[OT] WSJ: “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior”

[jpinpb]

[quote=sdduuuude]The fact of the matter is – your career ends just below the manager level if you don’t know how to deal with people. If I’m hiring people and I need an engineer to work long hours, not get paid very much and do an excellent job implementing tedious crap – I’m going to hire the “Asain” guy. But if I need someone who is creative, who knows how to get others to work hard, to secure funding for a project, to design or manage others (i.e. to do a higher level job), I’m going to hire the guy who learned how to be social, friendly, persuasive, tactful, creative, etc. If being stuck doing tedious crap is your idea of success, then have at it.

From this perspective, when it comes to playing the violin for three hours by yourself or learning how to work as a team with your friends to get a ball in a net, I’m thinking the soccer game is not such a bad option.

At first glance, being a technical master may sound like success, but it keeps you out of management forever.

——-

The author of the article actually makes some interesting points that I agree with. I also like that she prefaced everything with

[quote article]I’m using the term “Chinese mother” loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I’m also using the term “Western parents” loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.[/quote]

She makes a great point here about Western parents: “They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital.” I think kids gain self esteem when they know what they are good at and what they aren’t so good at. Knowing the truth is important and I have no issues telling my kids when they make a mistake or even telling them that they aren’t very good at something. I just don’t make a big deal out of it.

On the other hand – while I appreciate pushing kids to try things they may think are too difficult(chess as a 4-year old, for example), I find her justification for “coercion” (Lulu’s piano piece) is really a matter of her not being able to teach very vell. There is a distinction between believing kids can perform well and using bone-headed techniques get them to perform well.
And I also have to say her empty threats were pathetic.

The fact that her daughter “snuggled up to her” afterward doesn’t cut it for me. Even physically abused children still love their parents.

I also think it is equally pathetic that Jed was going to let her give up and that her mom couldn’t find a more positive way to teach her. Sounds like the worst of both worlds to me.

Just because Lulu succeeded doesn’t mean that being an ass was the only way to make it happen. As a drummer and a juggler, I can say that taking a break from a difficult task can help you learn it faster. Also, teaching some more basic techniques before trying a difficult 2-hand pattern helps alot as well.[/quote]

I agree w/everything you said. Ideally, someone that is smart and social are best. If someone has a GPA of 3.5 and social skills, then I think that is more desirable than a hermit w/a GPA of 4. We did have a C student that somehow became President. What does that tell you?

brian – I’d also say that the measure of success does not rely soley on financial wealth.

[quote=AK]These days I’d say networking and people skills are key to getting even the first job out of college … not to mention prestigious internships.

Test scores, GPA, education, etc., give you a better chance of establishing those essential connections and recommendations. But they’re not enough in and of themselves.[/quote]

Also agree.

And I really question the self-esteem of any kid who has been subjected to this by parents. I understand kids wanting to have parents be proud of them. If a parent expresses disappointment at an A-, it must be so frustrating for kids. You absorb that as an adult and set sometimes unrealistic goals for yourself. Seems like a good source of unhappiness and even resentment.

I can maybe even understand being in that country b/c that is the mentality of all and it is more uniform thinking. But in this country w/a wide variety of culture, you can’t help but see how others live. Some people cheat through life and do better. Others steal from people and live like kings. Some drug lords live like kings. Football players are paid a lot of money and probably are not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Think about some famous people of our times who dropped out of college and started businesses in garages who are now multi-millionaires.

[scaredyclassic]

Any perfectionist is destined for misery in this world.

As Coleman hawkins said if you don’t make mistakes you aren’t really trying.

[scaredyclassic]

Any perfectionist is destined for misery in this world.

As Coleman hawkins said if you don’t make mistakes you aren’t really trying.

[scaredyclassic]

Any perfectionist is destined for misery in this world.

As Coleman hawkins said if you don’t make mistakes you aren’t really trying.

[scaredyclassic]

Any perfectionist is destined for misery in this world.

As Coleman hawkins said if you don’t make mistakes you aren’t really trying.

[scaredyclassic]

Any perfectionist is destined for misery in this world.

As Coleman hawkins said if you don’t make mistakes you aren’t really trying.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb]

brian – I’d also say that the measure of success does not rely soley on financial wealth. [/quote]

Absolutely. But what in life doesn’t require money?

