ot. what do adult kids owe parents if anything.

[scaredyclassic]

is it really that kids treat parents how they see parents treat parents?

or is it cultural?

what is the average distance lived between kid and parent in 1960?

in 2014?

filial piety. how many generations before this breaks down?

so you act nice with no expectation of anything in return?

and no disappointment if you get nothing back?

perhaps.

i dont see that around me. i see people expecting return for what they put out and guilt when they dont get it…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=AN][quote=scaredyclassic]
what if i don’t want to be nice? does that significantly lessen the odds that my kids will tend to me?

what if I act only out of guilt, not out of love? does that negate the whole thing? is it better for me nott o do anything out of guilt?

i think the real truth is that a lot of people’s folks drive them batshit crazy …[/quote]then, put them all into homes and put yourself into a home when you’re no longer independent. Problem solved. Why even worry about any of it. It seems like it’s not even worth thinking about since everyone is driving everyone else batshit.[/quote]

probably statistically and culturally way more likely.

number of hours worked per week.

number of 2 parent working families.

yeah, you could be nice.

but there were a series of cultural and econoic decisions that are going to, on the whole, make old people less relevant and more difficult to maintain.

not that you can’t be the exception.

but liek child care, it may cost you a lot of money.

[scaredyclassic]

genuine love. no resentment….

i dont know. i guess it’s as good a strategy as any…
ultimately love is about the things we do for one another, my 11 year old said.

he said he loves us because we do things for him, serve him. if we did nothing for him, he posited, he would not love us.

the way we show love is to serve.

and yet.
just because we serve elders, doesn’t mean we get the favor returned by the theory.

once we are done being of service…what value do we have..

it is better to go witha biblical theory than a karma theory i think

just a strict commandment…

HONOR THEY FATHER AND MOTHER

no debate, no cost analysis, no karmic hopes.

just do it because G-d said so…

this seems far far more lielly to ge tyou the desired result…

[scaredyclassic]

in the 70s my mom didn’t work outside the home and lived four blocks from her folks, saw them many times a week.

i live 3000 miles from my mom, and my wife works.

if this is indeed a trend, isn’t this going to affect relationships?

[scaredyclassic]

id need to see some research..but…im wondering…

is it more likely that adult kids hang out with and care for parents they actually like being with…

or parents who took care of grandparents?

[scaredyclassic]

interesting, in the torah, Jews are specifically instructed that the commandment “honor your father and mother” leads to the blessing of long life, specifically detailed in exodus and deuteronomy. the payback you get is you get to live a long time…I guess even that more pimitive tribal society had such nutty parents that they had to up the ante and put something in it for the kiddos…a long life as a reward…the wother commandments i don’t think come with specific bonus es.

im feeling like my Dad, a guy who dies quick of a heart attack, so less concerned. for me. more concerned for my wife, sicne genetically, she is likely to become a 90 year old woman.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic]id need to see some research..but…im wondering…

is it more likely that adult kids hang out with and care for parents they actually like being with…

or parents who took care of grandparents?[/quote]

Odds are not very good for a lot of company when you put it like that. We better rely on guilt and other cultural items.

[FlyerInHi]

I don’t understand all the drama people live.

Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.

I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.

I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=FlyerInHi]I don’t understand all the drama people live.

Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.

I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.

I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.[/quote]

All kids are needy and demanding

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=FlyerInHi]I don’t understand all the drama people live.

Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.

I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.

I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.[/quote]

All kids are needy and demanding

[zak]

I see an exception to this on YouTube. A lot of very well respected people talented in their areas of work making and posting videos on their expert subject matters. I think these will be respected and cherished for ages to come.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic][quote=FlyerInHi]I don’t understand all the drama people live.

Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.

I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.

I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.[/quote]

All kids are needy and demanding[/quote]

If FIH had kids, they would be the exception.

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=scaredyclassic][quote=FlyerInHi]I don’t understand all the drama people live.

Why do you need to treat anyone badly. If you don’t get along with someone, you can still be polite but keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Why is that so bad even if it’s your own parents.

I don’t care who it is. I just don’t like being around needy demanding people. I would make an exception for Alzheimer’s but who cares at that point.

I’ve seen parents who call their kids and demand they do this and that all the time. The parents and kids are just enablers of one another.[/quote]

All kids are needy and demanding[/quote]

If FIH had kids, they would be the exception.[/quote]

Our kids were very demanding with the breastmilk. Needy as hell. Suckling. Screaming their heads off. Demanding service. Flipping out.

Old people can kinda get like that too.

Actually. Everyone can get like that.

Those kids owe me big time for all that milk my wife provided. I expect top shelf booze.

[NotCranky]

Should have taught ours to change their own fucking diapers….

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredyclassic]is it really that kids treat parents how they see parents treat parents?

or is it cultural?

what is the average distance lived between kid and parent in 1960?

in 2014?

filial piety. how many generations before this breaks down?

so you act nice with no expectation of anything in return?

and no disappointment if you get nothing back?

perhaps.

i dont see that around me. i see people expecting return for what they put out and guilt when they dont get it…[/quote]

IMO, it is both the way kids see elderly people being treated (including how their own parents treat their grandparents), and it is cultural.

Industrialization and the resulting emphasis put on education, urbanization (and children moving to cities after a certain age), etc. have all had an impact on how we treat elderly people, including our parents. We are now taught to believe that living with one’s parents after a certain age is embarrassing and socially unacceptable. Think of all the extra money that has been spent on housing, appliances, furniture and all the other things that go with this increase in household formation…and all the extra debt that people take on as a result!$$$$$

Fashion, marketing, and commercialization have all conspired to change how we think about “old, outdated” things and people. Because of this, there is an (unhealthy, IMO) emphasis placed on youth and constant change. Instead of learning from the invaluable experience of our elders, we are taught to think that what they know is now irrelevant, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s why so many young people can be lured into the same traps, like debt and bubbles…and how they can be ignorant of the many, many lessons that history has taught us about politics, economics, and society.

[Author]

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