FLU: Buy a soda from their snack bar and spill it onto the floor before pulling the item down on you and you can add a “slip and fall” claim, too.

If you bring your wife along, she can claim she was so horrified by the accident that you two no longer have… relations and can claim “loss of consortion” and “mental anguish” (from the horror of seeing that toaster oven land on your melon).

Sue in LA District Court: They’re suckers for this stuff. Or, better yet, San Francisco. You live up there, right?