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Unfortunately/Fortunately, a lot of newer areas will have an HOA.
I see the problem as more of how condos just are. You need to share a lot of common areas which may not reflect what and how you’d want to live.
I’d never buy a condo, and I’d recommend trying to move up, if possible to a single family even if you don’t need the space.
Maybe a lot of people are aloof because they just rent and don’t care?