Scaredy, I don’t recommend “nice” and never did. Nice might mean you are stuffing every bit of bullshit people give you. One can be patient and kind( not nice), or anyway something short of obnoxious, and defend themselves ,or walk away with dignity, in most normal situations. It doesn’t mean don’t tell people things they don’t like to hear , or ignore or deflect attempts to control you or any of that. If patient and reasonably kind doesn’t work, you might be dealing with a lunatic. So acting all bad is just going to be the old throwing fire on a flaming asshole, just makes the fire bigger. It can also get embarrassing , trust me.

Now when you really can’t get away or deflect violence then you have to fight physically, all my boys know this and I am still ready.

Really , if someone is out of control in an intolerably and inescapable oppressive way or dangerous way and you have the chance to do it , you probably need to get the cops or courts to help you. With kids they do need to get the help of adults sometimes.

I came from being too defensive a lot of the time. I have been overly passive in the face of other bad acts but not too often. I beat some kids up when I was a kid. They started it but they were doing stuff to other kids who avoided making much trauma out of it. I have been a loaner to avoid potential conflict but in the face of actual conflict I am rarely passive or “nice”.

So anyway, not everyone has your lopsided background. Well, I have never been an aggressor , but I have overreacted to it plenty. Some of us come from the other direction.Be careful you don’t get all excited calling people pussies and whatnot and get yourself in trouble.