[quote=Russell]
I think an interesting question to anyone who was ever married at least once, would be, Whether or not you married the wrong person do you wish you never had gotten married to anyone? If you had it to do again would you probably marry or at least form a bond that seemed unbreakable for a period of time, or never marry or form that bond? I think most would say they would probably marry. Not sure, but I think most divoriced people do marry again. Does that mean that as awful as it can be, it is better than the alternative for most mortals? Maybe feeling joined at the hip and haveing sex has as more value in human experience(peak experience?) then having just the sex. Was anything really memorable or ‘peak” about the “flings” or will it be the next time? Maybe for some people. I think ladder theory would say not, because if it were that easy to be casual the person was not that high up your ladder. In other words if you haven’t been in a commited relationship IE something like marriage than you are on the lower rungs.[/quote]
These are good questions. I think that most humans suffer from “The Grass is Always Greener” syndrome – for lack of a better way of putting it. It’s just part of human nature and, to some extent, why we have advanced so far as a species. We don’t like to accept things as they are. But clearly it’s a double-edged sword.
Intellectually I understand that there are great things about marriage and kids. People aren’t completely nuts – marriage and kids wouldn’t be so popular if there weren’t tangible benefits to each. The issue is what you have to give up to get these benefits and that’s where people diverge in their outlooks. Personally, I’ve always been quite content living the single life. 50 years ago, I’d probably be married with kids and partially miserable based on my internal wiring. But social pressures would likely have worn me down back in those days. Today, the social pressure to get married and have kids is greatly reduced, particularly in large, cosmopolitan cities. So, it’s much easier for me (and others) to take a pass. Also, frankly, attitudes about sex, etc. are far more liberal today, again making it easier to remain single.
I think a lot of people reach a point in their lives where they feel “something is missing,” and marriage is their attempt at a solution. Then after marriage, having children is the solution after “something is STILL missing.” And then when they find that they are STILL not happy after marriage and kids – although certainly certain aspects of marriage and kids have produced some happiness units – they sit back and say, “Shit, I’d like to be single again,” and the process repeats itself.
It’s a cliche, but the only thing that can really make anyone happy is themselves – inner contentment. As soon as you start looking outside yourself for “solutions” to contentment issues (re: spouse, kids, etc.), you start down a very murky path.
