[bearishgurl]

[quote=AN]I’m of the mind that family who stick together and help each other will be better off than those who thinks everyone for themselves. My parents did everything they could for me (pay for my tuition, let me live at home for as long as I want, etc), and in return, now that I’m independent, I will be there to support them anytime they need/want me to. They would never have kick me out of the house and I will never put them in a home when it’s time for me to take care of my parents in return. I’m doing the same thing to my kids as my parents did to me. Just because my parents paid everything for me doesn’t make me lazy and a deadbeat. I help out around the house when I was little and start working when I was 15 and never stopped working since. But because they helped me out financially, it sure made my life a lot easier. I don’t have to worry about student loans. I can save a lot more than I would have if I have a pile of student loans to worry about. I will take that advantage my parents gave me to take it to the next level and pass on that advantage to my kids.[/quote]

AN, you have a very good memory. You are the exception in your generation, and/or a product of your culture, or both. As I remember your situation, you purchased your first home in the exact same or adjacent neighborhood that you grew up in :=]

[bearishgurl]

[quote=AN]I’m of the mind that family who stick together and help each other will be better off than those who thinks everyone for themselves. My parents did everything they could for me (pay for my tuition, let me live at home for as long as I want, etc), and in return, now that I’m independent, I will be there to support them anytime they need/want me to. They would never have kick me out of the house and I will never put them in a home when it’s time for me to take care of my parents in return. I’m doing the same thing to my kids as my parents did to me. Just because my parents paid everything for me doesn’t make me lazy and a deadbeat. I help out around the house when I was little and start working when I was 15 and never stopped working since. But because they helped me out financially, it sure made my life a lot easier. I don’t have to worry about student loans. I can save a lot more than I would have if I have a pile of student loans to worry about. I will take that advantage my parents gave me to take it to the next level and pass on that advantage to my kids.[/quote]

AN, you have a very good memory. You are the exception in your generation, and/or a product of your culture, or both. As I remember your situation, you purchased your first home in the exact same or adjacent neighborhood that you grew up in :=]

[bearishgurl]

[quote=AN]I’m of the mind that family who stick together and help each other will be better off than those who thinks everyone for themselves. My parents did everything they could for me (pay for my tuition, let me live at home for as long as I want, etc), and in return, now that I’m independent, I will be there to support them anytime they need/want me to. They would never have kick me out of the house and I will never put them in a home when it’s time for me to take care of my parents in return. I’m doing the same thing to my kids as my parents did to me. Just because my parents paid everything for me doesn’t make me lazy and a deadbeat. I help out around the house when I was little and start working when I was 15 and never stopped working since. But because they helped me out financially, it sure made my life a lot easier. I don’t have to worry about student loans. I can save a lot more than I would have if I have a pile of student loans to worry about. I will take that advantage my parents gave me to take it to the next level and pass on that advantage to my kids.[/quote]

AN, you have a very good memory. You are the exception in your generation, and/or a product of your culture, or both. As I remember your situation, you purchased your first home in the exact same or adjacent neighborhood that you grew up in :=]

[bearishgurl]

[quote=urbanrealtor]Guys.
I would like first to have a moment of silence for sdr who could not be here with us tonight.

However, in his time (and long life) he saw many beautiful things.

The construction of the Golden Gate Bridge,
the fall of the siege of Sevastopol,
the end of slavery in the United States,

The adoption of euclidean mathematics

The moon landing

The independence of Canada.

The circumnavigation of the globe.

The founding of the federal reserve.[/quote]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For Gawd’s sake, UR, he’s not hitting a MILESTONE b-day yet! You’ve got sdr lying in a coffin and truly, life BEGINS at 50 (at least) … that is … life the way YOU WANT IT!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=urbanrealtor]Guys.
I would like first to have a moment of silence for sdr who could not be here with us tonight.

However, in his time (and long life) he saw many beautiful things.

The construction of the Golden Gate Bridge,
the fall of the siege of Sevastopol,
the end of slavery in the United States,

The adoption of euclidean mathematics

The moon landing

The independence of Canada.

The circumnavigation of the globe.

The founding of the federal reserve.[/quote]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For Gawd’s sake, UR, he’s not hitting a MILESTONE b-day yet! You’ve got sdr lying in a coffin and truly, life BEGINS at 50 (at least) … that is … life the way YOU WANT IT!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=urbanrealtor]Guys.
I would like first to have a moment of silence for sdr who could not be here with us tonight.

However, in his time (and long life) he saw many beautiful things.

The construction of the Golden Gate Bridge,
the fall of the siege of Sevastopol,
the end of slavery in the United States,

The adoption of euclidean mathematics

The moon landing

The independence of Canada.

The circumnavigation of the globe.

The founding of the federal reserve.[/quote]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For Gawd’s sake, UR, he’s not hitting a MILESTONE b-day yet! You’ve got sdr lying in a coffin and truly, life BEGINS at 50 (at least) … that is … life the way YOU WANT IT!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=urbanrealtor]Guys.
I would like first to have a moment of silence for sdr who could not be here with us tonight.

