[quote=temeculaguy]I feel I should chime in but I am not sure where to start. Is the problem meeting women or meeting the right women? The problem isn’t about being nice or dominant or funny, it’s about the criteria itself.
I’ve been away for a bit, so you can all tolerate a lengthy post, here goes. Don’t try and analyze why women seek what they seek, just realize they all have a dash of crazy in them, that’s why we love them. Find a tolerable amount of crazy, ignore your criteria and throw away the charts and graphs, this is one part of your life where have to trust your gut.
Criteria works for everything but a mate, pick one or two things that are important and shitcan the rest of the list. Let’s use me as an example, I have some attributes and some drawbacks, but I never fail to meet or charm most womenfolk, yet I find it rare that I become inspired by a woman. Where I have failed is making lists like you are now doing, the ironic thing is, when you find the one that fits your criteria, you will also find something is missing that you cannot identify, what looks good on paper rarely works in reality. Trust me, I’ve travelled that road, the ones that will keep you awake at night and doing things out of character won’t fit on your list, it’s not car shopping. Everything else requires you to supress your emotions, this requires you tap into them.
We can teach you how to meet women, but we can’t teach you how to become entranced by one. I’ll be willing to bet that the one that entrances you will meet less that 75% of your criteria, that’s the world’s little joke, perfect rarely is perfect for you, there is beauty in imperfection. Want to find a woman who thinks you are the most handsome man in the world when you really aren’t, you are going to have to look for the women you think is the most beautiful woman in the world when she really isn’t.
So let’s take you through the Tg checklist, you only get to make a few picks, the rest has to be left open, wide open.
Body- Be honest, if you are staring at a porn website, which category do you click on first. If you click on the gals with a little extra junk in the truck, the one’s with bolt-ons, the skinny ones, the thick ones, the cougars, whatever it is, just do a self assessment and realize that you are turned on by something, be honest about it. If you get caught, blame me, tell them it was homework.
Mind- Pedigree’s be damned, forget about her education, what kind of mind turns you on and makes you want to spend time talking to, not the ones you are hitting on but the married ones that are your friends that you enjoy the company of. At a party, who do you spend too much time with, what kind of mind does she have, identify it and be honest about it. Do you like the simple ones, the sarcastic ones, the ecclectic, the spiritual, the conservative, pick your type and be honest. This isnlt about who you would like to work with, what kind of a mind makes you want to take your clothes off.
Life- This is the most worthless category, if she has kids, is divorced, has bad credit, what type of job, what her past includes, does she have all her limbs, where she lives and with who, her race or cultural experiences. This whole category sucks, I say ignore it. Not one thing cannot be dealt with, sometimes adversity is a blessing.
Be smart, protect yourself, get a prenup, don’t marry them, whatever floats your boat but be honest and do what makes you not worry. For god’s sake, do not ignore a women that does not fit your criteria, because the universe will hide your perfect women behind the curtain of circumstance or attribute and it’s your job to see through it.
Or you can keep making your lists and weeding out potential mates for a variety fo reasons but don’t come complaining when it blows up in your face. When you are ready to look past the stuff on the surface, it will happen.[/quote]
You always have awesome posts, TG, including this one. Still, there are some people who need lists, and who really can pick exceptional “checklist” mates.
What you’ve said is excellent if one’s just looking for a fling or a casual relationship, but marriage is altogether different (IMHO). Whether or not someone has kids, is divorced, has a different religion or culture, bad credit (yikes!), etc. can materially affect a marriage.
When I was single, I never dated someone with kids. Not because I didn’t like kids (I love them!), but because I knew that he would be torn between his “new” family and his “old” family, and that I would have to be very tolerant of another (ex)wife whose schedules, child-rearing philosophies, finances, temperament, etc. would affect my daily life. Also, there are financial considerations that pertain to divorced/with kids (alimony, child support, college, weddings, etc.) that one doesn’t have to deal with when dating someone totally unattached. Now that I have my share of baggage, if anything were to ever happen to Mr. CAR (God forbid), I would only date men with “baggage” because they could better understand my priorities and perspectives.
Again, this is just me, and everybody is different, but we all need to be honest about what our expectations and priorities are in a relationship. For some people marriage, kids, bad credit, work ethic, criminal history, etc. are a non-issue; but for others it’s a really big deal because these things will absolutely impact the relationship in the future.
