where does confidence come from? Does it just spring spontaneously from kind treatment by parents? No. It comes from a kid’s actual proven ability to successfully, independently navigate the real, unmonitored world, and to compete and belong. This is something I was sorely lacking in for many, many years, and just started to gather in small quantities in my forties…. Other men perceived me, correctly, as “weird”, or “off”, or maybe feminine or weak or overly intellectual. Probably just plain weird. What they were probably smelling was lack of confidence, lack of ability to talk to other men in a way they could recognize as self-assured. The crudity of the language is irrelevant. You are in for a lot of misery in this life if you expect the world to be or play nice, to be fair or to treat you gently. Acting in that way does not make it so. teaching your kid to always “act nice” is absurd advice for navigating reality. Toughen up, little guy! I also dispute that this is a “male” problem”. It takes two to tango. If women weren’t attracted to dominance, power and aggression, I’m confident you’d see less of it in men. When romantic heroes in romance novels are softspoken gentle bureaucrats with pale soft arms who treat people nicely and play fairly according to rules, perhaps you will see a shift in schoolyard behavior. Until then, grow a pair; jeez louise…..
