Nixon: [on TV] My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That’s right! I’ve sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick Fun Bill. Knock yourselves out!
Zoidberg: Money!
Amy: I’m slightly richer!
Bender: What to do, what to do? One $300 hookerbot or 300 $1 hookerbots?
Leela: I’m going to swim with a whale. They’re the gentle giants of the deep.
Farnsworth: I’m well aware of that.
Scruffy: Scruffy’s gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one’s lost its pizzazz!
Zoidberg: A fortune, it is! At last Zoidberg will live like a rich man!
[He kisses the bill and Nixon squirms on it.]
Nixon: [on bill] Hey, cut it out! Go away! Get away!
Amy: Shmeesh! It’s just 300 bucks. What is that, like a hundred cups of coffee?
Fry: That’s it! I’m getting a hundred cups of coffee. Starting now. [He walks over to the coffee machine.] Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.
[He puts the $300 into the machine and it takes $3 off.]
Nixon: [on bill] Smells good!
[Fry takes a sip of the coffee and a coffee cup counter comes up on the bottom of the screen with a “1” on it. Zapp appears on the big screen.]
Zapp: [on screen] Leela? Are you there?
Leela: No.
Zapp: [on screen] Oh, yes, you are! I’m hereby inviting you and your oddball co-workers to a special reception to display the national silk surplus. I believe you know the heroic space stallion who captured it. Show them my medal, Kif.
[Kif points at a medal on Zapp’s chest.]
Kif: [on screen] He rented it with his tax refund.
Zapp: [on screen] So, Leela, will you have the pleasure?
Leela: What little there is to be had.
Zapp: [on screen] Tomorrow night at eight them. Smooches!
[He kisses the screen.]
[Scene: New New York City Street. People spend their $300. The 99c Store changes its name to 299.99c Store. The crack addict walks out of an alley kissing his money.]
Crack Addict: No cheap crack houses for me no more!
[Cut to: Outside Crack Mansion. The crack addict hands a man his $300.]
Man #1: Very good, sir. Shall I pre-warm sir’s crack pipe?
[Above the crack mansion, Kif and Amy fly over on a paddle plane. Kif struggles and wheezes.]
Amy: Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddle plane with your tax rebate. We’re like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze.
Kif: (gasping) Yes. Seeds … wafting.
Amy: I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo!
Tattoo #1: Hey, Gordon Gecko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date!
.
