I don’t know you or your kids, so I’m just speaking in the general sense.

Kids need to get out on their own and explore. It’s what they want and what they need.

Most late teens early twenties are content coming to see their parents on their own schedule…That way they stay grounded in reality but still have the opportunity to explore without parental interference.

In many cases the parental home feels like “the rock”, the one thing in their life that doesn’t change. For that reason, it is sorta desirable for you not to change homes at this phase of their life – they can come home and the place is just like it was when they were kids…it gives them a sense of continuity, reassurance.

Once they get through school, they can always move back home and take a job locally. That’s what happened to us with one of our kids. When life hit a rough patch, they came back to the nest as long as they needed to get back on their feet. Come to think about it, that’s what I did to my folks too. Moved back home for about 4-5 months in my early 20s.

It’s really nice to have that buffer to rely on. I don’t think you need to follow your kids around – they’ll find you when they need you.

When my wife and I moved to SoCal, my father thought just like you are thinking. He talked about selling the family homestead up north and moving to San Diego. I discouraged that and it never happened. We still saw plenty of each other, but we still had our own space and didn’t have to worry about mom and dad spending all their free time at our house. 🙂

I think it is important for a parent to be supportive without being overbearing.

[quote=scaredyclassic]
Some days i feel i am just starting to see clearly.[/quote]

I know the feeling. Several times in the last year I’ve had an epiphany about why something is the way it is, then my next thought is usually why did it take me all these decades to figure that out?

It’s pretty humbling.