[quote=Blogstar]My youngest blogstar jr. Is going to be 8 in dec.
My kids do not need a two parent household let alone a sahp. It has nothing to do with them. They get zero benefit out of my wife and I sharing a bedroom and little out of us sharing the rest of the house day after day.

What they need,
More and better mentoring. More quality time with peers and to continue to know both biological untts are crazy about them and will always be there.
What they need from their mom and I they could get with us living in separate households if we didn’t break up in a melodramatic fool fashion and play stupid hate games and victim games for years on end.

That’s not to say I am anti-family but at this point where reasonableness and respect would be involved anyway , it’s not that important.[/quote]

Ok , maybe this is just me being very old fashioned, but I think there’s a lot of value to kids when parents stay together. Even if they split, and it’s amicable, I just don’t believe it’s as good as being amicable together.

 

First, kids worry about their parents.  They worry more as they get older.  I feel like parents who stay together do their kids the favor of having to worry less about their parents and their parents loneliness.  That’s worth a lot in my book.  This goes triple when the folks get older, but I think it’s true even when the parents are young.

 

Second, kids seeing parents work shit out is valuable. My mom and dad had their crazy moments, but dammit, he wouldn’t leave.  He stuck it out even for stretches when he probably wasn’t feeling it.  That’s what you call a fucking role model.  I respect that.  He did it for a lot fo reasons, but the overarching reason was it was best for all involved…not just him, but all of us. 

 

That’s a sacrifice, I suppose, and not one I feel guilty about – although I feel guilty about all sorts of other stuff, but not that….that’s being a man, in my book. So I believe, maybe wrongly, that that’s good for one’s kids to see.  Can I put a price on it?  No, but it’s worth a shitload.

 

Third, I believe in wedding vows.  I don’t believe in G-d or any of that stuff, but I believe in keeping your word, as best you can, and people who stick it out, even if they’re sometimes not happy about it, that has some real value to me…and it’s not like I tell my kids that, but I think they figure that shit out.  So it has value, man; kids whose parents stay married are more likely to stay married I think, and more likely to take serious commitment seriously, which, in the overall scheme of life, is usually a good thing. 

 

One of the things I like a lot about my kid’s girlfriend is her parents have been married a long time.  That is good.  That doesn’t guarantee anything but in general, it correlates with mental health.  If hre parents were split up…I wouldn’t think she was necessarily unfit…but I put intact family as a big plus in the “do I like her as a future mate” column.  My wife’s parents…married since the dawn of time…that’s good.  That’s my prejudice, and I don’t have any data onhand to back it up, but CaR I’m sure can dig up some statistics to back up that this is a healthy thing.

 

So to say it’s all the same if you split up…I just respectfully and strongly disagree.  I’m not saying splitting up necessarily messes the kids up, or it can’t be ok if you are split up.  Just that there is value in being together.  Lots of value. That’s my position and I’m not changing.  It’s not so much self-sacrifice as just subjugating what you want for other people’s benefit.  If anything, I think it enhances the self.

 

But nothing should ever be done within the family for the good of the dog.