The new smart financial move is walking away

[davelj]

[quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

[zzz]

AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.

[zzz]

AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.

[zzz]

AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.

[zzz]

AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.

[zzz]

AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.

[blahblahblah]

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

Sounds like you hang out with a bunch of assholes.

[blahblahblah]

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

Sounds like you hang out with a bunch of assholes.

[blahblahblah]

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

Sounds like you hang out with a bunch of assholes.

[blahblahblah]

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

Sounds like you hang out with a bunch of assholes.

[blahblahblah]

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

Sounds like you hang out with a bunch of assholes.

[an]

[quote=zzz]AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.[/quote]
You’re right, not every couples who see a therapist are near the end of their ropes. You made a pretty valid point about therapy. It would be very interesting to know how many see a therapist to improve their marriage lives vs those who use it as a last resort before divorce.

BTW, your car example doesn’t really apply. A car is constantly breaking down. So getting it routinely maintain will prolong the inevitable.

[an]

[quote=zzz]AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.[/quote]
You’re right, not every couples who see a therapist are near the end of their ropes. You made a pretty valid point about therapy. It would be very interesting to know how many see a therapist to improve their marriage lives vs those who use it as a last resort before divorce.

BTW, your car example doesn’t really apply. A car is constantly breaking down. So getting it routinely maintain will prolong the inevitable.

[an]

[quote=zzz]AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.[/quote]
You’re right, not every couples who see a therapist are near the end of their ropes. You made a pretty valid point about therapy. It would be very interesting to know how many see a therapist to improve their marriage lives vs those who use it as a last resort before divorce.

BTW, your car example doesn’t really apply. A car is constantly breaking down. So getting it routinely maintain will prolong the inevitable.

[an]

[quote=zzz]AN I couldn’t disagree more about your comment on therapy in marriage that indicates the marriage is near end.

While that is true for some people, I would argue that going to therapy can be for people to take their relationships to the next level versus averting disaster. For some people its so they can hone in on being more succcessful in life and in the various roles they play. For others its like going to get your car tuned up. Does getting your car worked on mean its almost dead or you’re about to sell it? Not usually, its routine maintenance. Who does not have issues? Any issues? With self, with marriage, job, etc? Everyone has work to do.

What about career coaches? Many highly successful people I know who are CEOs or run their own businesses go to psychologists who specialize in career coaching. These people want to take their careers to the next level but also want to work on balancing their lives.

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but I know plenty of people who do see a therapist and it changes their lives for the better.[/quote]
You’re right, not every couples who see a therapist are near the end of their ropes. You made a pretty valid point about therapy. It would be very interesting to know how many see a therapist to improve their marriage lives vs those who use it as a last resort before divorce.

BTW, your car example doesn’t really apply. A car is constantly breaking down. So getting it routinely maintain will prolong the inevitable.

[Author]

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