[quote=njtosd][quote=scaredyclassic]no. its the word. it gives me the Willies
my parents deeply distrusted all Christians. they assumed everyone was antisemitic.
back in the old days they were often correct.
times changed. now people just hate Arabs.
but I still bristle at Jesus, remnant of my early programming that the Christians want us gone…over the long arc of Jewish history, it was a good bet to assume Christians wanted you dead. I’ll never be deprogrammed, its too late. i could never say the word jesus without choking on it
can’t trust em…I guess when I hear the word jesus, i hear in the subtext, trained from birth…” let’s go beat the shit out of some jews”.
brrrr. Jesus.[/quote]
Hmm. Earlier you mentioned feeling pressured and/or fearing a scam. This sounds different.[/quote]
different? or maybe deeper.
church in the usa seems scammy, either fund or soul raising. always sense you’re gonna get hit up for money or pressured to get dunked in water once church is mentioned.
I appreciate Catholic Church when I go, at least they try to shame you directly in front of peers by putting the basket right in your face so you cannot ignore the shakedown
or maybe the scam is the big guy himself, a nutty jewish ex construction worker entrepreneur who failed to profit but built from scratch a hugely prophetable longterm franchise type opportunity for smooth talking preachers to talk about his Good News [tm] for centuries
the pressure is i guess the feeling you get from christians,that it would be so awesome if i just accepted JC as my personal lordnsavior. they’d get a win by collecting a fresh soul, id win by getting to spend eternity not in hell, and presumably id donate some scratch to the cause.
my mom would have to kill self tho.
so yeah, I get a nervous feeling around the whole idea of jesus, but maybe that’s just a,cover for what’s going on deeper in the brain. a surface reaction to a deeper hardwired impulse.
that’s the superficial stuff.
deeper, i instinctively feel people who like Jesus’ ancestors wouldve had fun killing my ancestors.
submit and convert or die, has, historically, often been the deal. I don’t blame Christians, obviously all humans,say one thing and do another. nobody really believed the love thy neighbor crap wasn’t riddled with enough loopholes to swallow the rule
I feel safe now, for the moment, but old fears linger in the DNA