I’m only saying that education is insurance against being down and out. That is a baseline one which to rely on.

[quote=davelj]
Although it’s a cliche, there’s some truth to it: The C-students own the company in which the B-student is the President and the A-student is the accountant. [/quote]

There’s definitely truth to this if you belong to a social economic group where social connections open doors for you.

But for each C student that owns a company, there are thousands of C students who are down and out.

If look at consumer products and financial services, the profits are generated from people who buy appliances on installment, pay monthly fees on their checking accounts and lease cars at high interest rates.

A students don’t buy TVs on $30 per month payments, C students do.

C students tend to be those who struggle through life searching for their calling but never finding it.

That’s being said, I’d rather be goodlooking, from a rich family, or generally lucky than intelligent. We like to claim that society rewards smarts and hardwork, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Luck counts for much more.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb]

brian – I’d also say that the measure of success does not rely soley on financial wealth. [/quote]

Absolutely. But what in life doesn’t require money?

I’m only saying that education is insurance against being down and out. That is a baseline one which to rely on.

[quote=davelj]
Although it’s a cliche, there’s some truth to it: The C-students own the company in which the B-student is the President and the A-student is the accountant. [/quote]

There’s definitely truth to this if you belong to a social economic group where social connections open doors for you.

But for each C student that owns a company, there are thousands of C students who are down and out.

If look at consumer products and financial services, the profits are generated from people who buy appliances on installment, pay monthly fees on their checking accounts and lease cars at high interest rates.

A students don’t buy TVs on $30 per month payments, C students do.

C students tend to be those who struggle through life searching for their calling but never finding it.

That’s being said, I’d rather be goodlooking, from a rich family, or generally lucky than intelligent. We like to claim that society rewards smarts and hardwork, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Luck counts for much more.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb]

brian – I’d also say that the measure of success does not rely soley on financial wealth. [/quote]

Absolutely. But what in life doesn’t require money?

I’m only saying that education is insurance against being down and out. That is a baseline one which to rely on.

[quote=davelj]
Although it’s a cliche, there’s some truth to it: The C-students own the company in which the B-student is the President and the A-student is the accountant. [/quote]

There’s definitely truth to this if you belong to a social economic group where social connections open doors for you.

But for each C student that owns a company, there are thousands of C students who are down and out.

If look at consumer products and financial services, the profits are generated from people who buy appliances on installment, pay monthly fees on their checking accounts and lease cars at high interest rates.

A students don’t buy TVs on $30 per month payments, C students do.

C students tend to be those who struggle through life searching for their calling but never finding it.

That’s being said, I’d rather be goodlooking, from a rich family, or generally lucky than intelligent. We like to claim that society rewards smarts and hardwork, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Luck counts for much more.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb]

brian – I’d also say that the measure of success does not rely soley on financial wealth. [/quote]

Absolutely. But what in life doesn’t require money?

I’m only saying that education is insurance against being down and out. That is a baseline one which to rely on.

[quote=davelj]
Although it’s a cliche, there’s some truth to it: The C-students own the company in which the B-student is the President and the A-student is the accountant. [/quote]

There’s definitely truth to this if you belong to a social economic group where social connections open doors for you.

But for each C student that owns a company, there are thousands of C students who are down and out.

If look at consumer products and financial services, the profits are generated from people who buy appliances on installment, pay monthly fees on their checking accounts and lease cars at high interest rates.

A students don’t buy TVs on $30 per month payments, C students do.

C students tend to be those who struggle through life searching for their calling but never finding it.

That’s being said, I’d rather be goodlooking, from a rich family, or generally lucky than intelligent. We like to claim that society rewards smarts and hardwork, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Luck counts for much more.

[briansd1]

[quote=jpinpb]

brian – I’d also say that the measure of success does not rely soley on financial wealth. [/quote]

Absolutely. But what in life doesn’t require money?

I’m only saying that education is insurance against being down and out. That is a baseline one which to rely on.

[quote=davelj]
Although it’s a cliche, there’s some truth to it: The C-students own the company in which the B-student is the President and the A-student is the accountant. [/quote]

There’s definitely truth to this if you belong to a social economic group where social connections open doors for you.

But for each C student that owns a company, there are thousands of C students who are down and out.

