OT: Will Future College Grads Be Prepared?

[NotCranky]

No lie, I know a guy who lived at home when he was 30. He does a lot of important things including helping me build the house for his parents. He is always doing something important even when it doesn’t pay. I can’t say more because I don’t want to give away who he is. Happy and health “self-actualized” in Yungian terms. Even people who need to get by with welfare because they have kids even though they are poor. I don’t see anything wrong with that if they raise them well, Maybe the kids will pay it back to the society which they belong, meaning it is societies responsibility to raise kids too. Someone’s got to have kids and ours are going to be too worried about having a big house and portfolio to do it.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=Blogstar]No lie, I know a guy who lived at home when he was 30. He does a lot of important things including helping me build the house for his parents. He is always doing something important even when it doesn’t pay. I can’t say more because I don’t want to give away who he is. Happy and health “self-actualized” in Yungian terms. Even people who need to get by with welfare because they have kids even though they are poor. I don’t see anything wrong with that if they raise them well, Maybe the kids will pay it back to the society which they belong, meaning it is societies responsibility to raise kids too. Someone’s got to have kids and ours are going to be too worried about having a big house and portfolio to do it.[/quote]

A couple of things, here. I don’t believe it is “societies’ responsibility to raise kids. Financially, it is solely on the parents. If they can’t afford them, they shouldn’t have them.

I don’t think today’s kids should be “worried” about obtaining a “big house” and amassing a “portfolio” before having kids. A smallish house is fine … for starters and it doesn’t even have to be purchased until their first kid is about to go into first grade (public K isn’t mandatory and can be private and/or supplemented or replaced with Pre-K … also private or Head Start).

And what would be the motivation for a kid who was raised on “welfare” to “pay it back to society” when the parental example set for them while they were growing up was to stay on the public dole as long as possible??

[NotCranky]

Not going to address this 30 year old living at home successful person? What if it was someone who could do elder care and protection services at home while also be useful in other ways outside the home. No, they should move to Albuquerque and get a real life.

All kinds of people raised on welfare ,or getting income/ family size tax and other financial breaks are doing important things. I would say a majority of citizens have have had benefits of that at one time or another, for ourselves or our kids, but we are not all moochers or future moochers or 100% moochers?
It’s more like a sliding scale mooch thing . Like someone who works at wallmart but gets food stamps. That’s not a total moocher.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=FlyerInHi]BG, I know you’re strong. And it can be can be done and will be done by some. But not by everyone. (BTW, that’s why I believe the Hispanics are harder workers than their native white counterparts. They are making It work in Cali while the other guys relocate to Colorado Springs).

But shouldn’t we try to build an economy that works for everyone?

I mean look at Santa Barbara, it’s all quaint and all… The priced in natives can pat themselves on the back for buying 40 years ago. But will their kids find a job in the area, even if they go to college? Maybe they’d have better luck working in a hotel.[/quote]

FIH, there is nothing wrong with majoring in hospitality and having a “career” as a hotelier … especially a lucrative one with a large chain offering its employees many perks. Hotel/motel mgmt pays pretty well as does restaurant mgmt and sous chef/head chef.

Being the “motor-lodge queen extraordinaire” that I am (lol) I spend plenty of money on them annually, in spite of my “lowish” income … and I am not alone. And in my younger days, I spent 7-12 nights a year at mainly Sheratons for 12+ years straight at ski resorts.

As to Santa Barbara, it has never been a “starter town” and never will be so why would millenials aspire to buy their first home there? Those “priced in” boomers and beyond who reside there very likely didn’t purchase their first, second, or even third home there … and if they did, it was a dry-rotted crapshack on a substandard lot that needed extensive renovation.

Yes, even in 1971.

To the naked eye, it “appears” to younger generations that CA boomers (and beyond) had everything handed to them for pennies on the dollar and lived their lives and raised their families on “easy street” but nothing could be further from the truth. This group had to live through times in their adult lives of gasoline scarcity, soaring mortgage interest rates, overt (legal) gender discrimination, employer-friendly laws, lack of telecommuting opportunities while raising a family and a host of other conditions causing parents’ lives to even be considered “hardscrabble” compared to working conditions of today. Level of household “income” had nothing to do with it.

