Off topic – don’t read this if you expect housing stuff. This is definitely off topic.
Life’s not perfect here either. My kids don’t pick up after themselves, and my #3 kids has really proven that people are born with their own souls. He has been harder to mold.
I learned the most from the Active Parenting classes (based on the behavioral psychology work of Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs in the 1960s) and Montessori schools.
Dr. Montessori found in her research that kids get satisfaction by meaningful contributions and working with their hands, so the 2-yr-olds make their own snacks, wash dishes, sweep up, and an art lesson’s time is half split between setting up and cleaning up as it is about the art project. The classroom is a house for a miniature person, with everything child sized. Even the mops and brooms are tiny, it’s just so cute.
I was very influenced by Dr. Montessori, so my kids started cleaning the bathroom and using kitchen knives and cooking on the stove at age 2. No play kitchen, no play tools, because they are capable of using the real tools if you show them how, and this makes them empowered and important.
My biggest problem is getting them to pick up after themselves. Kids don’t really care about how clean the house is, so it’s a constant battle.
It’s very important to give them attention, because positive attention prevents bad behavior. If kids are ignored, they seek attention by bad behavior, such as whining, manipulating, acting out, backtalking, balking at your requests, and not caring if they please you. So some back rubs, driving them places, talking with them, playing games, making their lunches instead of asking them to make their own, the same little touches you give your spouse, that keeps everything flowing well. And firm discpline, and a lot of “no, you can’t have that” and responsibility, and an allowance (10% to charity, 10% to savings) to learn financial management. My teen daughter is a clothes hound, but she has to live within her means with her clothing allowance, which I started when she was in 5th grade. She has strict rules about the length of her skirts, no stomach showing, no cleavage, etc. So within those rules, she can buy what she wants. I cringe that she chooses one $150 sweater over five $30 sweaters, but I allow it, I don’t say anything; it’s her money and she has to learn to manage her budget. My daughter looks like a model, she is very pretty, but she is not allowed to flaunt her body. She dresses like a proper young lady, and once she hit middle school, I threw out all my mini skirts so I could be good role model for her.
My kids were instructed into Transcendental Meditation at an early age: age 5 for the children’s mantra, and age 10 for the adult sitting technique. They are sort of regular about it, and my teens love their church youth group activities. Being kids, they don’t like to meditate everyday…
I don’t mean to be a know-it-all. Everyting I say I learned from Dreikurs and Montessori, and it really works. Dreikurs has some really good books: The Challenge of Childhood, and my favorite, The Challenge of Marriage. Marriage is definitely more of a challenge. The euphoria of the first two years wears off, and while kids are cute and adorable and you fall in love with them constantly, staying in love with a spouse is more difficult. I have a great husband, very good-looking and smart and nice, but nonetheless, anybody here with tips on staying in love with the spouse, would be appreciated.
In the spirit of being open, I want to tell you all it is difficult for us to make ends meet in San Diego. I wonder what kind of retirement we will have. How long will my husband have to keep working? If I work now, what will happen with the kids after school? I will not leave them alone, I would rather move back to Omaha and live in a 1 bedroom apartment before I would abandon my kids for a paycheck. But these real choices are here before me every day.
It is very expensive to live here, and although my husband earns above the pay scale for his profession, so that even a promotion to another bigger company would bring a pay cut and copay insurance costs which we don’t have now, his good paycheck is still not quite enough to make it easy to live here. I keep telling my husband that I am willing to leave San Diego and downsize, but he will not leave here. He loves the weather and the beach. He doesn’t mind the sunshine tax, I guess. I am willing to leave though.
Are we going to end up like those people in the Frontline retirement video, who keep working after retirement? We are now in our early and late 40’s, and discussing what kind of life we will have at retirement. We have saved for over 20 years, since our first jobs, into the 401Ks, and we didn’t lose more than $2K during the tech stock crash, but we certainly don’t have enough to consider retiring. It is worrisome. The article I posted today made me realize this is a problem for many people, not just for us.
The money we made from the house give me some security, but we need to use that to buy another house. I think the future is very uncertain, and some uncertainties at my husband’s company add to the mix. If he changes jobs, or careers, his pay will certainly be cut in half. Our life would really change then. No more packing blueberries, raspberries, in the shopping cart without ever checking the price…those days would be gone.
Our best financial times were in Phoenix, right before we moved here. Like now, no car payments, but a very cheap mortgage: $1500/mo PITI on a 15 year mortgage, socking away money for retirement. The kids were younger and less expensive then. They ate less, too. Gas was cheap back in 1999.
Our only hope is that I jump start a career after the kids are in college, and we really sock away the money. I have seen many women make that kind of move, even women without college degrees.
My concerns are nothing compared to the tens of millions of Americans out of work, underemployed, or worried about keeping their homes. I am grateful that today, we are still okay.