However, in his time (and long life) he saw many beautiful things.

The construction of the Golden Gate Bridge,
the fall of the siege of Sevastopol,
the end of slavery in the United States,

The adoption of euclidean mathematics

The moon landing

The independence of Canada.

The circumnavigation of the globe.

The founding of the federal reserve.[/quote]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For Gawd’s sake, UR, he’s not hitting a MILESTONE b-day yet! You’ve got sdr lying in a coffin and truly, life BEGINS at 50 (at least) … that is … life the way YOU WANT IT!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=urbanrealtor]Guys.
I would like first to have a moment of silence for sdr who could not be here with us tonight.

However, in his time (and long life) he saw many beautiful things.

The construction of the Golden Gate Bridge,
the fall of the siege of Sevastopol,
the end of slavery in the United States,

The adoption of euclidean mathematics

The moon landing

The independence of Canada.

The circumnavigation of the globe.

The founding of the federal reserve.[/quote]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For Gawd’s sake, UR, he’s not hitting a MILESTONE b-day yet! You’ve got sdr lying in a coffin and truly, life BEGINS at 50 (at least) … that is … life the way YOU WANT IT!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=sdrealtor]…I’ve been traveling around visiting friends and family with my wine bag for the last few hours. I also bought 4 dozen roses – one for each of my 48 years on the planet. I’ve been handing them out to friends, family and complete strangers. It hasnt been easy giving away so many in one day but neither have the last 48 years been…[/quote]

I (vaguely) remember my 48th. It gets better from here on out, sdr!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=sdrealtor]…I’ve been traveling around visiting friends and family with my wine bag for the last few hours. I also bought 4 dozen roses – one for each of my 48 years on the planet. I’ve been handing them out to friends, family and complete strangers. It hasnt been easy giving away so many in one day but neither have the last 48 years been…[/quote]

I (vaguely) remember my 48th. It gets better from here on out, sdr!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=sdrealtor]…I’ve been traveling around visiting friends and family with my wine bag for the last few hours. I also bought 4 dozen roses – one for each of my 48 years on the planet. I’ve been handing them out to friends, family and complete strangers. It hasnt been easy giving away so many in one day but neither have the last 48 years been…[/quote]

I (vaguely) remember my 48th. It gets better from here on out, sdr!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=sdrealtor]…I’ve been traveling around visiting friends and family with my wine bag for the last few hours. I also bought 4 dozen roses – one for each of my 48 years on the planet. I’ve been handing them out to friends, family and complete strangers. It hasnt been easy giving away so many in one day but neither have the last 48 years been…[/quote]

I (vaguely) remember my 48th. It gets better from here on out, sdr!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=sdrealtor]…I’ve been traveling around visiting friends and family with my wine bag for the last few hours. I also bought 4 dozen roses – one for each of my 48 years on the planet. I’ve been handing them out to friends, family and complete strangers. It hasnt been easy giving away so many in one day but neither have the last 48 years been…[/quote]

I (vaguely) remember my 48th. It gets better from here on out, sdr!

[bearishgurl]

[quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion.

The boomer parent(s), now 60+, were often newly retired or just on the brink of retiring from their often longtime jobs when they received all these needy family members back into their homes for a “temporary” stay (ostensibly to “get their feet back on the ground”) which ends up turning into years. The parent can’t downsize (too many people) and move to that 2 br cabin in the sticks they’ve dreamed about now (proximity to schools an issue) or travel, which they may have been waiting their whole lives for without upending their minor grandchildren’s (previously unstable) lives.

In almost every domestic (dissolution) case in SD County that I’ve prepared forms/pleading on since 2000, one or both parties stated to the court that they were moving in with friends/relatives indefinitely.

I’ve also seen in recent years MULTIPLE married couples under the age of 40 being deeded (FREE AND CLEAR) land, houses, a duplex and a small biz commercial property by one of their still-alive parents, only to almost immediately mortgage it into oblivion solely to extract cash and continue to use the property, live in it or collect rent from it. They typically made 3-7 mtg payments and then let it slip into foreclosure.

In the case of one vacant lot, the couple actually DID build a 4 bdrm house on it, but contracted the work themselves and did not grade the lot properly. As you can well imagine, they had MANY problems during rains and with getting in/out of the property, etc. They eventually lived as long as they could in it (after attempting to sell it for $1.4M w/no price reductions) before succumbing to foreclosure.

Cost of 2 AC Lot: $0 (deeded 2001)
Cost of Plans: $900 (nine hundred)
Cost of Mat’ls: $138K
Cost of Permits: $21K
Cost of Engineering: $0 (but should have hired one)

Total of loans taken out by couple by 2006: $996K (1st, 2nd, HELOC)

Length of ownership: 5.5 yrs (incl vacant lot)
Length of mtg-free living before losing property: 13 mos.

When this “party” was over, the couple promptly filed (Chap 7) BK and divorced (his 2nd/her 3rd). They share two kids. He moved into one BR apt and she moved (where else?) back in with “mom” (now widowed) with her now 4 “pt time” children (3 minors) after already receiving her own parents land which had been in their family for many years and squandering it.

