JP I believe yours was definitely the exception as was evidenced with the overall experience with the lender you were working with.
As far as the other appraiser asking you if you need it to come in at a certain amount, that is not the norm as well. Additionally that appraiser will still need to have his appraisal submitted to his management company and it still will need to be approved by them. Obviously the system is not perfect but it is what we have.
I would simply argue that pricing is driven by buyers and not appraisals. At least for now this is the case.