The new smart financial move is walking away

[all]

[quote=briansd1] The idealized romantic love is a 20th century creation.[/quote]

Shakespeare begs to differ 🙂

[an]

[quote=briansd1][quote=AN] How about follow 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years?[/quote]

How would you know they are happily married but for what they tell you?

My big brother is married for 25 years but he now has a gf on the side whom he sees sometimes. He doesn’t intend to divorce; and what his wife doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her.

People stay married for many reasons:
1/ for the sake of the kids.
2/ because we own a house together
3/ can’t get divorce because of religion.
etc…

Life is not the movies. The idealized romantic love is a 20th century creation. But it doesn’t exist (only rarely).[/quote]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. I feel sorry for your SIL, but that’s a whole different story. I’m sure there are plenty of couples just like your brother and SIL. But I’m sure there are plenty of others who are happily married. That’s the flip side of follow 5 couples in couples therapy. You’re not in therapy unless you think it’s broken and need to be fixed.

Therapy (in Greek: θεραπεία), or treatment, is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis.

[an]

[quote=briansd1][quote=AN] How about follow 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years?[/quote]

How would you know they are happily married but for what they tell you?

My big brother is married for 25 years but he now has a gf on the side whom he sees sometimes. He doesn’t intend to divorce; and what his wife doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her.

People stay married for many reasons:
1/ for the sake of the kids.
2/ because we own a house together
3/ can’t get divorce because of religion.
etc…

Life is not the movies. The idealized romantic love is a 20th century creation. But it doesn’t exist (only rarely).[/quote]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. I feel sorry for your SIL, but that’s a whole different story. I’m sure there are plenty of couples just like your brother and SIL. But I’m sure there are plenty of others who are happily married. That’s the flip side of follow 5 couples in couples therapy. You’re not in therapy unless you think it’s broken and need to be fixed.

Therapy (in Greek: θεραπεία), or treatment, is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis.

[an]

[quote=briansd1][quote=AN] How about follow 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years?[/quote]

How would you know they are happily married but for what they tell you?

My big brother is married for 25 years but he now has a gf on the side whom he sees sometimes. He doesn’t intend to divorce; and what his wife doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her.

People stay married for many reasons:
1/ for the sake of the kids.
2/ because we own a house together
3/ can’t get divorce because of religion.
etc…

Life is not the movies. The idealized romantic love is a 20th century creation. But it doesn’t exist (only rarely).[/quote]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. I feel sorry for your SIL, but that’s a whole different story. I’m sure there are plenty of couples just like your brother and SIL. But I’m sure there are plenty of others who are happily married. That’s the flip side of follow 5 couples in couples therapy. You’re not in therapy unless you think it’s broken and need to be fixed.

Therapy (in Greek: θεραπεία), or treatment, is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis.

[an]

[quote=briansd1][quote=AN] How about follow 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years?[/quote]

How would you know they are happily married but for what they tell you?

My big brother is married for 25 years but he now has a gf on the side whom he sees sometimes. He doesn’t intend to divorce; and what his wife doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her.

People stay married for many reasons:
1/ for the sake of the kids.
2/ because we own a house together
3/ can’t get divorce because of religion.
etc…

Life is not the movies. The idealized romantic love is a 20th century creation. But it doesn’t exist (only rarely).[/quote]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. I feel sorry for your SIL, but that’s a whole different story. I’m sure there are plenty of couples just like your brother and SIL. But I’m sure there are plenty of others who are happily married. That’s the flip side of follow 5 couples in couples therapy. You’re not in therapy unless you think it’s broken and need to be fixed.

Therapy (in Greek: θεραπεία), or treatment, is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis.

[an]

[quote=briansd1][quote=AN] How about follow 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years?[/quote]

How would you know they are happily married but for what they tell you?

My big brother is married for 25 years but he now has a gf on the side whom he sees sometimes. He doesn’t intend to divorce; and what his wife doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her.

People stay married for many reasons:
1/ for the sake of the kids.
2/ because we own a house together
3/ can’t get divorce because of religion.
etc…

Life is not the movies. The idealized romantic love is a 20th century creation. But it doesn’t exist (only rarely).[/quote]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. I feel sorry for your SIL, but that’s a whole different story. I’m sure there are plenty of couples just like your brother and SIL. But I’m sure there are plenty of others who are happily married. That’s the flip side of follow 5 couples in couples therapy. You’re not in therapy unless you think it’s broken and need to be fixed.

Therapy (in Greek: θεραπεία), or treatment, is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis.

[poorgradstudent]

There’s pretty good scientific evidence that romantic love dies at about the 5-7 year mark for a couple. Evolutionary biologists have theorized this would be about the point in time our caveman ancestors would have raised a child together “successfully”, as a 7 year old can run, hide from predators, and pick food from plants and trees on their own.

Obviously there are couples that make their relationship work far past six years. It takes skilled communication, conflict resolution skills, and compromise. We all know the divorce statistics. We also all know couples who are together but not necessarily happy; the sort of couples who file the divorce papers the day their youngest child graduates from high school. There are plenty of couples out there who don’t get divorced that have dealt with infidelity or serious financial deceit.

