i would really like to have 11 grandchildren. thatd be 3.7 per kid. tough goal to meet. ill take whatever i get.
a high yield seems to increase the odds one would really like me. of course with big numbers, one will have real problems too.
my mom has 5, but only my little one age 16 not so little calls her regularly and talks to her, like an hour a week. not sure why they connect, but…hes a sweetie
my wifes folks have 12!
2 of them go to church with them every sun, and they are all old…
like ltc, its all risky.
dementia, seems like a nobrainer to killself, but hard to find my gun
weak body, hard to get the nerve up to killself, also hard to go get my gun.
theres a lot to be said for going out like my dad. was playing paddleball all morning, felt great, lay down to read a bridge magazine, died of a massive heart attack. go out on top .
right now i honestly feel better than i ever have in my life. no meds. sleep great. not even that stressed out, by scaredy standards. for normal people, youd probably be running out the door 4 emergency xanax rx.
but this goodness cant last
my mom gave me the ancient chess set my grampa played with me every single time i went to his place. so old. theres a spool for a lost rook, i recall handling that, 50 years ago. i remember the box
did he paint the spool black or my gramma. whered he lose the rook, their apt was so empty and spare, minimalist before minimslist was cool…poor, i guess? couldnt have lost it there. there was barely anything there.
i wonder if he got really upset over the lost rook, like i wouldve.
honestly i doubt it. he was a super chill bro, tall, very sharp dresser, always cool and funny.
but maybe he lost the rook in younger days when every piece mattered? or he had more crap. he had a thriving business, lost in the depression, played it safe and minimal after that
i dont know… grampa really liked me.
we flew kites a lot and fed pigeons. he had rooftop pigeons when he was younger and knew how to handle even wild pigeons. was graceful
we slept over a lot but i cannot recall at all where? the floor? no idea. but i remember the chess set and the spool like it was yesterday
he only had 2 grandkids, but me and my brother were extremely high quality… at least thats how he made me feel ..plus we only lived 3 blocks away, visited a lot.
i recall feeling he was always slightly amazed and perplexed by us, always impressed by our being, a constant surprise and delight. im not exaggerating. he was never for a minute irritated or bored by us
when i was in my 20s i remember really wanting a son. i would imagine him sitting on the couch with me. i was single. no girlfriend. kind of undateable…just a few years later, it felt like id almost willed the boys i raised into existence by dreaming about him. silly. but it does have a magical feel about it, that you think of a child and he appears. where theres a will, there’s a way…
i can kind of see unborn grandchildren out there, countless potential humans waiting in a dark space, each intrigued by the possibility of their existence, but also happpy to be pure potential, waiting for the chance to be born, to win the lottery and play chess with me. sad in a way that thats 1st prize, but, theres free room and board too.
im pretty sure they will like me
my poor grampa had a rough decline. tough to ponder. i was a disengaged teen. my mom was so helpful
now i miss my grampa and im crying and i need to go to work
