Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
sdduuuude
Participant[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.
museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).
work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.
…[/quote]
OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]
I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.
Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.
Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.
That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?
Participant[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.
museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).
work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.
…[/quote]
OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]
I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.
Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.
Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.
That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?
Participant[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.
museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).
work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.
…[/quote]
OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]
I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.
Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.
Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.
That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?
Participant[quote=meadandale]Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.[/quote]
As I went to lunch, I wondered if maybe this kid had not been exposed to museums, libraries, even toy stores or if he just didn’t react to them. If I were this parent, I would set out this Summer on a vicious quest to show the young lad all kinds of new things – movies, sports, Disneyland, toys, games, museums, libraries, hiking, science experiments, math games, chess … anything and everything … just to see what captivates him. Something out there is interesting
Participant[quote=meadandale]Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.[/quote]
As I went to lunch, I wondered if maybe this kid had not been exposed to museums, libraries, even toy stores or if he just didn’t react to them. If I were this parent, I would set out this Summer on a vicious quest to show the young lad all kinds of new things – movies, sports, Disneyland, toys, games, museums, libraries, hiking, science experiments, math games, chess … anything and everything … just to see what captivates him. Something out there is interesting
Participant[quote=meadandale]Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.[/quote]
As I went to lunch, I wondered if maybe this kid had not been exposed to museums, libraries, even toy stores or if he just didn’t react to them. If I were this parent, I would set out this Summer on a vicious quest to show the young lad all kinds of new things – movies, sports, Disneyland, toys, games, museums, libraries, hiking, science experiments, math games, chess … anything and everything … just to see what captivates him. Something out there is interesting
Participant[quote=meadandale]Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.[/quote]
As I went to lunch, I wondered if maybe this kid had not been exposed to museums, libraries, even toy stores or if he just didn’t react to them. If I were this parent, I would set out this Summer on a vicious quest to show the young lad all kinds of new things – movies, sports, Disneyland, toys, games, museums, libraries, hiking, science experiments, math games, chess … anything and everything … just to see what captivates him. Something out there is interesting
Participant[quote=meadandale]Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.[/quote]
As I went to lunch, I wondered if maybe this kid had not been exposed to museums, libraries, even toy stores or if he just didn’t react to them. If I were this parent, I would set out this Summer on a vicious quest to show the young lad all kinds of new things – movies, sports, Disneyland, toys, games, museums, libraries, hiking, science experiments, math games, chess … anything and everything … just to see what captivates him. Something out there is interesting
Participant[quote=meadandale][quote=scaredycat]I think he’ll do better if he’s paid. More important, I think i’ll have to hassle him less. [/quote]
This is strong evidence of why I think that this is the wrong approach…
You are looking for a short cut that achieves two objectives:
1) You son has good grades
2) You don’t have to bothered with how that happensIt’s number two that is THE PROBLEM with most parents these days. They just don’t want to be bothered with their children…
[/quote]
Meandale – I thought the same thing for a moment, but I don’t think she was saying she didn’t want the hassle of her son, but she didn’t want to hassle him. Big difference.
Participant[quote=meadandale][quote=scaredycat]I think he’ll do better if he’s paid. More important, I think i’ll have to hassle him less. [/quote]
This is strong evidence of why I think that this is the wrong approach…
You are looking for a short cut that achieves two objectives:
1) You son has good grades
2) You don’t have to bothered with how that happensIt’s number two that is THE PROBLEM with most parents these days. They just don’t want to be bothered with their children…
[/quote]
Meandale – I thought the same thing for a moment, but I don’t think she was saying she didn’t want the hassle of her son, but she didn’t want to hassle him. Big difference.
Participant[quote=meadandale][quote=scaredycat]I think he’ll do better if he’s paid. More important, I think i’ll have to hassle him less. [/quote]
This is strong evidence of why I think that this is the wrong approach…
You are looking for a short cut that achieves two objectives:
1) You son has good grades
2) You don’t have to bothered with how that happensIt’s number two that is THE PROBLEM with most parents these days. They just don’t want to be bothered with their children…
[/quote]
Meandale – I thought the same thing for a moment, but I don’t think she was saying she didn’t want the hassle of her son, but she didn’t want to hassle him. Big difference.
Participant[quote=meadandale][quote=scaredycat]I think he’ll do better if he’s paid. More important, I think i’ll have to hassle him less. [/quote]
This is strong evidence of why I think that this is the wrong approach…
You are looking for a short cut that achieves two objectives:
1) You son has good grades
2) You don’t have to bothered with how that happensIt’s number two that is THE PROBLEM with most parents these days. They just don’t want to be bothered with their children…
[/quote]
Meandale – I thought the same thing for a moment, but I don’t think she was saying she didn’t want the hassle of her son, but she didn’t want to hassle him. Big difference.
Participant[quote=meadandale][quote=scaredycat]I think he’ll do better if he’s paid. More important, I think i’ll have to hassle him less. [/quote]
This is strong evidence of why I think that this is the wrong approach…
You are looking for a short cut that achieves two objectives:
1) You son has good grades
2) You don’t have to bothered with how that happensIt’s number two that is THE PROBLEM with most parents these days. They just don’t want to be bothered with their children…
[/quote]
Meandale – I thought the same thing for a moment, but I don’t think she was saying she didn’t want the hassle of her son, but she didn’t want to hassle him. Big difference.
ParticipantMy favorite topic but I’m late to the party.
Lots of good thoughts in there.I have no issues with the idea of paying for grades, but I’m not sure it is going to work.
If you have a kid who has been given allowance his whole life and makes his own decisions about money and understands the value of money (i.e. he isn’t coming to mom and dad every time he needs something), then it might work, but I’d be surprised if such a kid had trouble with grades anyway.
If you have a kid who isn’t used to handling his own money and he has to ask his parents to buy them things, then the pay-for-grades concept isn’t going to work because they will have no clue what $1000 means.
I say give him a chance to succeed on his own first, without the incentive. If he is struggling, try to understand why and react accordingly. I think it is better for him to get self-motivated A’s and B’s than cash-motivated A’s only.
I’d suggest not paying for grades the first year. See how the grades are to start with. Maybe he’ll be a scholastic star and you will have more concerns about his social skills. In that case, Temecula’s idea of giving rewards that are based on socializing is especially good.
For the first year of HS, avoid buying stuff other than food and basic clothes for him, give an allowance based on housework and see what he spends the money on. Once you give your kids the freedom to buy stuff with their own money, you learn quickly what they love (maybe ant farms ?) and then you either can use those things as incentive, or additional money.
Commincation by you to understand what motivates him is the key. Sounds like you don’t really know, which is OK, but taking time to find out will serve you better than assuming cash will do the trick.
-
AuthorPosts