In short, marriage is hard. It’s a big part of why me and the vast majority of our friends have been extremely gunshy about marriage. Lifelong monogamy just isn’t something humans are naturally very good at. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying it’s all the more impressive by those who accomplish it.

[poorgradstudent]

There’s pretty good scientific evidence that romantic love dies at about the 5-7 year mark for a couple. Evolutionary biologists have theorized this would be about the point in time our caveman ancestors would have raised a child together “successfully”, as a 7 year old can run, hide from predators, and pick food from plants and trees on their own.

Obviously there are couples that make their relationship work far past six years. It takes skilled communication, conflict resolution skills, and compromise. We all know the divorce statistics. We also all know couples who are together but not necessarily happy; the sort of couples who file the divorce papers the day their youngest child graduates from high school. There are plenty of couples out there who don’t get divorced that have dealt with infidelity or serious financial deceit.

In short, marriage is hard. It’s a big part of why me and the vast majority of our friends have been extremely gunshy about marriage. Lifelong monogamy just isn’t something humans are naturally very good at. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying it’s all the more impressive by those who accomplish it.

[poorgradstudent]

There’s pretty good scientific evidence that romantic love dies at about the 5-7 year mark for a couple. Evolutionary biologists have theorized this would be about the point in time our caveman ancestors would have raised a child together “successfully”, as a 7 year old can run, hide from predators, and pick food from plants and trees on their own.

Obviously there are couples that make their relationship work far past six years. It takes skilled communication, conflict resolution skills, and compromise. We all know the divorce statistics. We also all know couples who are together but not necessarily happy; the sort of couples who file the divorce papers the day their youngest child graduates from high school. There are plenty of couples out there who don’t get divorced that have dealt with infidelity or serious financial deceit.

In short, marriage is hard. It’s a big part of why me and the vast majority of our friends have been extremely gunshy about marriage. Lifelong monogamy just isn’t something humans are naturally very good at. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying it’s all the more impressive by those who accomplish it.

[poorgradstudent]

There’s pretty good scientific evidence that romantic love dies at about the 5-7 year mark for a couple. Evolutionary biologists have theorized this would be about the point in time our caveman ancestors would have raised a child together “successfully”, as a 7 year old can run, hide from predators, and pick food from plants and trees on their own.

Obviously there are couples that make their relationship work far past six years. It takes skilled communication, conflict resolution skills, and compromise. We all know the divorce statistics. We also all know couples who are together but not necessarily happy; the sort of couples who file the divorce papers the day their youngest child graduates from high school. There are plenty of couples out there who don’t get divorced that have dealt with infidelity or serious financial deceit.

In short, marriage is hard. It’s a big part of why me and the vast majority of our friends have been extremely gunshy about marriage. Lifelong monogamy just isn’t something humans are naturally very good at. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying it’s all the more impressive by those who accomplish it.

[poorgradstudent]

There’s pretty good scientific evidence that romantic love dies at about the 5-7 year mark for a couple. Evolutionary biologists have theorized this would be about the point in time our caveman ancestors would have raised a child together “successfully”, as a 7 year old can run, hide from predators, and pick food from plants and trees on their own.

Obviously there are couples that make their relationship work far past six years. It takes skilled communication, conflict resolution skills, and compromise. We all know the divorce statistics. We also all know couples who are together but not necessarily happy; the sort of couples who file the divorce papers the day their youngest child graduates from high school. There are plenty of couples out there who don’t get divorced that have dealt with infidelity or serious financial deceit.

In short, marriage is hard. It’s a big part of why me and the vast majority of our friends have been extremely gunshy about marriage. Lifelong monogamy just isn’t something humans are naturally very good at. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying it’s all the more impressive by those who accomplish it.

[davelj]

[quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

[davelj]

[quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

[davelj]

[quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

[davelj]

[quote=AN]
Are you telling me one can’t find 5 couples who have been happily married for 30+ years? I know 4 in my family who have crossed over the 30 year mark and are plenty happy. Happiness doesn’t mean they don’t fight. But yes, they’re happy and I can see them staying married until they die. [/quote]

A few observations. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A meaningful portion of those that remain married either (1) have a cheating spouse(s), and/or (2) because of kids, finances, reputation, and/or general inertia. Based on my experience, that group is well over half of those that remain married. Now we have to remove the folks that would LIKE to cheat but can’t because they are too undesirable for whatever reason. And we have to recall that many folks SAY they’re happy because it’s the path of least resistance. In your example, AN, how many of these couples in your family that have been married for 30+ years (who say they are happy) would admit they were unhappy in front of other family members? Probably none. Maybe they all are happy; maybe they’re not. But just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. Plenty of people in groups (1) and (2) above tell folks they’re happy, after all, even though they’re not. So, boiling it all down, I’d say the most generous estimate is that perhaps 20% of all married couples are “happy” (although, admittedly, “happy” is a tough term to define – perhaps “content” is better), although the number could easily be half that.

I don’t know many married men that – if they could snap their fingers tomorrow and keep their money and kids and not have a messy divorce – wouldn’t want a divorce. Instead, they endure… and screw around discreetly.

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