There are actually so many factors that are personal to you in making that decision, that I hesitate to recomend any one place over another. If you really love off-road racing, rodeos, etc. then Santee/Lakeside is your thing. Where you work can have a huge impact on where you want to “sanely” live here. I personally love some of the small homes in Hillcrest north of Adams Ave, but from where my wife and I live, it would just be horrible traffic every day (both ways), so its charm could never overcome that reality. Plus, there are better schools around that I’d like our son to attend, so for me and my family (despite loving the unique homes and interesting area) it just doesn’t work.
There are many other examples of issues you need to consider, but I’d honestly suggest making a list of all the major needs/desires you have for your family and put together a small scoring system for each; weighing the most important factors the most and then getting as many of the other things in as possible. San Diego has so many awesome communities to choose from, that there is no way I could personally recommend just one (or three!). Carlsbad/Encinitas are excellent choices for many reasons, but if you work downtown, it will be quite a difficult commute every day and could be a major factor against those areas.
Anyway, if you really want good advice on San Diego areas, feel free to provide more information about your situation and likes/dislikes and you will no doubt get many great ideas from people on this board that are directly relevant to your needs.
