first it was the AARP solicitation. But that was a long time ago.

Now…I used to despise tomato juice and beet juice. Despise. like the thought would make me sick.

Now suddenly it tastes delicious to me. i drink big jars out of the fridge. im like a pregnant woman with a strange craving.

What was my dad drinking in large quantities right around the time he started to look old? Yep…same stuff. no more taste buds.

I used to have terrible allergies when workin in the yard from grass, Now, nothing. It means my immune system is shot and cannot muster the energy to mount a response anymore.

my hands and feet suddenly cramp, horribly, pretty often . Yeah I eat bananas, drink water. I still get these incredible painful cramps that twist my hands. dr. says it’s a sign of old age.

I can’t run.

A couple hours in the yard raking and im utterly exhausted and fall asleep. this was not the case even a few years ago. a little yard work didnt put me out.

I fear this is the beginning of the end. in fact Im positive im hitting a steep decline. I feel like i just walked over a cliff. it is absolutely clear to me that i am not going to die. i used to think it was possible, but not really. now i see…

I am not confident i can survive covid19, or if i do survive that i will be well.