TemeculaGuy, if you’re reading this, I loved your “j” story!
I’ve moved around the U.S. about 7 times in 10 years (or something like that). This problem is NOT restricted to Southern CA. I’ve lived in communities on the east coast where many people did not speak English as a first language…culturally it was not cool to say ‘hi’ to strangers. Many people are also afraid – the world is scary these days and you never quite know who is a sociopath/serial killer – they often seem like nice, normal people.
A major study came about about 3 years ago that concluded that “social isolation” is on the rise. Many people do not know how to relate to others anymore…they are used to texting, IM’ing, online forums….the concept of knocking on your neighbor’s door with a bottle of wine, or a cake is almost ALIEN.
I’ve also lived in other countries, and one of the things that always struck me is that in other cultures the family is everything. People are less transient and tend to stay close to their roots. That does not happen in this country. Many Americans are on the move, and we often have to “create” a family wherever it is that we land.
After we bought a home in Temecula last year, we decided to take the bull by the horns. We had a party and invited our neighbors. We had booze, appetizers, cheese, desserts, etc. We had done a lot of renovations to the place, and neighbors were curious/nosey.
It broke the ice. Neighbors now call to invite me to lunch, coffee, movies, ring my doorbell when I’ve left my car lights on, or forget to bring in the trash cans, etc.
Sometimes, you just need to make the first move.
I know this can be awkward when you’re single – it’s often easier as a couple to reach out.
I suggest that you pick a date and organize a Wine Social. Pick up some cubes o’cheese and crackers from Costco, a few bottles of wine, and voila! If 1-2 people only show up, that’s 1-2 people you didnt know before. Most of our block showed up at our Sunday afternoon soiree and it was a lot of fun. I also invited a few “non-neighbor” friends to lend some moral support (and help liven things up).
Finally, one thing I’ve learned is that people may SEEM unfriendly, but we all tend to take these things waaaay too personally (this includes me). Often times, people have had a crappy day at work, their dog died, their wife just moved out, or they cant pay their bills. Sometimes, you just have to take a stand and say, “this is where I live and I’m going to make it into something I like.”
Good luck!
Dharma Girl
Official Cruise Director for Pigginton 🙂
