you are an independent woman and capable of paying for yourself and making your own decisions. Whatever his reaction to the choice of the date and your outlay of cash will tell you a lot about him, more than i think you are currently finding out wondering out loud on this board.

The other issue seems to be his seemingly abrupt, almost non-sequitur mentioning of a pre-nup. At some point you may want to discuss it with him, should you feel like the direction of relationship warrants it. After 4 dates, it is more likely a way to tell you has “money” And whether that is actually true or a sham only time will tell. I personally would ignore it….its a red herring right now.
In my experience the earlier a pre-nup is mentioned the less money there is.
You seem to be a very smart, capable and independent woman, time to take charge if you want to test the waters and see what he’s made of…
If you have lived at all you have suffered the damage of relational collisions – what you do with it defines your future. If I remember your story a little, then you are likely to be a little sensitive to a “stingy” guy and while he may be “stingy”, he could just be clueless.

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