You’ve got to be kidding, Kev! After all the discussion in the other thread, one would think this should be an absolute no-brainer for you. NEVER marry someone for any reason other than your desperate desire to spend every day of the rest of your life with her. To do anything else will land you smack dab in the middle of that other thread.
And next time you start dating a woman, make clear before you have any kind of sexual contact with her what you expect from the relationship. It sounds like you might have been leading this girl on, based on what you’ve written here.
If you’re looking for something casual without any kind of long-term commitment, then say so. There are plenty of women out there who are perfectly comfortable with this. That way, you’re interests will be better aligned and you should be able to avoid situations like the one you’re describing here. No harm, no foul.
If, OTOH, you’re seriously thinking about getting married and are looking for “the right one,” then say that you’re not opposed to marriage, but are looking for the right person, and once you determine that the person you’re dating is NOT “the one,” break it up at that very moment. It is not your right to waste a woman’s most precious years when she is most likely to find her “right one.” That’s an opportunity cost that few women can afford.
Never string a person along with hints or suggestions that you want to marry her (without any intention of really doing so) just because you’re afraid of being alone or not finding something better. That is totally uncool. As Joe said above, it’s very rarely a matter of timing; more often than not, it’s not the right person. I’ve seen the most dedicated bachelors marry, usually in a surprisingly short time, when they’ve found the right person. You should be able to weed out the ones who are NOT right within the first 6-9 months. Cut it off at that point, and move on; it’s much more humane for everyone involved. If you meet the right one, I’m willing to bet you will know it within a year.
Let someone go as soon as you discover she’s definitely not the one with whom you want to spend **every day of every year for the rest of your life.** (Unless you’ve disclosed to her up front that you’re not looking for anything serious, of course.) And realize that looks will absolutely fade over time in every single case, and what you’re left with is the person’s character. Her personality and character will matter more than anything else in the long run. If there is one thing I have heard consistently from every single happily married couple of many decades, it’s that their spouse is their very best friend in the whole world, and it’s this intense and loyal friendship that makes the marriage happy and strong. Focus on this, and the rest will fall into place, IMHO. Marriage is for the long haul; choose wisely.
Be honest and forthright in everything you do WRT other people, and let them know exactly where you stand from day one. Demand the same from them. That way, if you’re really turned off by women who are looking to marry, you can weed them out on the first date (and they can weed out the ones who are afraid of marriage, as well).
