Personally I despise squabbling. Due to early family dynamics. Makes me profoundly uncomfortable. Perhaps I intuited an instability in the home just below the surface of large proportions and therefore found squabbling intolerable, as if family devastation could occur over petty disagreement.
I was ok with meaty conflict, bigger issues, which counterintuitively seemed less threatening, like it would necessarily be a straw that broke the camels back, not an anvil…but ugh, just not personal squabbling, or to see people irritated. And pecking at one another. It terrifies me.
I guess I saw it as my job as a kid to keep the peace in the home, to divert with humor or by creating my own problems as a means to distract. To be a peacemaker. This would somehow ensure my survival I think I believed. In school, teasing, meanness, so scary…
Why did I think this? Was it all in my head? And look how this fear has haunted me my whole frightened life, through my marriage, my career…what is that cat scared of, really?
I still have so much to work on.
Past performance does not predict future results.
But The system is rigged to crush excessive bearishness.
One should never be too sure about anything. I hate Texas. SD isn’t that great either. Most places aren’t really that wonderful or bad. Things are pretty much what you make of them.
It’s difficult not to think things would be better if one had more.
