Ok, here is my perspective on marriage. I’d like to get married again because when my boys,11 and 15, are in college and then in their own careers and living on their own, I’d like someone to share my bed, home and life with. Here’s the thing though, the problem with me getting married right now is the likelihood that it would interfere with how I live my life with my children.
For instance, from time to time, my 11 year old will wake up in the middle of the night, look at me with his sleepy, beautiful brown eyes and say, “Mommy, I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in your bed?” My heart just melts and I say, “yes, come on, baby”. Now, I can’t have a man interfering with that. On Saturday nights that my boys are with me and not their father, it’s often movie night-when they’re not spending the nights at their friends’ houses, which is happening more and more often. On movies nights, we all jump on the couch, a blanket on the floor, or in my bed and watch movies and eat popcorn. That’s not going to change either.
It’s different when a man is not the father of your children. He doesn’t have the same feelings and he will likely see something like my above scenario as a irritation. OTOH, if the man is the child’s father it will be much less of an irritation because it’s his own child. That is the only reason I didn’t want to see my marriage end, even though I detested their father.
If I’m in a long-term relationship with a man and my kids and his kids leave home, marriage needs to be an option for us, or I can’t intertain that relationship. I think it will be hard to get used to living with a person. I need my space, he needs his and I don’t want someone always hanging on me. If you love the person though, it’s probably worth the effort of trying.
Another thing is, and I’ve talked about this before, I don’t want my residence put at risk if there is a divorce. To that end, if I and the guy I love decide to marry we will have to have agreements that the houses we bought before we married each other is off limits. If I had it before I married you and independent of you, It’s MINE. The man is getting NONE of it. If there is the unfortunate situation of a divorce, I’m going back to live in it.
