I have heard it hinted here or flat-out stated that some women believe it is acceptable to hold out on sex in order to get something they want from a man.
This was one of the things that my husband and I decided to never do. We in fact live primarily by two rules:
1. Never withhold sex for any reason, no matter how angry you are at your spouse. (If I hold out on sex, I'm seriously punishing myself, too. We don't think this should ever be a ploy in getting what you want).
2. Don't have sex with someone of the opposite sex. (I am apparently allowed to sleep with as many women as I want).
In college I dated someone who was probably insecure. He didn't like me hanging out with my male friends and tried to stop me from going out sometimes. I thought this was ridiculous, especially since I wasn't interested in more than friendship with those guys, and also none of my girlfriends wanted to go to the bar to watch NBA and NHL playoffs simultaneously. Well, that relationship ended and I decided I was never going to impose stupid restrictions on anybody and I didn't want any imposed on me.
So when I started dating my husband, I never told him he couldn't hang out with the guys or look at other women. He thinks Zhang Ziyi and Beyonce are really hot. Well, they ARE hot. If I were a straight man I would find pictures of them on the internet, too. I don't think that's any different than me checking out guys at the gym. It doesn't make me love my husband any less, so I have to assume that if he goes to a bachelor party he's going to check out some strippers and still love me just the same.
I'm sure it isn't the same for everybody, but we both need time away from each other just as much as we need time to spend together, and this mutual trust and freedom works for us. If he is out with the guys, it gives me time to go to the gym or do my nails. If I'm at the mall, he has time to play Dungeons and Dragons Online with his brother. And then we'll watch the Flyers game together. Well, tonight we're going to see Forbidden Kingdom. You can't go wrong with a movie that has Jackie Chan AND Jet Li in it.
