[quote=Thibault]Great post scaredy, even though I have never smoked and I despise Le Monde.
When I first came here, my plan was never to stay in the US forever. I just got stuck in a situation I couldn’t get out of.
The first few years in San Diego were exciting. It was a period of discovery and fun: the nice weather, the beaches, the desert… everything was new to me.
Now I look back and ask myself: what did I do in the past 10 years? All I can see work. Long days at work. Nights at work, too many weekends at work. When I don’t work on the weekends, I just try to recover from exhaustion.
To me France is a real place. It’s the place where my family lives. It’s the place where all by best friends live. In 15 years in San Diego, I have never been invited once by my neighbors. I don’t even know them to tell you the truth. I can count on my 2 hands the number of times I was invited for a dinner by some friends. I might be wrong or out of touch but it’s almost like what is really missing here (and I don’t know if it’s specific to Southern CA) is the fact that most people are not interested in strong and long-lasting relationships. I feel like people don’t need to have friends. They do just fine by themselves. Human relation don’t motivate them that much.
It’s what I miss about France. Being able to sit at a table with a good friend and a nice bottle of wine and talk all night about anything.
It will be hard to convince my ex-wife to move back to France. But I can give it a try.[/quote]
Homesickness is a horrible thing, but what you might be experiencing is a longing for all the freedom and enjoyment of youth…and the feeling that life is so full of opportunities and possibilities.
I was born and raised in Los Angeles and while it’s not far from here, I miss it so very much. When I visit (which is fairly frequently), my friends who’ve stayed there tell me things are not like they used to be. In my mind, all of my friends from youth are hiking, dancing, and having fun — just like we used to do — while I sit at home here in SD in a “boring, sterile suburb.” But it’s not true. They are sitting in their homes now, too, because that is the stage of life we are all in right now.
In other words, France will have changed, even Paris, since you’ve lived there. Your friends will be older, many will be married with kids, and this tends to keep people in their houses instead of out and about in society. This is probably why places like Carmel Valley are so sterile. It’s mostly families who are in the middle of their child-rearing and peak working years. There is simply not enough time to live like people do when they are young and free to do whatever they like, whenever they like.
One thing I think is different for you is that you are divorced and have your child only half of the time. This puts you in that in-between stage, where you have some of the freedoms of youth (you’re single and have time to go out), yet you still have some of the obligations of people who are married with children (you’re obliged to be there for your child, and can’t do whatever you want because you have a commitment there). It’s like you live half of your time in one life, and half of your time in another. It’s probably not easy to adjust to this.
Other posters have presented some good ideas, though. Carmel Valley is probably not the place to be when you are single, so that’s one strike against you. I like spdrun’s idea of renting out the CV home and renting a small apartment or house in a more working-class neighborhood that is more active and full of single people. It’s certainly worth a try. If that doesn’t work, I like the idea of trying to convince your ex to move to France, though that probably wouldn’t be easy.
In the meantime, keep thinking about things you could do professionally that would enable you to move to France, at least for part of the year.
And I agree with you 100% about France (Europeans, in general) and their philosophy about working to live, instead of living to work. Not so sure we’re in any better position in the U.S. because of this mentality, though it’s certainly made a handful of powerful people at the top very, very rich.
