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paramount.
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March 12, 2012 at 10:38 AM #19588March 12, 2012 at 12:18 PM #739749
profhoff
ParticipantI think you’ve answered your own question. It doesn’t matter what anyone else would do because they won’t have the same preference function as you do.
If the money isn’t as important as other things, then it makes sense to move. You sound like you want to move and you lay out good reasons why you should move.
If your husband has the chance to “move up,” then this could be your opportunity to move back to the area you clearly miss very much.
IMHO, quality of life makes up for a lot and the research shows that the money isn’t going to make you as happy as doing what is right for your family.
OTOH, if the pay cut is so substantial that you can’t afford to live here, then the stress will more than take away from any benefits you gain by moving back “home.”
You don’t say what a $20,000-$40,000 cut is percentage-wise, so it’s hard to know how much of a hit you will be taking.
It’s hard to imagine house prices going much lower in real terms,considering rates and inflation now, so this is a good time to move back and you don’t have to live in the most expensive community so you can control your housing costs.
Raising an autistic child presents significant challenges – my own opinion is that you should evaluate the resources available to your child in different locales and then decide accordingly.
I have several colleagues with autistic children and one actually moved out of SoCal because fighting with the public school system in LA became too much. So be sure to research whether you can get the benefits here and how easily. It probably varies from district to district.
March 12, 2012 at 1:42 PM #739756Former SD resident
ParticipantThanks for the reply profhoff. FYI my husbands current take home pay is 125K plus options, pension (and this is in NC) so it’d be a 15-30% pay cut. We feel we could live with the 15% cut, but not the 30%. We are originally from San Diego and have a lot of support there. It’s so hard to be across the country with no support, 2 little ones (27 months and 8 months) and one having special needs. Just trying to talk it out and wondering if we are the only ones who would consider such a drastic move. I will definitely research all our options before we make such a decision, but SD would be such an easy place to move back too. Every time we get off the plane for a visit it feels like home and is so hard to leave. Also, I do plan to go back to work in a few years and still have a lot of professional contacts in the area so it may be easier for me to find a job there too. Thanks again!
March 12, 2012 at 2:03 PM #739758UCGal
ParticipantDefinitely consider the school district. We have family in PA with kids with various dx’s (ADHD, asbergers, PDD). Like your child, OT and speech therapies were very much called for. My BIL turned down a job that would double his salary when he realized that the school district in suburban Georgia would not offer any of these services. It was the right choice for his family – and the two kids are now in college having been able to mainstream and succeed with the help of therapy and IEPs. Having to pay for the therapy themselves would have more than negated the big pay hike.
Family support is another huge thing. You say your family is here. That could be a significant factor. Support and understanding go a long way in alleviating the stresses associated with dealing with the day in day out needs of a kid with autism.
March 12, 2012 at 5:43 PM #739771
CoronitaParticipantJust some things…
*Health/wellness of family first..Everything else is window dressing. Therefore, my question for you would be where would the best treatment for your child be, within the limits of what you can afford. (is paying 20-30k gives you the best/better treatment, and can you can afford it)?
Because it if were me, I’d figure that one out first. I’ve found out in a lot of times in healthcare, you do get what you pay for….*The other thing is, assuming you have to pay 20-30k out of pocket, have you figured out how much this impacts your your household income after itemizing deductions on schedule A… If your household income is $125k and your expected medical expenses are going to be around $30k, it’s going to be more than 7.5% of your households AGI, so you will get to itemize part of it on schedule A. Might help to figure out what the true hit would be… (Get turbotax or something like that). Plus that medical expense is only for 1 child. You, your spouse, your other child will have other things that you can “pile on”.
*That said… If the best option is to move out of N.C. make SURE your husband is ok with the lower level job…You have to understand that in a lot of cases, men are wired differently…Career is important to a lot of men, and taking a voluntarily lower level job might feel like getting kicked in the nuts. Not saying it’s the case with your husband, but just make sure you have your heart to heart talk with him about how he really feels…Because the last think anyone in your family need is more stress from frustation/etc… I’m sure he would be willing to make sacrifices for family sake, but double check he is going to be ok.
*Lastly, with all due respect though, the last thing on your mind should be judgling home ownership at the same time. You have a kid that will need treatment/support…Even if 100% is covered in california, things are never exactly 100%…
March 12, 2012 at 7:12 PM #739783ParticipantUCGal: thanks for your post. We are considering school districts and still have a lot of research to do, but it does seem like there is a lot more support for the suggested therapies in SoCal than NC. Also, as you stated,family being near by would be a huge plus. We never truly appreciated how difficult it would be raise a children so far from our support network. We’ve made friends here but it’s not the same as life long friends and family.
Flu: Thanks for your thoughtful post. and I’ll address your questions.
1) No we really can not afford 20-30K/year ongoing. We figure we can afford it for a few years by cutting our spending and tapping our savings, but then what? what happens if our second child needs something too.
2) a quick back of the envelope calculation would be out of pocket worst case senerio 24K and best around 15K. still a lot for us.
3) this is a big one for me. I’ve tried talking it over with my husband and have told him many many times that I want him to be happy and if he doesn’t want to take a lower level or paying job I’m ok with that and we’ll figure out a way to make it work. He’s response is always, he doesn’t want to talk about it and that we can have that discussion when/if he gets the job. But I don’t understand why he’d want to go through the hassle if he decides he doesn’t want to take the job. I know that he really wants to move back to CA too and has said it’s been a bruise to his ego that its taking so long, but he won’t really discuss jobs much more than that. I will say though that he is very unhappy at his current employer, he likes what he does, but not the people or politics he works with.
4) we’re not too concerned with that, but it would be nice if it worked out. we’ll also be selling a home in NC at a little lost (no where new CA levels), but it would be nice to buy where prices are down and while interest rates are low too. also, if we do get back to SoCal, I can’t imagine we’d ever leave again.I’ll repeat what I said above to UCGal. Being closer to family is a huge motivating factor. Even before the dx we were hoping to move back, we just were not in a hurry, but with all this added stress it would be really nice to have our support network close. Even having a date night or help with the kids when one of us is sick would be huge. I know we have a lot to think about. I appreciate all your thoughts.
March 12, 2012 at 8:27 PM #739791scaredyclassic
ParticipantDevils advocate;
You moved away with a kid. Family always seems better and more helpful from a distance.
We moved here to be closer to family and got ZERO assistance.
The extra salary covers a lot of the cost.
I’d say it’s a close call.
I was pissy for a few years when we moved here to be closer to her family. I did not like it.
Now I do like it. But we couldve gotten divorced I was that pissy.
March 12, 2012 at 8:32 PM #739792
svelteParticipantMore in life than money.
Pick the one that makes you happiest and do it.
March 12, 2012 at 9:50 PM #739795paramount
Participant[quote=svelte]More in life than money.
Pick the one that makes you happiest and do it.[/quote]
I agree do what makes you happy within reason, but you may want to consider that a recession is on the way.
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