Funnier parts:
(1) Chicago to Louisville is under 5 hr by car. They could have rented each bumped passenger a Lambo or limo and got them there the same day. For that matter, wet lease on a King Air is ~$1500/hr — could have stuck them on a private plane for less than vouchers + hotel.
(2) The doctor involved was an immigrant and possibly a criminal. Trump came down on his side, not the airline’s. If that’s not irony, dunno what is.
(3) Everyone is blaming United, not the overgrown mall cops.

In all seriousness, if they’d have offered $800 to $1000 cash (actual cash or check), I’d have climbed over other passengers to get it, then rented myself a Porsche one way, bought a case of cigars, and got to Louisville in style.