4) stay in SD and commute to OC for the time being (and if so, for how long?).
I think I am the most qualified to answer this question.
I am commuting from Carmel Valley (Carmel Vista Rd. and Carmel Center Dr.) to Orange County (Garden Grove)to work. The drive is 80 miles one way. Shorter if your husband works in South Orange County. My work schedule is 6:30AM to 3:30PM. I leave my apartment at 5:10AM and get home at 5-5:15PM. My boss allows me this special work schedule because they need me. I drive 3 days a week. Staying at my sister’s house in OC on Wednesday nights and work from home on Fridays.
If your husband has to drive 5 days a week, then I don’t recommend it. But if he can negotiate for one or two days telecommuting then it is worth it.
I don’t mind driving 3 days a week and working from home on Fridays. Actually I enjoy the drive after getting Prius (a must) and getting 55 MPG.
People don’t believe I get 55+ MPG (9 MPG better than EPA) but here is the proof: