Selecting a Roommate/Housemate

[Hobie]

Better to be the 51% rent payer and write a contract covering everything. If it a big lease, then all should be named on it. Think about a utility and cleaning deposits.

[temeculaguy]

If you are doing it for purely financial reasons, then follow the above advice about the least impact and hassle on your life. But if you doing it for the education/adventure or what you referred to as “fun” then you want to use a different set of rules. Ask yourself “what do I need to learn” and fill that void. Avoid the classifieds and just keep your eyes open in social settings for potential roomates, having a mutual aquaintance helps getting the true scoop on someone.

While my roommate experiences were all in my formative years and I would not even consider it now, here are the three roommates scenarios I believe that enhanced my life the most, these were not friends and sometimes they were friends of friends or friends of existing roommates, all were from college days when stuff didn’t seem to matter so much.

1. I had a roommate from a different religion, socio-economic background and frame of mind. In those two years, I learned a lot. He was a good dude.

2. I had another roommate who was a really good looking guy, he was “model good looking” and dumb like rain man. Wherever we went, whenever we had parties, women flocked to him, but after a short while of talking to him, most lost interest. But they are already drinking and already gussied up, perfect scenario for an average looking but witty guy like myself. After a while I just called him “bait.”

3. The best roommate was the non political, non angry lipstick lesbian. I was young, I knew very little about women (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally). She wasn’t guarded, didn’t worry about giving up the secrets of her gender, didn’t feel like she had a group to defend and never had I met a more candid person. She had the mind of a man with the body of a woman, it was like having a spy. I had the other team’s playbook in my livingroom and there was no better wingman/wingwoman. Oh, and her friends….I have to stop writing or I am going to start crying, damn you brian for binging this up, that only lasted one semester and she moved to another city, I still have unanswered questions 20 years later that I didn’t ask when I had the chance. Damn, Damn, Double Damn.

[temeculaguy]

If you are doing it for purely financial reasons, then follow the above advice about the least impact and hassle on your life. But if you doing it for the education/adventure or what you referred to as “fun” then you want to use a different set of rules. Ask yourself “what do I need to learn” and fill that void. Avoid the classifieds and just keep your eyes open in social settings for potential roomates, having a mutual aquaintance helps getting the true scoop on someone.

While my roommate experiences were all in my formative years and I would not even consider it now, here are the three roommates scenarios I believe that enhanced my life the most, these were not friends and sometimes they were friends of friends or friends of existing roommates, all were from college days when stuff didn’t seem to matter so much.

1. I had a roommate from a different religion, socio-economic background and frame of mind. In those two years, I learned a lot. He was a good dude.

2. I had another roommate who was a really good looking guy, he was “model good looking” and dumb like rain man. Wherever we went, whenever we had parties, women flocked to him, but after a short while of talking to him, most lost interest. But they are already drinking and already gussied up, perfect scenario for an average looking but witty guy like myself. After a while I just called him “bait.”

3. The best roommate was the non political, non angry lipstick lesbian. I was young, I knew very little about women (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally). She wasn’t guarded, didn’t worry about giving up the secrets of her gender, didn’t feel like she had a group to defend and never had I met a more candid person. She had the mind of a man with the body of a woman, it was like having a spy. I had the other team’s playbook in my livingroom and there was no better wingman/wingwoman. Oh, and her friends….I have to stop writing or I am going to start crying, damn you brian for binging this up, that only lasted one semester and she moved to another city, I still have unanswered questions 20 years later that I didn’t ask when I had the chance. Damn, Damn, Double Damn.

[temeculaguy]

If you are doing it for purely financial reasons, then follow the above advice about the least impact and hassle on your life. But if you doing it for the education/adventure or what you referred to as “fun” then you want to use a different set of rules. Ask yourself “what do I need to learn” and fill that void. Avoid the classifieds and just keep your eyes open in social settings for potential roomates, having a mutual aquaintance helps getting the true scoop on someone.

While my roommate experiences were all in my formative years and I would not even consider it now, here are the three roommates scenarios I believe that enhanced my life the most, these were not friends and sometimes they were friends of friends or friends of existing roommates, all were from college days when stuff didn’t seem to matter so much.

1. I had a roommate from a different religion, socio-economic background and frame of mind. In those two years, I learned a lot. He was a good dude.

2. I had another roommate who was a really good looking guy, he was “model good looking” and dumb like rain man. Wherever we went, whenever we had parties, women flocked to him, but after a short while of talking to him, most lost interest. But they are already drinking and already gussied up, perfect scenario for an average looking but witty guy like myself. After a while I just called him “bait.”

3. The best roommate was the non political, non angry lipstick lesbian. I was young, I knew very little about women (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally). She wasn’t guarded, didn’t worry about giving up the secrets of her gender, didn’t feel like she had a group to defend and never had I met a more candid person. She had the mind of a man with the body of a woman, it was like having a spy. I had the other team’s playbook in my livingroom and there was no better wingman/wingwoman. Oh, and her friends….I have to stop writing or I am going to start crying, damn you brian for binging this up, that only lasted one semester and she moved to another city, I still have unanswered questions 20 years later that I didn’t ask when I had the chance. Damn, Damn, Double Damn.

[temeculaguy]

If you are doing it for purely financial reasons, then follow the above advice about the least impact and hassle on your life. But if you doing it for the education/adventure or what you referred to as “fun” then you want to use a different set of rules. Ask yourself “what do I need to learn” and fill that void. Avoid the classifieds and just keep your eyes open in social settings for potential roomates, having a mutual aquaintance helps getting the true scoop on someone.

While my roommate experiences were all in my formative years and I would not even consider it now, here are the three roommates scenarios I believe that enhanced my life the most, these were not friends and sometimes they were friends of friends or friends of existing roommates, all were from college days when stuff didn’t seem to matter so much.

1. I had a roommate from a different religion, socio-economic background and frame of mind. In those two years, I learned a lot. He was a good dude.

2. I had another roommate who was a really good looking guy, he was “model good looking” and dumb like rain man. Wherever we went, whenever we had parties, women flocked to him, but after a short while of talking to him, most lost interest. But they are already drinking and already gussied up, perfect scenario for an average looking but witty guy like myself. After a while I just called him “bait.”

3. The best roommate was the non political, non angry lipstick lesbian. I was young, I knew very little about women (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally). She wasn’t guarded, didn’t worry about giving up the secrets of her gender, didn’t feel like she had a group to defend and never had I met a more candid person. She had the mind of a man with the body of a woman, it was like having a spy. I had the other team’s playbook in my livingroom and there was no better wingman/wingwoman. Oh, and her friends….I have to stop writing or I am going to start crying, damn you brian for binging this up, that only lasted one semester and she moved to another city, I still have unanswered questions 20 years later that I didn’t ask when I had the chance. Damn, Damn, Double Damn.

[temeculaguy]

If you are doing it for purely financial reasons, then follow the above advice about the least impact and hassle on your life. But if you doing it for the education/adventure or what you referred to as “fun” then you want to use a different set of rules. Ask yourself “what do I need to learn” and fill that void. Avoid the classifieds and just keep your eyes open in social settings for potential roomates, having a mutual aquaintance helps getting the true scoop on someone.

While my roommate experiences were all in my formative years and I would not even consider it now, here are the three roommates scenarios I believe that enhanced my life the most, these were not friends and sometimes they were friends of friends or friends of existing roommates, all were from college days when stuff didn’t seem to matter so much.

1. I had a roommate from a different religion, socio-economic background and frame of mind. In those two years, I learned a lot. He was a good dude.

2. I had another roommate who was a really good looking guy, he was “model good looking” and dumb like rain man. Wherever we went, whenever we had parties, women flocked to him, but after a short while of talking to him, most lost interest. But they are already drinking and already gussied up, perfect scenario for an average looking but witty guy like myself. After a while I just called him “bait.”

3. The best roommate was the non political, non angry lipstick lesbian. I was young, I knew very little about women (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally). She wasn’t guarded, didn’t worry about giving up the secrets of her gender, didn’t feel like she had a group to defend and never had I met a more candid person. She had the mind of a man with the body of a woman, it was like having a spy. I had the other team’s playbook in my livingroom and there was no better wingman/wingwoman. Oh, and her friends….I have to stop writing or I am going to start crying, damn you brian for binging this up, that only lasted one semester and she moved to another city, I still have unanswered questions 20 years later that I didn’t ask when I had the chance. Damn, Damn, Double Damn.

[briansd1]

Good outlook on life, TG.

My friend in a pilot and he has plenty of experience with the drama of crashpads (rooms that airline employees rent just to sleep).

The place he’s buying is $250k and his VA mortgage payments should be around $1,300 (cheaper than rent). Since he only lives there part time, he wants a roomate.

I’m telling him to select the lesbian bball coach. It should be fun.

[briansd1]

Good outlook on life, TG.

My friend in a pilot and he has plenty of experience with the drama of crashpads (rooms that airline employees rent just to sleep).

The place he’s buying is $250k and his VA mortgage payments should be around $1,300 (cheaper than rent). Since he only lives there part time, he wants a roomate.

I’m telling him to select the lesbian bball coach. It should be fun.

[briansd1]

Good outlook on life, TG.

My friend in a pilot and he has plenty of experience with the drama of crashpads (rooms that airline employees rent just to sleep).

The place he’s buying is $250k and his VA mortgage payments should be around $1,300 (cheaper than rent). Since he only lives there part time, he wants a roomate.

I’m telling him to select the lesbian bball coach. It should be fun.

[briansd1]

Good outlook on life, TG.

My friend in a pilot and he has plenty of experience with the drama of crashpads (rooms that airline employees rent just to sleep).

The place he’s buying is $250k and his VA mortgage payments should be around $1,300 (cheaper than rent). Since he only lives there part time, he wants a roomate.

I’m telling him to select the lesbian bball coach. It should be fun.

[briansd1]

Good outlook on life, TG.

My friend in a pilot and he has plenty of experience with the drama of crashpads (rooms that airline employees rent just to sleep).

The place he’s buying is $250k and his VA mortgage payments should be around $1,300 (cheaper than rent). Since he only lives there part time, he wants a roomate.

I’m telling him to select the lesbian bball coach. It should be fun.

[CA renter]

[quote=north park girl]I have lots of experience with roommates, both as a renter moving into a house, and now as a homeowner. All in all, I’ve had a total of 11 different roommates in the last 3.5 years, and all have been pretty good situations. I tend to look for:

1. Have they lived with roommates before? It’s a very different dynamic than living by yourself and many who are used to living on their own are not used to sharing their space.

2. Photo of their previous living space. I’ve never done this but I read about it somewhere and it seems like a good idea. Gives you an idea of cleanliness, decor, how “lived in” their space is, a bit of their personality.

3. Why are they moving? Watch out for baggage (breaking up with a boyfriend of 10 years, like one woman I interviewed).

4. How much time do they spend at home? Do they watch a lot of TV or movies? Do they cook often?

5. Typical sleep hours, do they like playing music around the house or would rather want quiet? Are having guests over OK?

6. Cleanliness.

7. Smoking, drugs, alcohol.

7. Credit history, and possible references from previous roommates

Generally though, I just look for someone I feel I will get along with but isn’t going to be too needy or clingy.[/quote]

All good points.

I’ve always had roommates by choice, even after Mr. CAR and I married (for a short while, they pretty much refused to leave). Can’t even count how many different people I’ve lived with, but there are some very important rules that probably made most of my roommate situations pretty positive — some, I still miss to this day.

We ALWAYS wrote up a list of rules, that we jointly came up with, specifying how we would handle:

-Guests…especially overnight guests. This is a biggie, as you might end up with twice the number of “roommates” than what you had originally wanted. Also, while you might go through great pains to select the right roommate, you don’t get to choose these additional “roommates” if you allow unlimited overnight guests. I cannot overstate this enough; it’s probably one of the biggest glitches in roommate situations that I’ve seen.

-Use of common living space (parties, TV/stereo usage, noise levels, whether drinking or smoking is allowed inside or outside, etc.)

-Cleaning — Make sure everyone understands what they are responsible for and also discuss what everyone’s expectations are WRT cleanliness.

-Cooking and household items. Does everyone have their own cabinets or refrigerator shelves? How do you handle “staples” like napkins, paper towels, condiments, etc. Some roommates will go through a lot of this stuff, but never expect to pay for it. Some people don’t mind paying for it, but never using it, but everyone should at least know what the expectations are.

-Rent- Make sure everyone understands when the rent is due and what the consequences will be if it’s not paid on time. There is nothing worse than a deadbeat roommate who is always asking you to cover their rent “just this time.” Not coincidentally, these are usually the same roommates who like to throw parties and mess up your common areas, and enjoy having multiple “overnight guests” of questionable character. Screen well up front, so you don’t have to deal with these. I’ve had two of them, and they were “friends of friends” we were “helping out.” Never again.

All that being said, having good roommates/friends whose company you really enjoy can be one of life’s greatest joys. I’ve had the pleasure of living with multiple people for a number of years, and I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything.

Good luck to your friend. Hope he has an enjoyable experience.

[CA renter]

[quote=north park girl]I have lots of experience with roommates, both as a renter moving into a house, and now as a homeowner. All in all, I’ve had a total of 11 different roommates in the last 3.5 years, and all have been pretty good situations. I tend to look for:

1. Have they lived with roommates before? It’s a very different dynamic than living by yourself and many who are used to living on their own are not used to sharing their space.

2. Photo of their previous living space. I’ve never done this but I read about it somewhere and it seems like a good idea. Gives you an idea of cleanliness, decor, how “lived in” their space is, a bit of their personality.

3. Why are they moving? Watch out for baggage (breaking up with a boyfriend of 10 years, like one woman I interviewed).

4. How much time do they spend at home? Do they watch a lot of TV or movies? Do they cook often?

5. Typical sleep hours, do they like playing music around the house or would rather want quiet? Are having guests over OK?

6. Cleanliness.

7. Smoking, drugs, alcohol.

7. Credit history, and possible references from previous roommates

Generally though, I just look for someone I feel I will get along with but isn’t going to be too needy or clingy.[/quote]

All good points.

I’ve always had roommates by choice, even after Mr. CAR and I married (for a short while, they pretty much refused to leave). Can’t even count how many different people I’ve lived with, but there are some very important rules that probably made most of my roommate situations pretty positive — some, I still miss to this day.

We ALWAYS wrote up a list of rules, that we jointly came up with, specifying how we would handle:

-Guests…especially overnight guests. This is a biggie, as you might end up with twice the number of “roommates” than what you had originally wanted. Also, while you might go through great pains to select the right roommate, you don’t get to choose these additional “roommates” if you allow unlimited overnight guests. I cannot overstate this enough; it’s probably one of the biggest glitches in roommate situations that I’ve seen.

-Use of common living space (parties, TV/stereo usage, noise levels, whether drinking or smoking is allowed inside or outside, etc.)

-Cleaning — Make sure everyone understands what they are responsible for and also discuss what everyone’s expectations are WRT cleanliness.

-Cooking and household items. Does everyone have their own cabinets or refrigerator shelves? How do you handle “staples” like napkins, paper towels, condiments, etc. Some roommates will go through a lot of this stuff, but never expect to pay for it. Some people don’t mind paying for it, but never using it, but everyone should at least know what the expectations are.

-Rent- Make sure everyone understands when the rent is due and what the consequences will be if it’s not paid on time. There is nothing worse than a deadbeat roommate who is always asking you to cover their rent “just this time.” Not coincidentally, these are usually the same roommates who like to throw parties and mess up your common areas, and enjoy having multiple “overnight guests” of questionable character. Screen well up front, so you don’t have to deal with these. I’ve had two of them, and they were “friends of friends” we were “helping out.” Never again.

All that being said, having good roommates/friends whose company you really enjoy can be one of life’s greatest joys. I’ve had the pleasure of living with multiple people for a number of years, and I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything.

Good luck to your friend. Hope he has an enjoyable experience.

[CA renter]

[quote=north park girl]I have lots of experience with roommates, both as a renter moving into a house, and now as a homeowner. All in all, I’ve had a total of 11 different roommates in the last 3.5 years, and all have been pretty good situations. I tend to look for:

1. Have they lived with roommates before? It’s a very different dynamic than living by yourself and many who are used to living on their own are not used to sharing their space.

2. Photo of their previous living space. I’ve never done this but I read about it somewhere and it seems like a good idea. Gives you an idea of cleanliness, decor, how “lived in” their space is, a bit of their personality.

3. Why are they moving? Watch out for baggage (breaking up with a boyfriend of 10 years, like one woman I interviewed).

4. How much time do they spend at home? Do they watch a lot of TV or movies? Do they cook often?

5. Typical sleep hours, do they like playing music around the house or would rather want quiet? Are having guests over OK?

6. Cleanliness.

7. Smoking, drugs, alcohol.

7. Credit history, and possible references from previous roommates

Generally though, I just look for someone I feel I will get along with but isn’t going to be too needy or clingy.[/quote]

All good points.

I’ve always had roommates by choice, even after Mr. CAR and I married (for a short while, they pretty much refused to leave). Can’t even count how many different people I’ve lived with, but there are some very important rules that probably made most of my roommate situations pretty positive — some, I still miss to this day.

We ALWAYS wrote up a list of rules, that we jointly came up with, specifying how we would handle:

-Guests…especially overnight guests. This is a biggie, as you might end up with twice the number of “roommates” than what you had originally wanted. Also, while you might go through great pains to select the right roommate, you don’t get to choose these additional “roommates” if you allow unlimited overnight guests. I cannot overstate this enough; it’s probably one of the biggest glitches in roommate situations that I’ve seen.

-Use of common living space (parties, TV/stereo usage, noise levels, whether drinking or smoking is allowed inside or outside, etc.)

-Cleaning — Make sure everyone understands what they are responsible for and also discuss what everyone’s expectations are WRT cleanliness.

-Cooking and household items. Does everyone have their own cabinets or refrigerator shelves? How do you handle “staples” like napkins, paper towels, condiments, etc. Some roommates will go through a lot of this stuff, but never expect to pay for it. Some people don’t mind paying for it, but never using it, but everyone should at least know what the expectations are.

-Rent- Make sure everyone understands when the rent is due and what the consequences will be if it’s not paid on time. There is nothing worse than a deadbeat roommate who is always asking you to cover their rent “just this time.” Not coincidentally, these are usually the same roommates who like to throw parties and mess up your common areas, and enjoy having multiple “overnight guests” of questionable character. Screen well up front, so you don’t have to deal with these. I’ve had two of them, and they were “friends of friends” we were “helping out.” Never again.

All that being said, having good roommates/friends whose company you really enjoy can be one of life’s greatest joys. I’ve had the pleasure of living with multiple people for a number of years, and I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything.

Good luck to your friend. Hope he has an enjoyable experience.

[CA renter]

[quote=north park girl]I have lots of experience with roommates, both as a renter moving into a house, and now as a homeowner. All in all, I’ve had a total of 11 different roommates in the last 3.5 years, and all have been pretty good situations. I tend to look for:

1. Have they lived with roommates before? It’s a very different dynamic than living by yourself and many who are used to living on their own are not used to sharing their space.

2. Photo of their previous living space. I’ve never done this but I read about it somewhere and it seems like a good idea. Gives you an idea of cleanliness, decor, how “lived in” their space is, a bit of their personality.

3. Why are they moving? Watch out for baggage (breaking up with a boyfriend of 10 years, like one woman I interviewed).

4. How much time do they spend at home? Do they watch a lot of TV or movies? Do they cook often?

5. Typical sleep hours, do they like playing music around the house or would rather want quiet? Are having guests over OK?

6. Cleanliness.

7. Smoking, drugs, alcohol.

7. Credit history, and possible references from previous roommates

Generally though, I just look for someone I feel I will get along with but isn’t going to be too needy or clingy.[/quote]

All good points.

I’ve always had roommates by choice, even after Mr. CAR and I married (for a short while, they pretty much refused to leave). Can’t even count how many different people I’ve lived with, but there are some very important rules that probably made most of my roommate situations pretty positive — some, I still miss to this day.

We ALWAYS wrote up a list of rules, that we jointly came up with, specifying how we would handle:

-Guests…especially overnight guests. This is a biggie, as you might end up with twice the number of “roommates” than what you had originally wanted. Also, while you might go through great pains to select the right roommate, you don’t get to choose these additional “roommates” if you allow unlimited overnight guests. I cannot overstate this enough; it’s probably one of the biggest glitches in roommate situations that I’ve seen.

-Use of common living space (parties, TV/stereo usage, noise levels, whether drinking or smoking is allowed inside or outside, etc.)

-Cleaning — Make sure everyone understands what they are responsible for and also discuss what everyone’s expectations are WRT cleanliness.

-Cooking and household items. Does everyone have their own cabinets or refrigerator shelves? How do you handle “staples” like napkins, paper towels, condiments, etc. Some roommates will go through a lot of this stuff, but never expect to pay for it. Some people don’t mind paying for it, but never using it, but everyone should at least know what the expectations are.

-Rent- Make sure everyone understands when the rent is due and what the consequences will be if it’s not paid on time. There is nothing worse than a deadbeat roommate who is always asking you to cover their rent “just this time.” Not coincidentally, these are usually the same roommates who like to throw parties and mess up your common areas, and enjoy having multiple “overnight guests” of questionable character. Screen well up front, so you don’t have to deal with these. I’ve had two of them, and they were “friends of friends” we were “helping out.” Never again.

All that being said, having good roommates/friends whose company you really enjoy can be one of life’s greatest joys. I’ve had the pleasure of living with multiple people for a number of years, and I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything.

Good luck to your friend. Hope he has an enjoyable experience.

[Author]

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