This is a pretty interesting post, mydogsarelazy.
Thoughs from one who was transplanted in San Diego 13 years ago:
I’m nearly 40, married, kids. The single friends/married friends thing is pretty rough. I don’t think the groups are very compatible, in general, especially when the married friends have kids.
Strange thing is – I have recently discovered a social group of single guys that I do things with regularly now. I have two lives – stuff with the family and stuff with the guys. It is definitely two different circles, though. Both work well, and the family definitely comes first. You just have to find that single guy circle, I think.
Right now, with your medical problems and divorce, your friends most likely just don’t know if you want them to get in touch. They wonder about you, for sure, but don’t know if getting in touch will be appreciated or appropriate.
Divorced people can be, depressed, confused, angry, annoying, hard to deal with. Add in medical problems and they might be concerned that if they get in touch, they either won’t like what they find, they won’t know how to deal with you, or most likely they will be intruding somehow where they don’t belong.
Definitely up to you to take that step. I hope you do it. You likely won’t reconnect with all your friends, but you will find one or two that are surprised and truly thrilled you are healthy and happy.
RE: FLAKY CALIFORNIANS.
OH, MY GOD! Are there alot of flakes around here. I remember my first few years here. Every friggin week someone would flake on me personally and professionally. Drives me crazy. I can smell flakes a mile away now and until I know someone is solid, I don’t put much faith in the reliability of strangers unless they need me to make a final payment. When you find people who show up when they say they will – don’t lose them.
I don’t think this is related to the fact that people are stretched thin financially. I think flakes are just flakes. They are unsettled, always feel they haven’t found what they are looking for and don’t understand the value of commitment. They are always looking for someting better than the great thing they have right in front of them. I know so many people like this here in SD.
Three thoughts for you:
1) Get in touch with those old friends. Tell them exactly what you told us: You’ve been through hell and are now coming out of it. It’s been a long time and you miss your old friends. If they are good friends, that will all make sense to everyone in about 5 seconds after you meet again.
2) Do stuff that you love with people you don’t know. I like to take classes. Sports or trade classes are great. Learn new things and meet people – soccer, tennis, welding, whatever. Just show up to class and meet people. Or compete in something you were once good at. I mean – jeez, there’s a club for everything now. Or join a team. Don’t wait to join with a friend. Just join by yourself.
3) You don’t have to hang out with married people all the time to be their friends. I have single friends that my wife and I do things with, but only when they have a girlfriend. Sometimes we won’t see them for months, but when they are looking for a double date, we’re in. So, keep those married people in your network, but understand you won’t do much together if you are single.
