I would study existential problems…and breathe as the others have said.Cry if it helps. It sounds like the identity or identities you have choosen for yourself are being challenged to a higher degree at this time.

For instance, you identify heavily with being a good father and getting fulfilment out of that but the kids are not cooperating with what you imagine that should look like. You find that identifying with “success” doesn’t work as well as it had previously. Maybe being a more adventurous Cabal, or more selfless would do it? Where would that lead? Maybe it is time to explore and see what to leave in and what to leave out.Religion may be another “identity” issue.

Your “petty bucket list” doesn’t look pathetic to me. It shows you have so many more choices than most people. Maybe looking at it as a “good start” would be more positive. Work on it.

I spent some time attending services sporadically and participating in discussion groups at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Hillcrest. I was a bit of a fish out of water, based on several things that I won’t go into, but it did have many components that might serve well towards some of these questions or activities that you want to explore.

I don’t think you have to think about clinical depression based on this and I don’t think you believe that either…but it doesn’t hurt to talk with someone… or a few people.For the record I am skeptical, as others here are, about the modern view of, and treatments for, “depression”.