I know kids who are rude little monsters despite their parents.
2 other kids I know are the best, fun, smart, almost adults. Not a lot of parenting. Mom is a single mom sorta like hippie type mom who’s a liberal arts professor. They were poor. The kids grew up in apartments when mom was a grad student, writing her thesis, etc…
Dad is a nice guy but lives on the other side of the country. A photographer.[/quote]
Dang, I’m going to have to agree with Brian on this one. Scaredy, from the sound of it (your posts in other threads about your family/parenting), you are a great father. Part of the reason you’re a great father is your DNA. And some, probably a lot, maybe most of why (in my opinion) your kids are great is their DNA. With minimal parenting, they probably would’ve been very solid kids. Maybe your great parenting moved them past that into great kids. But maybe (almost certainly, if you ask me), if you adopted some kid with lousy DNA, you would’ve had vastly different results.
Identical twins raised apart are generally amazingly similar in personality. Adopted siblings with no shared DNA are generally markedly different. So many important personality traits have a genetic composition. You’re not necessarily exactly who you’re going to be when you’re born. But I don’t think you’ll be led by your parents too far from where your genes will naturally take you.
Now, if you beat or abuse your kids, that might be different. But, short of that, I think genetics will determine your personality (traits like confident, poised, deeply thoughtful, really good at self control,even as teenagers very attuned to others, capable of powerful connections with others) more than upbringing.
I don’t think this takes anything away from your parenting, scaredy. Your kids probably had a somewhat happier childhood than they would’ve with an ordinary parent. And that counts for a lot. It will probably will make them happier as adults. But I don’t think it’ll change their personality much.
Either way, whether it’s you or your genes that made them the way they are, your kids are very lucky.