If look at consumer products and financial services, the profits are generated from people who buy appliances on installment, pay monthly fees on their checking accounts and lease cars at high interest rates.

A students don’t buy TVs on $30 per month payments, C students do.

C students tend to be those who struggle through life searching for their calling but never finding it.

That’s being said, I’d rather be goodlooking, from a rich family, or generally lucky than intelligent. We like to claim that society rewards smarts and hardwork, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Luck counts for much more.

[bearishgurl]

I just read the WSJ article. Given my experience in the CA domestic legal arena (don’t know where Chines mom lives), I have a couple of opinions about it.

The “Chinese mom’s” parenting style only works if the other parent is on the same page and the parents have a strong relationship. Even then, it could backfire on the mom if for any reason she and the dad split, even if it was an amicable split. In the article, it sounds like the dad, “Jed,” had a “passive” personality as he did not always agree with her parenting style but gave her free reign over the kids’ upbringing and discipline. Also, their kids are still young. When they are older and the dad disagrees with her openly, they may then only ask the dad for permission to do something and ignore her.

I am not totally against most aspects of the Chinese mom’s parenting style because I think kids are way too “coddled” today. But want to preface that by saying that both parents have to be on the same page and cannot ever waver.

If parents have different parenting styles, the Chinese mom’s style will backfire on her and will not work. If “Jed” ends up having enough of it, all h@ll is going to break loose.

Just my .02.

[bearishgurl]

I just read the WSJ article. Given my experience in the CA domestic legal arena (don’t know where Chines mom lives), I have a couple of opinions about it.

The “Chinese mom’s” parenting style only works if the other parent is on the same page and the parents have a strong relationship. Even then, it could backfire on the mom if for any reason she and the dad split, even if it was an amicable split. In the article, it sounds like the dad, “Jed,” had a “passive” personality as he did not always agree with her parenting style but gave her free reign over the kids’ upbringing and discipline. Also, their kids are still young. When they are older and the dad disagrees with her openly, they may then only ask the dad for permission to do something and ignore her.

I am not totally against most aspects of the Chinese mom’s parenting style because I think kids are way too “coddled” today. But want to preface that by saying that both parents have to be on the same page and cannot ever waver.

If parents have different parenting styles, the Chinese mom’s style will backfire on her and will not work. If “Jed” ends up having enough of it, all h@ll is going to break loose.

Just my .02.

[bearishgurl]

I just read the WSJ article. Given my experience in the CA domestic legal arena (don’t know where Chines mom lives), I have a couple of opinions about it.

The “Chinese mom’s” parenting style only works if the other parent is on the same page and the parents have a strong relationship. Even then, it could backfire on the mom if for any reason she and the dad split, even if it was an amicable split. In the article, it sounds like the dad, “Jed,” had a “passive” personality as he did not always agree with her parenting style but gave her free reign over the kids’ upbringing and discipline. Also, their kids are still young. When they are older and the dad disagrees with her openly, they may then only ask the dad for permission to do something and ignore her.

I am not totally against most aspects of the Chinese mom’s parenting style because I think kids are way too “coddled” today. But want to preface that by saying that both parents have to be on the same page and cannot ever waver.

If parents have different parenting styles, the Chinese mom’s style will backfire on her and will not work. If “Jed” ends up having enough of it, all h@ll is going to break loose.

Just my .02.

[bearishgurl]

I just read the WSJ article. Given my experience in the CA domestic legal arena (don’t know where Chines mom lives), I have a couple of opinions about it.

The “Chinese mom’s” parenting style only works if the other parent is on the same page and the parents have a strong relationship. Even then, it could backfire on the mom if for any reason she and the dad split, even if it was an amicable split. In the article, it sounds like the dad, “Jed,” had a “passive” personality as he did not always agree with her parenting style but gave her free reign over the kids’ upbringing and discipline. Also, their kids are still young. When they are older and the dad disagrees with her openly, they may then only ask the dad for permission to do something and ignore her.

I am not totally against most aspects of the Chinese mom’s parenting style because I think kids are way too “coddled” today. But want to preface that by saying that both parents have to be on the same page and cannot ever waver.

If parents have different parenting styles, the Chinese mom’s style will backfire on her and will not work. If “Jed” ends up having enough of it, all h@ll is going to break loose.

Just my .02.

[Author]

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