[njtosd]

[quote=Blogstar]. . . meaning it is societies responsibility to raise kids too. [/quote]

No. It’s parents’ responsibility to raise kids. In the event they can’t, society does it because (a) it’s the right thing to do because it’s not the children’s fault that their parents couldn’t take care of them; and (b) as a friend used to say “we don’t want them to chop us to bits in our beds.” In other words, society is better off if children aren’t raised by wolves (or whatever).

[bearishgurl]

FIH, by chance, were you raised in LJ (SD)? If so, did you expect to buy your first home there when you graduated from college?

[FlyerInHi]

BG, it’s not about you and me.
You need to detach yourself from the issues.

A lot of San Diegans make a living in building construction, even proportionately more in years past. If you stop building, what are people going to do?

Housing, healthcare and education are all taking larger portion of income that in years past. People have to relocate to find the income to support those costs. They’re basically forced to relocate. Economic migrants within the country.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=FlyerInHi] . . . A lot of San Diegans make a living in building construction, even proportionately more in years past. If you stop building, what are people going to do?. . .
[/quote]

I’m not seeing this, FIH. I think there were many more tradespeople in decades past than today. Young people have not been encouraged by their HS counselors to go into the trades after HS since the late ’80’s, at least.

We’ve been pushing HS students towards university acceptance for decades … hence most of the “A – G” requirements needed for public CA university entrance are now needed for HS graduation as well.

[FlyerInHi]

I can see now that you’re a real feminist as opposed to the fake wishy washy ones today. You have a can do attitude from co-parenting to co-borrowing.

You’re lucky that your kids opened their eyes and ears otherwise they could have ended up like some of the neighbors. That’s a reason people don’t want to live on CV South. I doubt anyone gets knocked up at 19 in CV North.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=FlyerInHi]I can see now that you’re a real feminist as opposed to the fake wishy washy ones today. You have a can do attitude from co-parenting to co-borrowing.

You’re lucky that your kids opened their eyes and ears otherwise they could have ended up like some of the neighbors. That’s a reason people don’t want to live on CV South. I doubt anyone gets knocked up at 19 in CV North.[/quote]

Uhh, you might want to ask our friend flyer about this, FIH. Even people raised within the covenant (female AND male) who have no means to support their offspring get “knocked up.” It’s even cushier to live in a parent’s back bdrm there in their expansive home on expansive grounds, with your baby’s crib by your bedside :=)

In my kid’s friend’s sibling’s cases, nearly all of their homes (owned by parents) were worth $800K to $1.2M during the years my kids were in HS with them.

Theoretically, any new mom (teenaged or not) can qualify for a monthly TANF payment for her baby if she does not receive any child support from the father. Her address or her parent(s) ability to support both of them have nothing to do with her eligibility because once she is a parent herself, she has formed her “own” immediate family under the law. Many parents of means with kids who are pregnant or new moms require them to file for the benefit so they will be forced by the county to work for the benefit when their baby reaches four months old. They then demand the benefit be paid into the household to pay for diapers, formula and other stuff for the baby while the mom works. However, it is not enough in any way, shape or form to compensate the grandparent or other relative who is typically caring for the baby while the mom works.

FYI, teenage and young adult parents who can’t support their kid(s) weren’t necessarily raised “poor” and usually weren’t. Most of them (girls) were coddled and too sheltered (IMO) by upper middle-class and even wealthy parents. Hence, their unbridled stupidity in this day and age regarding consequences of sex and use of birth control.

[FlyerInHi]

Getting knocked up at 19 is not a function of means as much as education and environment.

Assume 2 houses. $1.2 house in CV South and another $1.2 house in CV North. The houses are the same value, but the people living in them have different values. The neighbors and neighborhood are different.

Not that it doesn’t happen, but I’m pretty certain the likelyhood of getting knocked-up up north is lower (yes, I misspoke when I said “I doubt anyone..”). Let see if anyone will tell us us about teenage pregnancies in their neighborhoods. Come on people, let’s hear the stories.