Current age of couple: abt 42
Current age of mom: abt 69

No, I did NOT do any domestic legal work for this “land-gift” couple!!

I’m not saying ALL the “under 40” generation is like this. But why should a typical older parent who is cutting corners by doing all their own household work and gardening, wearing clothes mostly given to them, not buying any disposable items and rationing gas and utils in order to live within their means feel compelled to take on the responsibility of an adult child who repeatedly digs their own grave? ALL of these young couples’ problems were caused from gross overspending due to grandiose and unrealistic expectations given their educational and professional “station” in life. I don’t believe the majority of older boomers and the WWII generation (who typically married young) have or had these HUGE expectations in housing, vehicles, public or private schools, etc, while raising children.

These young families COULD have had a better quality of life and kept so much more of their earnings and assets were it not due to their constant WASTEFUL expenditures and and an all-too-prevalent “disposable” mindset.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=eavesdropper]…Very often the parents have also put themselves at extreme risk by remortgaging their homes to the point of foreclosure, depleting their retirement savings, and maxing out a dozen credit cards to deal with their child’s demands and financial screw-ups…[/quote]

Great post, eavesdropper. As to the above, I’ve seen a LOT of this in recent years, done mostly for “children” (aged 30-40) and their children (grandchildren of near-retirees). These “codependent” parents have virtually, in some cases, rendered themselves near-destitute in their looming retirement years financially “helping” their able-bodied adult children. After being widowed w/o life insurance, divorced one or more times or never-married with multiple children, these “adult children” move back to their parent(s) home or even live in an RV or small granny flat on their parent(s) property, using their (often “better”) address for school attendance purposes and using the parents home for laundry, cooking, hot showers, cable TV purposes, etc. The returning kid (now parent) typically comes “back home” with no job, no assets, expensive cell phone contracts for they and their child(ren), maxed out CC’s, car payments and sometimes even student loans they have deferred into oblivion.

The boomer parent(s), now 60+, were often newly retired or just on the brink of retiring from their often longtime jobs when they received all these needy family members back into their homes for a “temporary” stay (ostensibly to “get their feet back on the ground”) which ends up turning into years. The parent can’t downsize (too many people) and move to that 2 br cabin in the sticks they’ve dreamed about now (proximity to schools an issue) or travel, which they may have been waiting their whole lives for without upending their minor grandchildren’s (previously unstable) lives.

In almost every domestic (dissolution) case in SD County that I’ve prepared forms/pleading on since 2000, one or both parties stated to the court that they were moving in with friends/relatives indefinitely.

I’ve also seen in recent years MULTIPLE married couples under the age of 40 being deeded (FREE AND CLEAR) land, houses, a duplex and a small biz commercial property by one of their still-alive parents, only to almost immediately mortgage it into oblivion solely to extract cash and continue to use the property, live in it or collect rent from it. They typically made 3-7 mtg payments and then let it slip into foreclosure.

In the case of one vacant lot, the couple actually DID build a 4 bdrm house on it, but contracted the work themselves and did not grade the lot properly. As you can well imagine, they had MANY problems during rains and with getting in/out of the property, etc. They eventually lived as long as they could in it (after attempting to sell it for $1.4M w/no price reductions) before succumbing to foreclosure.

Cost of 2 AC Lot: $0 (deeded 2001)
Cost of Plans: $900 (nine hundred)
Cost of Mat’ls: $138K
Cost of Permits: $21K
Cost of Engineering: $0 (but should have hired one)

Total of loans taken out by couple by 2006: $996K (1st, 2nd, HELOC)

Length of ownership: 5.5 yrs (incl vacant lot)
Length of mtg-free living before losing property: 13 mos.

When this “party” was over, the couple promptly filed (Chap 7) BK and divorced (his 2nd/her 3rd). They share two kids. He moved into one BR apt and she moved (where else?) back in with “mom” (now widowed) with her now 4 “pt time” children (3 minors) after already receiving her own parents land which had been in their family for many years and squandering it.

Current age of couple: abt 42
Current age of mom: abt 69

No, I did NOT do any domestic legal work for this “land-gift” couple!!

I’m not saying ALL the “under 40” generation is like this. But why should a typical older parent who is cutting corners by doing all their own household work and gardening, wearing clothes mostly given to them, not buying any disposable items and rationing gas and utils in order to live within their means feel compelled to take on the responsibility of an adult child who repeatedly digs their own grave? ALL of these young couples’ problems were caused from gross overspending due to grandiose and unrealistic expectations given their educational and professional “station” in life. I don’t believe the majority of older boomers and the WWII generation (who typically married young) have or had these HUGE expectations in housing, vehicles, public or private schools, etc, while raising children.

These young families COULD have had a better quality of life and kept so much more of their earnings and assets were it not due to their constant WASTEFUL expenditures and and an all-too-prevalent “disposable” mindset.

[Author]

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