[quote=FlyerInHi]Blog star, absolutely, people should have an array of choices to do what makes them happy.

You’re thinking self-fulfillment on an individual and family level. I’m thinking society in general, and policies and laws concerning marriage.

I believe a large number of women (more like a majority) want to be sahp and they want protection. It’s not really about equality in that men can do it too. Men who go about becoming homemakers and seeking provider spouses the same way women do will never make it.[/quote]

Brian, you’re ignoring the very real biological differences between men and women. Until men can start making and nursing babies, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever see a situation where 50% of the SAHPs are men. It’s just not realistic. That doesn’t mean that we can’t shift more in that direction, but that it’s unlikely to be 50% male SAHPs.

One more thing, (and I have to agree with Russ about the internet expert thing), you have no idea what it’s like to be the primary (or sole) caretaker of children. Caretaking and homemaking are NOTHING AT ALL like being on vacation or “not working” for the single/childless person. It is VERY REAL WORK, and it can be every bit as draining and exhausting as working outside the home. For those of us who have done both, most would agree that it’s far easier to have a job where you can come home and be totally off work. SAHPs don’t get that; it’s 24/7 work that doesn’t ever stop.

In addition to that, for those who enjoyed a career before having children and who’ve spent years getting an education and working their way up the corporate/professional ladder — with all the social status, accolades, and self-identity that go along with it — it can be incredibly difficult to suddenly become a servant (for free, and often working harder than you ever did in your professional life!) without an identity of your own. You become so-and-so’s wife or mother (and don’t even get to keep your own name, in most cases). And then, you get to hear all the ignoramuses out there saying, “Oh, you don’t work.” It can be very frustrating, demoralizing, and depressing. I think this is where a lot of the “complaining” and talk of sacrifices comes from. Many SAHPS make very real sacrifices in order to do what they feel is the right thing for their families, and they are giving up a HUGE piece of themselves in the process.

And before you (logically) suggest that these women then get a job, it is so incredibly difficult for a woman who has the most intense physical, emotional, and mental attachment to this precious, vulnerable baby to hand this child over to a stranger for 8+ hours every day for most of the child’s waking moments. For many of us, it just feels like it’s not worth having kids if you can’t spend the majority of their waking moments with them. Many of us feel extremely conflicted about this, but biology/hormones win that battle in many cases, so you end up being a SAHM. That doesn’t mean she’s getting a “free ride” or that she isn’t working. That is the most ignorant, insulting assumption out there.