I’ll tell a story: one young lady I know in Vegas has her parents buy her a condo cash in a decent neighborhood. Nice gal and nice husband. Nice parents too. But you could tell they’re not tiger parents. Just relaxed, whatever will be will be… God has a plan.

[flyer]

Imo, none of us are “entitled” anything in life–an education, a home, or the right to live in a certain place, etc., etc. That said, we’ve created a society in which a sense of entitlement is high. Many feel they should have everything they want–just for the asking–and when those expectations are not met, for whatever reasons, dissatisfaction (or worse) with life occurs.

Again, imo, this is what is happening with many young people today. Society, the educational system and even their parents–directly or indirectly–are encouraging them to believe they will get everything they want in life.

That’s great–we want our kids to reach for the moon if they want to–but, on the other hand, I also believe they need to be prepared to cope if things don’t go as planned. From the many we’ve seen who can’t or don’t cope with
reality–well–it’s not a pretty picture.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=FlyerInHi]Getting knocked up at 19 is not a function of means as much as education and environment.

Assume 2 houses. $1.2 house in CV South and another $1.2 house in CV North. The houses are the same value, but the people living in them have different values. The neighbors and neighborhood are different.

Not that it doesn’t happen, but I’m pretty certain the likelyhood of getting knocked-up up north is lower (yes, I misspoke when I said “I doubt anyone..”). Let see if anyone will tell us us about teenage pregnancies in their neighborhoods. Come on people, let’s hear the stories.[/quote]

Again, accidental young, single-person parenthood has nothing to do with being raised in a well-off household or poor household and everything to do with the young person’s level of maturity and, as flyer stated, degree of self-entitlement. Suffice to say, I’ve seen kids of Navy captains … even the daughter of a Commodore, lol and county official’s (dept head/county mgmt-level) kids become “accidental parents.” ’nuff said … I’ll just leave it at that.

I recently visited cousins’ homes (2) on my recent trip to “flyover country” where they BOTH had daughters (early-mid 20’s) who were living with them in different stages of pregnancy. Both were single (never-married) and for both, this was going to be their first child. Both my cousins in this case were male and semi-retired in their early 60’s. Both were married … one was still married to the girl’s mother. Both had owned their beautiful large homes in the best parts of town (the home their daughters grew up in) for decades. It happens everywhere to people of all walks of life.

You are talking out your a$$ on this one, FIH.

[FlyerInHi]

If we were talking about life in general, I would agree.

But we’re talking CV North, the home of the tiger parents, the scientists and engineers. People who want ultimate control.

In the past, the judge, or county official or the CEO was more like everyone else. Now we are in the word of big data, API scores, IQ tests, and other numerical objective measures. Njtosd brought up assortive mating in the educated class.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=FlyerInHi]If we were talking about life in general, I would agree.

But we’re talking CV North, the home of the tiger parents, the scientists and engineers. People who want ultimate control.

In the past, the judge, or county official or the CEO was more like everyone else. Now we are in the word of big data, API scores, IQ tests, and other numerical objective measures. Njtosd brought up assortive mating in the educated class.[/quote]

Regardless of how much “control” a parent “wants,” it is difficult to “control” all aspects of the life of an 18-year-old. Short of threatening to throw them out or cut them off if they are in college, there is little a parent can do at that point. They just have to hope that their kid is doing what they are supposed to be doing when they are supposed to be doing it and not making stupid life-changing decisions for the worse.

Any parent who feels otherwise (“tiger” or no) is suffering from delusions. Kids who have reached the age of 18 are free to vote with their feet if they don’t like their lives the way they are.

I see a couple of kids in my sphere approaching 18 who just may very well do that. Both have one parent who is a paranoid, delusional hyper-vigilant home-schooling lunatic who has successfully thus far kept them away from their peers as well as all TV, radio, popular music, internet (controlled to homeschool sites only), mainstream clothing and drives them only to pre-vetted families’ homes where pre-arranged approved topics will be discussed.

And no, these “crazy” parents aren’t middle eastern … they are both Americans born in the US who got wrapped up in a “cult” in the past 10-12 years.

The other parent(s) live in the home but are codependents who fear having to pay child support so they are just counting the days …. the whole situation is so sad all around … It’s hard to watch a train wreck unfolding …

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