You have a way of discussing this “elephant in the room” much more eloquently than I would be able to :=0
NYMom, being a self-professed “expert” on the conduct of passive aggressive people, I ALSO believe that it’s too much responsibility for you to take on in choosing a location in SoCal for your family to move over 3000 miles to when you know very little about it and your spouse is actually FROM SoCal. He should be having his brother (and his mom, if she is able) scouting out listings for him (or rental ads) and doing drive-bys for you. He should be coming here on interviews and getting hired so he knows where he will work first. Especially since you say he is “between jobs” and thus has time on his hands. You appear to be trying to “shoot from the hip” in search of something in four very populous counties that cannot be found (exactly as you envision it) in your price range.
Earlier today, I watched a promo video for Westchester County, NY, to get a “feel” for the environment there:
NYMom, I really can’t think of ANYPLACE in CA that is quite like the above video.
I agree with scaredy and CAR that you should hash this move out with your spouse (in front of a counselor if necessary) and get on the same page, by hook or crook, no matter what you decide to do. In your case, divorce would be much, much more expensive than an interstate move and our domestic courts in CA urban coastal counties have a minimum two-year wait for trial. In any case, CA law favors a 50/50 child custody timeshare between parents (if contested) and the courts prefer both parents working and filing income and expense declarations before they will issue permanent support orders. Suffice to say your life will change 180 degrees if you split up after moving here due to you both not being on the same page with one another. If this happens, you could lose your freedom to move back home (unless you want to go back alone) and your case could easily get drawn out for YEARS. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to go there!
‘Nuff scare tactics. You get the picture. Now, go make an appt with a counselor first thing tomorrow morning in your spouse’s presence and then have your spouse get on speakerphone with his LA-area relatives to talk to them about their ability to scout out your various housing options there. You can’t really do this very well from where you are.
If they have lived all their lives in SoCal, they’ll likely tell it to you straight what is available in the context of your “requirements.”
